A Valentine to a cheapskate
Chocolates from Lidl
Champagne from Aldi
I’m forever yours
You old baldy
A Valentine to an unfaithful spouse
We promised to be faithful
Until one of us died
Now there’s one thing
You haven’t tried
I’ve been through your phone
You’re not alone
A Valentine from your cat
Roses are red
Violets are blue
As long as I’m fed
I don’t care about you
Valentine to a Facebook stalker
When we were bedding
I thought of our wedding
Dressed in white
The perfect age
Then you hacked by site
Now get off my page
Valentine to a lover who thinks chocolates are enough
I ate all the chocolates, replaced them with rocks.
You'll get just desserts
When you open the box.
To an infrequent bather. . .
I’m fuming
At your grooming
As your nasal hair is booming
Yet, it’s not your breath
Your hair, your feet
It isn’t even how you eat
I’ve told you twice
It’s the lice
To a flatulent lover
I'll love you forever
Despite the grey hair
Whatever the weather
Sleep farts we will share.
To a beauty queen...
My darling, my lover
You're mostly good enough
But when you rise in the morning,
Good god you look rough.
Without all your slap
I don't know who you are
And I know that those eyelashes
come from a jar
To a "really good friend"
Rose are red,
And the sun is yellow,
you make me blue
But you're such a nice fellow
I've been meaning to tell you,
I think we should just be friends.
This is where is ends.
