Xinlan Li, who moved from China to Ireland in 2022, feels lucky to have been afforded the choices and education that she has.
“It’s a bit of a mental story looking back because both my grandmothers were illiterate and here I am moving to a big city and then eventually moving abroad,” the 30-year-old says.
Both of Li’s grandparents lived in the Chinese countryside, and both her grandfathers were teachers. Her parents followed in their footsteps and also became teachers. During her childhood the family moved around a lot for her parents’ jobs.
“I think China around the 1990s and early 2000s was progressing a lot and my parents were kind of riding that wave of progression.”
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This left Li without a sense of belonging. On top of this sense of rootlessness, she always felt like the odd one out in China.
“I feel like my culture and upbringing was very conservative in a way. Where you can’t express yourself.”
She described feeling like she couldn’t wear the clothes she wanted to for fear of being judged: “If you wear tight clothes, like tight trousers, people would judge you for it and they would look at you for an uncomfortably long time.”
At 16, Li went to university in Chengdu, a city of 20 million people in southwestern China.
“That’s where I kind of settled in my adult life, where I found my first job and started my career. My parents bought me a small apartment there, so I feel a kind of belonging there.”
At university she studied English and Chinese translation. She then worked in marketing and advertising but felt called to move abroad. Her view of Europe was very romanticised from the films she had watched growing up.
“I feel that Europe is full of romance, of romantic encounters. It’s going to the bookshop or a vinyl shop and then meeting random people on the bus. Maybe you have this ‘meet cute’. I was watching too many romcoms back then, probably.”
Li knew very little about Ireland before she arrived, however.
“I did not research about Ireland before moving. I just knew that it is in Europe. But coming over here ...it’s not the continental Europe that I was fantasising about at all.”
Li initially moved to Dublin to undertake a master’s at UCD’s Business School. She enjoyed her time there but notes most of her friends from her master’s programme were also international students: “It was a bit difficult to make a genuine connection with Irish students when I was doing my master’s.”
During her master’s, Li met her future husband on Bumble. “He has his own take on specific topics and I think that’s very important to me because in China I didn’t meet people like that.”
Li struggled to get a job in Ireland after finishing her master’s in 2023. During this period, she considered moving back to China as life in Dublin was incredibly expensive and she was living off her savings.
Eventually she was offered a job in an advertising agency. It was quite a junior job, considering the experience she had from her years of working in China.
She did not enjoy the job and quit to work part-time at her husband’s start-up.
Despite the distance, Li has always remained very close to her family. She was feeling a bit adrift and turned to her mother for advice.
“It was 2024 and my mum kept telling me – try and get pregnant then you will have things to do in your life. I took that a little bit literally, and then my son happened. It was a big shock in the beginning.”
Li was 28, her husband did not have a permanent job, and the couple were unsure of where they would live. Her pregnancy was quite a stressful time but after the baby was born everything seemed to fall into place. They recently bought a house in Malahide, and Li’s husband works from home so they can split childcare responsibilities.
Raising a child without her family and friends around brings its own unique set of challenges. While Li believes that it has made the three of them incredibly close, it is also very demanding.
“Sleep deprivation is no joke. I compare myself to my husband’s cousin as he recently had a baby as well. We were invited to the baby’s birthday last week and I saw how much love the mother had from her friends and family. I felt a bit envious that she has that and I don’t really have it. I crave that connection too.”
She has recently started a YouTube channel as a way to process her thoughts and experiences and maybe even connect with others who feel the same way.
The couple are considering moving to China for a year or two so their child can experience life there and hopefully learn some Chinese.
We would like to hear from people who have moved to Ireland. To get involved, email newtotheparish@irishtimes.com or send us two lines about yourself using the form below.
