What's in and what's out on the wedding list

With the wedding season in full swing, Alanna Gallagherdiscovers what couples really want...

THE BIGGEST headache a wedding guest can have - outside of family or former lover politics - is figuring out what to buy the happy couple.

In general, most nearly-weds already live together and have everything they need.

You want to buy something that will remind them of you, rather than what they want, so the cardinal rule is to park your ego and adhere to the wedding list, unless you've discussed an alternative and got the approval of both parties.

The list is also the only way to avoid being on the receiving end of a recycled present, says Peregrine Armstrong Jones of Bentley's, the London-based event management company that oversaw Robbie Keane's nuptials last weekend. You minimise the risk of receiving howlers.

While the average value of a wedding list is in the region of €4,000, it's surprising how traditional the requests remain. Kettles and toasters are still key components, but only top-of-the-range.

"Couples are upgrading what they have by replacing the appliances they bought when they first set up home," says Tania Meighan, at Arnotts.

How much should you spend on a present? As founding editor of Confetti magazine, I consider it reasonable to spend the same amount that is being spent on you at the wedding breakfast - if the menu is €120 per person, that's your guide as to how much you should be giving, and skinflints take note - that's per person.

At Arnotts, the average spend on wedding list items is between €150 and €200, but most of these purchases are made by couples, says Meighan.

Singles get stung on single supplements as well as having to spend more on their present if they don't go in with a group, and Meighan's data says that most guests don't collaborate on their gifts.

Exposé reporter Sybil Mulcahy is a guest at six weddings this summer. She's spending €250 on really good friends and €200 otherwise. Cash is still king, says Mulcahy, who gives cheques of €200 when the request is for cash.

It's something a lot of guests don't like to do, but for the couple who has everything, it can simply be the most successful option.

The marital bed, another traditional gift, remains a big focus. Sheets, throws and goose down duvets are all luxuries that you don't tend to buy for yourself. Lulu Guinness's bed linen, available from Clerys, is a popular choice.

Mulcahy likes Lexington sheets from House of Fraser, or the selection at Bottom Drawer in Brown Thomas. Their summer sale starts in late June and is a good time for guests to stock up.

The White Company's sheets, velvet silk throws and cashmere blankets make great presents and are available to order from Helen Turkington (01-412 5138). Under the auspices of designer Helen McAlinden, Foxford Blankets is once more a wedding list favourite and a great heritage gift. Lambswool throws start from €70 at No 6 Castle Market, House of Fraser and Kilkenny Design.

Film and television producer Annemarie Naughton got married two summers ago. She didn't have a wedding list but received lots of Brown Thomas vouchers, which she converted into heirloom pieces like canteens of cutlery and Waterford Crystal vases.

She considers these purchases "the usual stuff you feel you should buy because your granny did".

While cases of wine make a quaffable present, particularly if you include tasting notes, a jeroboam of wine- the equivalent of four bottles - is a far more impressive present to give red drinkers and another favourite with Naughton. That, or a Methuselah of champagne, are gifts with serious wow factor but need to be ordered weeks in advance, according to Gavin Watchorn of Brechin Watchorn Wines (01-491 1763). A jeroboam of St Emilion Le Castelot grand cru will cost from €320.

Art is another option. But where do you start? There are some very good print galleries where you can pick up something suited to the occasion - and to your pocket.

The Dalkey Arts Gallery (01-284 9663) is a good local source, with prints from €180, says Naughton. In town the Original Print Gallery (01-677 3657), Graphic Studio Gallery (01-679 8012) and the Printmaker's Gallery (01-671 4978) all offer entry-level pieces.

Enlist the help of artist friends where possible. A painting of one of my favourite pairs of shoes by artist Blaise Smith is still one of the best gifts I received and has pride of place over the mantelpiece. It's extra special because Blaise has written an inscription on the back.

Another great present I received was an inlaid fruitwood planter, lead-lined and filled with ice and a bottle of champagne delivered to my door on the morning of the wedding. My mother-in-law bought it in Sheppard's Auction House of Durrow. Best of all was the attached card that said "welcome to the family".

Other ideas that fit the "something old" mould are canteens of antique silver and dining sets, which can be picked up at auctions by canny buyers. The Silver Shop (01-679 4147) in Powerscourt Townhouse Centre has affordable pieces such as a set of six Art Deco teaspoons with a coffee bean at their tip and a shell bowl that were made in Birmingham in 1934. At €150 they're perfectly priced for singles.

Seasoned wedding guest and bride-to-be Derval Brady is an account manager with Javelin Direct and is getting married next year. The wishlist is a new addition to the traditional wedding list, she says. This is a request for substantial presents that require several friends to club together to buy. A plasma TV usually has top billing.

For Brady, the traditional gift of crystal wine glasses is a safe bet. She recommends Patrick Guilbaud's range for Tipperary Crystal. They're classy without being too heavy, she observes.

Marc Jacobs' champagne saucers for Waterford Crystal are another option for the fashion-forward.

A book of some sort, a first or limited edition that you inscribe, is as personal a gift as you can find and will, hopefully pass from generation to generation. Kennys online and An Cathach on South Anne Street are good places to start.

Design heads will appreciate the limited editions at Phaidon (phaidon.com/collectorseditions or you can call customer service in the UK: 0044 207 843 1234). Another book option is an atlas which lays the world at their feet.

Travel is another great gift idea. Good luggage is gaining popularity, says Clerys' wedding list department, where Samsonite remains the brand of choice. And anyone with wanderlust should sign up to Trailfinders' (01-881 4950) wedding list system that allows guests to pay as little as €20 by phone, post or in person. Colloquially, these are known as "honeymiles".

Weddingwishlist.ie is another resource worth investigating. It includes some design classics such as Hans Wegner's wishbone chairs, and the more contemporary Philippe Starck Mademoiselle chairs. Just remember to attach a card so the happy couple know who the thoughtful present came from.