Impostor syndrome — it’s the feeling that you’re out of your depth, a fraud, and that any day now you’ll be exposed. It’s not a recognised mental health disorder, but lots of us feel impostor syndrome, says Susi Lodola, a cognitive behavioural therapist accredited by the Irish Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy.
It comes in a few different flavours. “It’s believing that we have fooled others into always over estimating our abilities, and that we have tricked people into thinking we are great,” says Lodola. “The next type is attributing personal success to factors other than one’s ability or intelligence, such as luck or extra work. Or it can be that the person who is judging me as successful, they don’t know what they are talking about.” Of course the big fear is that we will be exposed.
Who does it affect?
Impostor syndrome affects both men and women. “Usually it affects people who are high achievers. They hold themselves to a very high standard and want to achieve excellence. Nothing else matters,” says Lodola. Impostor syndrome often exists alongside anxiety and depression.
What causes it?
Impostor syndrome can stem from our core beliefs about ourselves — these are beliefs formed by our upbringing or peer group. These beliefs are so deep-rooted we may not even be aware of them. “Somebody with impostor syndrome may have a core belief that if I don’t perform to this very high standard, then I won’t be loved or I’m not worthy,” says Lodola.
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How can we overcome it?
Talk about your feelings with someone whose opinion you value, such as a mentor, says Lodola. That’s not always possible, however; because if you feel like an impostor, you may not want to admit to those feelings, she says. Cognitive behavioural therapy is another route. “It can help you unearth your core beliefs and reprogramme them,” says Lodola. That’s done by looking at your achievements.
“Make a list of your achievements, write them down as far back as you remember and get your friends and family to contribute,” she says. This helps you to acknowledge your achievements and to question your thoughts. If you’ve worked hard on a project but assume others are thinking your contribution is rubbish, question that assumption. “Tune into those thoughts and ask, what evidence have I got for that, how can I know what other people think?”
Don’t fight the feelings
Instead of fighting the feeling of being an impostor, get curious about it. “Embrace that feeling and explore it, ask ‘why am I feeling that?’ Can you link it back to childhood where you only got love when you brought home grade As or 10/10? Learn to look at yourself as good enough rather than looking to be perfect,” says Lodola.
Take your time
If you are in your 30s, 40s, 50s or older and suffering from impostor syndrome, it’s been with you for a while, and so it may take some time to unwind. Be patient. “It’s about working with someone who understands how to get to your core beliefs, who can help you to identify your thoughts, and learn about the different types of sabotaging and faulty cognitions that are going on. Then it’s about trying to reprogramme them by finding evidence against the core beliefs that you are holding.”
