The only people talking more about the US election than the Irish are, well, US voters. Irishwoman Jenny McCann, newly-transplanted to suburban Connecticut, eavesdrops on her neighbours.
SCENE ONE
In a suburban Starbucks, 50 miles north of Manhattan, two over-exercised women in tight running leggings and ski fleeces are having their morning caffeine fix.
"I wonder if we'll know who the nominees are after Super Tuesday?" Skinny-Brunette muses.
"I'd say we'll know whether or not it's Obama or Clinton, but I bet the Republican vote will be split between Huckabee, Romney, McCain and Giuliani." Skeleton-Blonde takes a sip of her tall skinny cinnamon dolce latte.
"Giuliani is only liked in New York and Florida - which also happens to be full of New Yorkers." Skinny-Brunette stretches out her long, black-clad legs. "It seems really tight between Obama and Clinton. I wouldn't be surprised if those two go all the way to the Democratic Convention in August."
Skeleton-Blonde takes another sip of her coffee. "It's a daft system - different states, not even all 50 of them, voting on different days. Some states having public caucuses and others having secret ballots. All of these candidates spending fortunes, and then dropping out when they don't get enough votes."
"If Hillary wins the Democratic nomination, I bet Bloomberg will enter the race. He knows how divisive she is." Skeleton-Blonde smiles sympathetically at a young mother struggling with a badly behaved toddler. "I know he has lots of money, but what's the point, wasting it all on a race that he's never going to win? All he'll do is split the Democratic vote."
"Yikes. Look at the time! I'm on library duty for Cara's class in five minutes!" Skinny-Brunette jumps up and races out the door.
SCENE TWO
Six middle-aged, over-educated white people are at a dinner party. Two of the guests, along with the host and hostess, are enjoying the sound of their own voices, while the other two are silently wondering at what time they can politely go home.
"So what does anyone think Hillary's real chances are now?" Ms Professional-PTA-Mom, trying to take control of an increasingly heated conversation, ventures forward.
"Hopefully they're in decline. To have gone from clear contender a couple of months ago, to third place in Iowa, a scraped first place in New Hampshire, a muddle in Nevada, and a hammering in South Carolina hardly bodes well for her." Mr Enthusiastic-Not-For-Profit reaches across the table for some bread. "Besides, if Hillary and Billary get back into the White House, that means more than two decades of Bush/Clinton dynastical tendencies. That's not really appropriate for a Republic."
"Agreed. We need change." Ms Professional-PTA-Mom pops a few lettuce leaves into her mouth.
"Change, change, change. It has become a monotonous mantra. Bush is gone, either way, and so it's going to be change, regardless of who gets elected," Ageing-Pro-Hillary-Dude pipes up.
"Not really. If McCain gets in, we stay in Iraq," Mr Enthusiastic-Not-For-Profit retorts.
"McCain has a lot to offer," Mr Lone-McCain-Supporter quickly interjects. "And with regard to Iraq, his view is that we screwed up with how we went in, but we've made a commitment there, and now we need to see it through to the end."
"And what might that end be?"
"A stable country with proper economic and political structures in place. Disarmed Sunni and Shiite militias." Mr Lone-McCain-Supporter glugs back some more wine. "The whole region needs to be stabilised; it's where Al Qaeda comes from, and it's where most of the world's oil is. If we don't win this one, we leave ourselves vulnerable to more terrorist attacks and lose all credibility . . ."
"Stabilising Iraq doesn't mean the whole area gets stabilised," Ms Professional-PTA-Mom interrupts. "Look at Pakistan, look at Syria, look at Iran. We just need to get out of there."
"Huh!" Mr Enthusiastic-Not-For-Profit thumps a clenched fist on the table. "Do you not think that the US has already lost all credibility?
"Petraeus's surge, which McCain supports, is working." Mr Lone-McCain-Supporter ignores Mr Enthusiastic-Not-For-Profit's comment, and persists with: "Iraq will disintegrate into civil war if the US pulls out now."
"That's not our problem."
"It is our problem; the US needs to finish what it started."
Mr Enthusiastic-Not-For-Profit pours himself another glass of wine. "Our presence there is antagonistic, and as long as we're there, the Iraqis will feel like an occupied people."
"Well," Ms Professional-PTA-Mom carefully chews a morsel of meat. "We at least get to have some say in it, which is more than the Iraqis have. Vote for Giuliani, Romney or McCain and you're voting to stay indefinitely. Vote for Edwards or Obama and you're voting for a pretty quick withdrawal. Vote for Hillary and you're getting a realistic, if weary acknowledgement that we're probably in Iraq for well into the first term." Ms Professional-PTA-Mom smiles at her own succinctness.
"Good old Hillary." Ageing-Pro-Hillary-Dude leans back and drapes his arm around the back of Ms Professional-PTA-Mom's chair, before continuing with: "Realistic, balanced and experienced with regard to everything."
"Shall I get the dessert?" Ms Professional-PTA-Mom, sensing a glower from her husband, Mr Enthusiastic-Not-For-Profit, jumps up and runs into the kitchen.
