Emissions/Kilian Doyle: A recent survey commissioned by a British insurance company that showed accessorising is de rigueur among most car owners. A quarter of respondents confessed to having spent upwards of £100 (€155) on this loathsome activity.
Have people nothing better to spend their money on? The worst thing is not that only 2 per cent bought dangling air fresheners and suchlike because they were "practical", but that 12 per cent adorn their cars with this cretinous muck and justify it by claiming they do it "to give other people a giggle".
Err, thanks, you're too kind. How can I ever repay the magnanimous generosity the inflatable boobs on your rear window-ledge display?
Another unnerving development is the popularity of the bumper sticker. For there's a pernicious side to them, one that seems to instil in their owners either a feeling of vehicular invincibility, or the divine right to insult other motorists with impunity.
We wouldn't mind so much if they said something constructive. "Always wear clean underwear in case you get hit by a bus", "Never trust a politician", "Did you leave the gas on?" or "Smile - You could be Belgian". Practical positive messages like that.
But most are just infuriating. We all know the scenario: you're out for an afternoon ramming session, when you spot your victim. Closing in for the kill, suddenly you have to abort mission and swerve off into a lamppost as the dreaded "Baby on Board" sticker looms into sight.
It's so disappointing, especially when you catch the look of smug self-satisfaction on the enemy's face in their rear view mirror as they drive off. As for the presence or otherwise of a kid in the rear seat, you'll just never know.
We would be interested to see how many so-called road rage incidents can be directly traced to obnoxious adornments. There are only so many times a normal that a decent human can be faced with a plastic hand giving them the finger or be called a moron for not supporting Man Utd before violence is justified.
"I'm sorry, your honour, but David Beckham's arse made me do it." No judge would convict you.
We're all for team allegiances - pointless in reality, but they give the tribeless "civilised" man something to stand up for. However, one has to pity the driver we recently witnessed who had a "Tiocfaidh Ár Lá" sticker on one side of his car and a mini-Beckham shirt on the other. Irony-bypass perchance?
On the subject of irony, have you ever seen a Porsche with a "My other car is a clapped-out 1989 Ford Escort with 258,000 miles on the clock" sticker? Thought not. Shame one can't say the same for the reverse case. IT'S JUST NOT FUNNY, OK?
One final point. If you're close enough to read this, you're too bleedin' close! All right?