Michael Moore feeling the big chill

That respected website Film Threat has shocked 48 per cent of the American population by placing Michael Moore at the top of its annual Frigid Fifty list. Moore is declared the coldest person in Hollywood because, contrary to his intentions, he "galvanized the opposition in a bid to re-elect Bush. And Bush won."

Coming in at No 2, on the back of her unjustly ridiculed turn in the delightful Catwoman, was Halle Berry. Others to make the top 10 included Nicole Kidman and, with depressing inevitability, Ben Affleck. Congratulations to "Colin Farrell's Penis" which, following its exclusion from A Home at the End of the World, was, at No 17, determined the highest Irish entry.

Crumbling Crix nix Oscar pix

There is a real sense of desperation setting in among that cadre of entertainment journalists who spend six months of the year speculating about the nominees and winners for the coming Academy Awards. Though this has not been a bad year for movies, the lack of an obvious Oscar contender - you know, something long, boring, set in the past, starring Tom Hanks and a wheelchair - has led to the touting of a new prospect for multiple noms each week.

For a while, before anyone saw the wretched thing, Joel Schumacher's Andrew Lloyd Webber's Phantom of the Opera was being seen as the great hope. Then, coming completely out of left field, Clint Eastwood's Million Dollar Baby suddenly became - appropriately enough for a film about boxing - a contender. Should that fail to butter voters' parsnips, then Catwoman may still be in with a chance.

Apple of their parents' eyes

How disappointing that Julia Roberts, proud new mother of Hazel and Phinnaeus Moder, selected baby names that were merely a wee bit stuffy rather than plain ridiculous. It is part of a celebrity's job to entertain the press by saddling their offspring with handles so demeaning that school bullies hardly feel the need to raise a fist. Just ask Apple Martin-Paltrow or Jermaine Jackson's son Jermajesty or - our absolute favourite - Audio Science Clayton, son of dreadful actress Shannyn Sossamon. "Come in here Audio Science! Your dinner's ready!"

Waiting for Watchmen

Fans of Alan Moore's extraordinary DC comic Watchmen, in which a gang of cynical, aging superheroes creaks back into action one last time, may, while watching Pixar's similarly plotted The Invincibles, have found themselves wondering yet again what has become of the long delayed film version. For a decade or so Terry Gilliam was attached to the project. Then it was Darren Aronofsky.

Last week Paramount confirmed that Paul Greengrass, whose Bourne Supremacy was one of this summer's cinematic highlights, is set to direct with a 2006 release in mind. We'll believe it when we see it.

Notes on the festival circuit

The second German Film Festival will begin at the Irish Film Institute on December 6th with a screening of Ayse Polat's sensitive drama, En Garde, which carried off several awards at Locarno this year. All films featured will be Irish premières and include Thomas Grube and Enrique Sánchez Lansch's Rhythm Is It!, a documentary following Sir Simon Rattle's efforts to develop a production of Stravinsky's Rite of Spring with a group of Berlin schoolchildren; and Dennis Gansel's Napola, the story of a Nazi boarding school.

In other festival news, sort-of Irish playwright Martin McDonagh, having bagged the gong for Best First Irish Short at Cork, saw his film Six Shooter go one better and win the Best Irish Short award at last week's booming Seagate Foyle Film Festival. And yet more fest info: the Dublin International Film Festival has announced that the 2005 event will run from February 11th to February 20th. It was further revealed that James Morris from Windmill Lane and director Paddy Breathnach have joined the festival board.

For our eyes only

We'll keep it short. This week's Bond is Gruffudd - Ioan Gruffudd.

Sun-burned Bruce

If you had appeared in Antoine Fuqua's disastrously inappropriate refugee drama Tears of the Sun you'd probably want to sue those responsible for every penny they had. As it transpires, Bruce Willis is not taking action against the producers for making him look like an idiot, but because some sort of blunt object hit him on his big, bald head and caused him to go a bit funny. Indeed, he claims he has suffered extreme mental, physical and emotional pain.

Having seen the ghastly film, Reel News knows how he feels. Can we have a million dollars please? dclarke@irish-times.ie