‘It’s my therapy’: How running helped a bereaved woman through overwhelming grief

There are days when Laurena Meagher doesn't feel like running. Days when she's tired or stressed or when she knows freezing rain will cut into her face as she pounds the cold pavement. But she makes herself do it nonetheless.

For the 38-year-old primary school teacher and mother of two, living in Clane, Co Kildare, running is more than just a way to keep fit. It's her coping mechanism and one that has helped her deal with overwhelming grief.

It is grief for her late husband Kevin Fogarty, who died tragically almost five years ago – just one month and a day after the couple were married.

A normally healthy man of 32 who worked as a plumber, Kevin had become ill while the couple and their two children – Callum, who’s now 13, and Layla-Jane, now 10 – were on a trip to London to visit Laurena’s sister, Orla.

Fresh air therapy makes even more sense in the busy run-up to Christmas

---

Snack sales expose cynical, misleading rhetoric

---

‘When will we have drugs to treat Covid, doc?’

---

At one point he said he felt like his body was shutting down and yet he refused to see a doctor

Having complained of a pain in his back in the days prior to their trip, Kevin became increasingly unwell and was showing symptoms of a cold once they arrived. “He was usually such a good-humoured person,” says Laurena. “But he was very quiet and acting a little bit strange. At one point he said he felt like his body was shutting down and yet he refused to see a doctor.”

On her husband’s insistence and thinking that Kevin simply had a bad cold, Laurena went sight-seeing in London with her sister and their children. She left Kevin with her brother-in-law, who later joined them.

Before she left, she put a blanket from her nephew’s buggy over her husband who was lying on the couch and kissed him softly on the head.

She phoned during the day and he once again insisted that he was okay. But later that evening on their return, as their car pulled up to her sister’s home, Laurena noted the house was in darkness. Instinctively, she knew something was wrong.

Grabbing the house keys from her sister, she left the children in the car and ran to the front door. She dropped her bag at the bottom of the stairs and ran up two flights of stairs to the loft room in which Kevin had been resting.

He was lying upright on the floor, dead.

Laurena screamed so loudly that her sister heard it from the car outside. “My eldest son Callum, who was only eight at the time, still says that when he heard me scream he knew what had happened,” she says.

The weeks that followed were something of a blur for Laurena. The situation was confounded by the fact that a postmortem had to be done on Kevin’s body because he was alone when he passed away.

It was a week before the body could be brought home and buried. To make matters worse, the postmortem procedure was delayed and it took 18 months before Laurena received information about the cause of his death. In the end, It was concluded there had been fluid around Kevin’s heart due to an infection.

In the meantime, Laurena not only struggled with her own grief but had to comfort her children in the aftermath of their father’s death, while facing the fact that she was a single mother. “I just kept going. It was like I was on auto-pilot,” she says. “But I went into myself. I didn’t want to be around people and I refused offers of help from family and friends. I wanted to be independent.”

She tried counselling but it didn’t help. In fact, the only thing that alleviated her pain somewhat was running. She’d dabbled in running and been a member of a running club before her husband’s death. But when he died, she convinced herself that she’d never run again. “I really thought I would never enjoy anything in life again,” she says.

Then one day a few weeks later, Laurena decided she would attempt a run. She drove to a nearby forest and jogged a few kilometres in the January cold. She started crying as she ran. Then she couldn’t stop. She cried her eyes out the whole way and sat dramatically sobbing in the car afterwards, but it was a relief. “I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders,” she says.

In the weeks that followed, Laurena continued to run on her own and each time she would cry. One day, she bumped into her running coach who encouraged her to come back to the running club.

She’s been running ever since. These days, she runs six days a week and has competed in both the Dublin and Manchester marathons. “I procrastinate and complain about it beforehand, but nothing in my life makes me feel as calm and switched on as running,” she says. “It’s my therapy.”

Although there has been little research on the subject, a study published by Sports Medicine Open in April this year (Can Physical Activity support Grief Outcomes in Individuals who Have Been Bereaved? A Systematic Review) found some evidence that physical activity may improve both the physical and psychological wellbeing in those who have been bereaved.

This is because it helps to alleviate feelings of depression, anxiety and the experience of post-traumatic stress disorder; while also creating a sense of freedom, enabling the expression of emotions, providing a distraction and an escape from grief, according to the study.

"Bereavement is a chronic stressor," says Niall Moyna, professor of clinical exercise physiology in the school of health and human performance at Dublin City University. "We know from research that if you're exposed to an acute novel stressor, you're immune system is lowered. Therefore, exercise is likely to decrease stress levels and improve overall health in a person who is grieving."

Bereavement counsellor Anne Butler says exercise can be beneficial when dealing with grief from a psychological point of view. "Grief is a journey of emotions," she says. "Exercise triggers the release of endorphins and this can facilitate the expression of these emotions."

It’s not just exercise that facilitates this release, however. Walking in nature, singing or playing music, art and writing can all be help in expressing the various emotions resulting from bereavement, she says.

“Everyone is different so you need to find what works best for you. The important thing to remember is that you can start to heal once you’ve experienced these emotions and anything that helps with that process is a positive,” she says.

Sign up for one of The Irish Times' Get Running programmes (it is free!). 
First, pick the eight-week programme that suits you.
- Beginner Course: A course to take you from inactivity to running for 30 minutes.
- Stay On Track: For those who can squeeze in a run a few times a week.
- 10km Course: Designed for those who want to move up to the 10km mark.
Best of luck!