What's the worst that could happen? Axl gets the finger out

Brian Boydon music

When pressed about the continuing delay of Guns N' Roses' Chinese Democracyalbum, their manager, Andy Gould, said: "When they asked Michelangelo to paint the Sistine Chapel, they didn't say 'Can you have it ready for Q4?'. Great art sometimes take time." There's a lot more to this statement that meets the eye - it reveals that the album is in trouble even before it's out of the blocks.

Typically, one of the duties of the the manager of a rock band is to decode the psychobabble ramblings of his demented charges. He is the one who helps them make a connection between the rock superstar world and planet Earth; to explain to his charges what the concept of "reality" signifies. But when the manager begins evoking the term "Sistine Chapel" to describe the work of a washed-up loo-la who has spent 16 years getting 14 three-and-a-half minute songs ready for public consumption, you can only imagine what sort of bullshit he's been feeding Axl Rose over the years.

Judging by what's been leaked from Chinese Democracyso far, we can safely say that this album will be remembered for its notoriety more than its content. The amount of time, expense and exasperation wasted on Chinese Democracymeans that, even if Guns N' Roses (although even that band name is a travesty these days, seeing as it's only Axl Rose and a revolving cast of session musicians) were about to release one of the best albums of all time, it would still end up being an anti-climax.

Work on the album began back in 1992. At that time, the band was bigger than bread of the sliced variety, but then, the ol' celebrity psychosis kicked in. One by one band members legged it, yet Rose seemed oblivious to the decline and fall of a once globe-beating band.

Studio engineers were instructed to preserve every note played in the studio (which is why there are over 1,000 CDs and 1,000 DAT tapes in a lock-up somewhere outside Los Angeles). Each one of the many employees on the record (producers, sessions players, guitar-whisperers and so on) were required to sign strict, legally binding confidentiality agreements relating to the album; they also had to submit a photograph of themselves, which Rose would pass on to his personal guru for "psychic inspection" so that they could be scanned for "honesty and moral strength".

The one story that did leak should have been comical but is perhaps more a comment on the whole sorry episode. One of the session guitarists - by the name of Buckethead (he's called this because he performs while wearing a Kentucky Fried Chicken bucket on his head) - asked for a chicken coop to be built into the studio so he could watch over his collection of live chickens. This was all fine except for the fact that Rose forgot to tell Buckethead that he had a number of pet wolf cubs in his house, and sometimes he brought them into the studio.

It wouldn't surprise me in the slightest if the real reason Axl Rose has decided to release this album now is simply to spite the Dr Pepper drinks company. Dr Pepper (which is third behind Coke and Pepsi in the US soft-drinks market) promised in March to give a free drink to every American (about 280 million people) if Chinese Democracyis released in 2008.

The company is apparently mightily pissed off at Rose getting the album out six weeks before its offer expired. However, it decided to honour the agreement and has just announced details of the giveaway: on the day of the album's release (November 23rd), all US citizens have just 24 hours to log on to drpepper.com and register, and after an expected six-week wait, everyone who registers will receive a voucher for a 20-ounce can. Dr Pepper also announced that the offer is good for every US citizen - except former Guns N' Roses guitarists Slash and Buckethead. I'm beginning to feel a bit sorry for the latter now.

But I've no sympathy for either Dr Pepper or Guns N' Roses, mainly because I am about to lose a bet. I laid a middling-sized wager that there would be democracy in China (the country) before Chinese Democracywas released.

Thanks Axl. I hope one of your wolf cubs chews all your stupid hair off.