SCENE THREE
Three mothers wrapped in sleeping bag jackets are perched on cold, wooden benches at the edge of a skating rink, half-watching their eight-year-old sons play ice-hockey against a rather aggressive looking team.
"Mitt Romney is very smarmy isn't he?" Ice-Hockey-Mom's eye catches a glimpse of a picture of Romney in somebody else's New York Times.
"Oh, yeees." Alpha-Female-Banker emphatically agrees. "And I wish these Republicans would stop tossing religion and God into the mix; it's so yesterday and so Bushesque."
"Are Mormons still allowed to have more than one wife?" Desperately-Tired-Mother-of-Four rubs her bleary eyes.
"Nooo! Utah had to outlaw that at the end of the 19th century."
"Oh, what a pity. It would have been fun to have had two or three First Ladies in the White House."
"If we end up with a Baptist or Mormon as President, we will be the laughing stock of the world." Ice-Hockey-Mom winces, as her son receives a smart tap, on the back of his leg, from an opponent's ice-hockey stick.
"Most of Middle America doesn't care what the world thinks. They like Huckabee's nativist attitude."
"Where do people get these made-up words from?" Desperately-Tired-Mother-of-Four ventures forward. "I mean, what does nativist mean? Anyway, I thought the real natives were the Native Americans, or the Indians, or whatever is acceptable to call them now."
"I really hope Huckabee doesn't last, because if he gets in, I'm bunched." Alpha-Female-Banker hugs her knees, and leans back on the bench, before continuing with: "You know that he wants to impose a Secure America plan, where all the illegal immigrants, which includes my Isabella, will have to register and then leave the country within four months."
"Oh no!" Desperately-Tired-Mother-of-Four looks horrified. "You'll never find another baby-sitter like Isabella."
"I know. And I would love to get her a green card if I could, but even that option has gone by the wayside after the immigration reform disaster in Congress last summer."
"Why would anyone come here as an illegal alien?" Ice-Hockey-Mom ponders. "You have to take all the horrible jobs that nobody wants; you're never going to get paid enough to live here, and any dollars sent back home are worth half what they used to be. It's next to impossible to get car insurance without a US driver's licence, and if you get sick, you're finished, since you're never going to have health insurance."
"It shows how awful it is where they are, that they feel they have to leave their homes and families to come here." Desperately-Tired-Mother-of-Four shakes her head and looks forlorn.
"We need a Democrat. Any Democrat." Alpha-Female-Banker's voice becomes more passionate. "They're much more immigration friendly."
"Well, they're more realistic about it, and know that you can't just send 12 million people home." Ice-Hockey-Mom begins to laugh. "Forget the effects on the economy; can you imagine the mess at the airports if all the illegal immigrants have to leave within four months? Apart from McCain and Giuliani, those nasty Republicans are getting a little too wrathful about immigration and securing America."
"Romney had illegal immigrants cutting his grass and then, when Huckabee was Governor in Arkansas, he proposed scholarships for children of illegal immigrants, saying that America was a better country than one that would punish children for the sins of their parents."
"Spoken like a true Baptist." Alpha-Female-Banker stands up to get a better look at the ice-hockey game. "Wow, that kid is such a bully. Where's this team from anyway?"
SCENE FOUR
A cocktail party where half the guests have already drunk too much, and two European males have cornered a Republican corporate executive in the kitchen.
European Expat number one stares in dismay at the can of American lager that has just been handed to him. "If I could vote, I would vote for Obama."
"Just as well then, that you can't vote." Staunch-Republican-Corporate-Executive pipes up. "One of the first things he would do is raise taxes. That's a pretty disastrous move to make when a country is about to go into recession."
"He wants to cut taxes for the poor and the middle classes," European Expat number two interrupts. "Obama's tax increases are focused on capital gains and dividends, and on letting Bush's tax cuts for the wealthy expire. His plan being that this will help pay for reform in your disastrous health system."
"We've got the best medical care in the world."
"Provided you can pay for it." Expat number one, being French, rolls the 'r' in 'provided' along with his eyes, and continues with: "It would never happen in France that one-sixth of our population would have no health cover, and that for those who do have insurance, that it might not be enough when catastrophe strikes."
"It's much more complicated than that." Staunch-Republican-Corporate-Executive takes a prosciutto-stuffed fig from a passing plate. "Obama thinks that he can go in, and within one term, take on all the drugs companies and the health insurance companies, as well as persuading small family firms to provide health care for everybody in their employ. Frankly, it smacks of his naivety and lack of experience."
Expat number one pours his beer down the sink. "Enthusiasm, energy and optimism can be misinterpreted for naivety. Voting-in Obama will send out a fantastic signal to the rest of the world and will be the best possible PR for the US."
"He has good judgment, and he can surround himself with great experience," Expat number two declares as he munches through a mini-goats' cheese crostini. "Everybody said that Kennedy didn't have much experience either."
"I rest my case." Staunch-Republican-Corporate-Executive smiles smugly. "What was Kennedy's first international foray? The Bay of Pigs fiasco!"
"I need another drink." Expat number one wanders off towards the makeshift bar in the far corner.