Why are basic manners, like thank you cards, seen as old fashioned?

Last month saw children all over the country frantically ripping paper off presents as they joyfully revealed what Santa Claus had left under the tree. Countless others were fortunate enough to receive extra gifts from grandparents, aunts, uncles and godparents. All of these offerings were pondered over, paid for, wrapped and sent off to their relevant recipients in time for the season of goodwill.

And while of course we all know that giving should be as good as receiving, that doesn’t mean the little blighters who were showered with gifts should show no gratitude – giving a gift can bring about a great feeling of satisfaction to the giver, but this emotion somewhat loses its sparkle when met with a deathly silence.

I have lost count of the number of times I have spent precious hours searching for the perfect present for a young relative, handed over hard-earned cash and then, worst of all, joined the dreaded queue in the post office to ensure the gift arrived in time for Christmas – or indeed a birthday.

But I actually don’t mind any of the above, particularly as most of the children in question take the time to let me know that they have received their present and are happy with it (whether this part is always true, I will never know). But despite most of my friends and relatives having good-mannered children, over the years many gifts have not been acknowledged.

Bad manners

This is not only extremely bad manners on behalf of the recipient or, dare I say it, their parents, but it also puts me in an awkward position as I have been left wondering whether or not the present even arrived.

If I asked outright, it would seem as if I was fishing for a thank you, but if I didn’t ask, I would be left worrying that the child may think I had forgotten to send them something. Without a subtle query, one or both of us could be left in the dark.

Because of this conundrum, thank you letters are something I have always encouraged my children to send. When they were small and unable to write, I would do the honours. As they got older, they would set aside an hour armed with colouring pencils and paper and send an individual note to everyone who had taken the time to send them a gift.

And now that they are far too old to be sending home-made cards, they will buy a packet of notelets and send a brief message to all their benefactors.

Of course, they may moan at having to take time out from their hectic social lives (or being torn away from a computer screen), but I remain steadfast: if someone has gone to the effort of remembering them, no matter how big or small the gift (or even if they don’t like it), they should take a few minutes to acknowledge it.

In this day and age, basic manners seem to be seen as old-fashioned, unnecessary and somewhat pointless, but when the time comes for today’s youngsters to start buying gifts for friends and family, I’m sure they would all like a little appreciation.

Valuable life lesson

This could be in the form of a phone call or, if that is too time-consuming, a simple text or email – but really nothing beats a written thank you note, particularly when it comes from a child.

And teaching them not to expect to be bestowed with gifts without deigning to respond in kind is giving them a valuable life lesson.

Naturally children would rather avoid the tedium of making or even writing cards to well-meaning relatives, but by not insisting that they do it, parents are omitting an important part of their social education – as we all need to learn how to be grateful, gracious and, indeed, not take people or things for granted.

So if you haven’t already done it, go out and buy a book of stamps and a packet of notelets (or better still let the children put a few euros towards the cost), and ensure everyone who took the trouble to remember your child this Christmas is thanked for their efforts, because aside from the valuable lesson in basic good manners, failing to do this could ensure your little darlings have a lot less under the tree when the festive season comes around next year.