1 For parents and children who believe in Santa but don't believe in queuing, the answer has to be a Santagram. Why bundle the kids up against the cold to stand shivering outside a department store when Santa can come to you? Particularly if you can afford it. Imagine the scene: as dusk falls, little Sorcha and Oisin are called by their mother into the dimly lit sittingroom. Beside the twinkling Christmas Tree sits a jolly old man in a red suit.
The children's chins drop to the floor at the sight of Santa Claus materialising before their very eyes.
At Home With Santa (01-6771119, 086-2620126 and 087-586959) is the brainchild of Angela Douglas, whose market research told her that at Christmas 1997 money would be no object for the Celtic Tiger's cubs. The visit costs £50 for the first child and £10 for each additional child: a maximum of four or five children is recommended. Angela's Santas are played by professional actors wearing costumes shipped in from New York. Having armed himself with a pre-visit consultation with parents, Santa extracts promises of good behaviour, collects soothers and bottles (he melts them and makes them into toy soldiers), takes the children's Santa letters to his workshop and can even reassure children of separated parents that he knows which house they'll be waking up in on Christmas morning. Children aged between four and seven are the ideal age for a Santa visit, Angela says. "At two-and-a-half they bawl crying and at 11 they are likely to try to pull off his beard and demand, `Who's the old geezer in the suit?' "
In the spirit of the fantasy, the visit is carefully choreographed by Santa's helper, who carries a mobile phone and rings ahead to arrange for the man in the red suit to sneak into the house. Santa's visit is rarely longer than 30 minutes, depending on the children's reaction: most children are too stunned to speak and Santa, being naturally reticent, usually leaves after 10 minutes. His exit is masterful: Santa's helper tells the children to go to the back of the house and look out the window very, very carefully for Santa and his reindeer as they speed off through the sky. Thus occupied, the children don't notice Santa disappearing down the road in his car.
2 Do your food shopping without leaving the house. Send your list to Bloomfield Food Hall's fax line (01-2301879) by noon and the elves will fill your shopping cart and deliver it the same day in the Dun Laoghaire area for a £3 charge (except Christmas Eve). Bloomfield's is also selling complete Christmas dinners - including turkey, ham, stuffing, gravy and Christmas pudding and mince pie - for only £5 for each person. Order in advance from food adviser Tina Dunne (01-2301863) and collect on Christmas Eve up to 4 p.m.
3 Dedicated foodies will be eating emu, wild boar and ostrich rather than turkey this year. All three are available at John Downey And Son Connoisseur Meats, Terenure, Dublin (01-4909239). Wild boar is all the rage and tastes great roasted with garlic - like pork but less bland. It costs £5.15-£7.50 a pound. If you must eat turkey, insist it's an American Bronze - "altogether a better bird," says John Downey. He sells sweet bronze birds reared in Wexford by Liam Fitch at £2 a pound.
4 Parents who want the joy of Christmas without the hassle can surrender to the luxury of three pampered days at the gorgeous Slieve Russell Hotel, Golf and Country Club at Ballyconnell, Co Cavan (049-26444) where Santa Claus will arrive by helicopter on Christmas Day. Parents can laze around while The Russell Rabbit Kiddies Club keeps the children occupied at no extra charge from 5.30 p.m. on Christmas Eve. The three-night package includes a drinks reception, all meals and entertainment from Christmas Eve through breakfast on the 27th at a cost of £345 for each adult (deluxe room); children, various prices. Details on request from Slieve Bloom.
5 Do your Christmas shopping in an Irish castle. Maria Plunkett, of Dunsany Castle, Co Meath, is selling some of her vast collection of exquisitely hand-embroidered Irish linens collected from the US, Belgium, France and Portugal, at prices starting from £10 for a hand towel to thousands of pounds for an organza tablecloth once owned by the Vanderbilts. The castle is open daily until 5 p.m., including Christmas Eve and children are most welcome - they'll love the armoury and the trains set up in the library. Admission is £3, children free (including sweets at the door).
6 If you love the social side of Christmas, but hate the humiliation of standing around in the middle of the night waiting for a taxi into which the previous occupant may have vomited, then hire your own chauffeur. Duty Driver (Ireland) Ltd (01-2841100) provides chauffeurs who will drive you in your own car to all your Christmas social engagements at a cost of £5 plus £10 an hour (minimum three hours' hire) plus VAT.
7 If you're fed up sending flowers, wine or hampers, why not say it with cheese this year. Grace Hamilton of Cellars of Taste (01-6771026, fax 01-6771558, mobile 087-2340570) has the perfect service for cheese-lovers: cheeses delivered at the peak of perfection at the precise moment of maturity at which they should be eaten. The dinner party selection features four succulent cheeses (try Cooleeney Camembert, Cashel Blue, Milleens and Gubbeen), plus a bottle of excellent Guigal Cotes du Rhone (red or white) and a half bottle of luscious Jaboulet Muscat de Beaumes de Venise, as well as fruit, cheese biscuits and napkins (£34.99 including same day delivery if ordered by 1 p.m., including Christmas Eve).
8 Send your Christmas cards into cyberspace. The Irish Times is offering readers with email free access to the Irish Times Christmas Card Service, which will despatch colourful electronic greetings to friends, relatives etc - as long, of course, as they also have email.
Simply access the Irish Times website at (www.irish-times.ie), click on the Christmas Card service, choose a card from a selection, fill in the details and send it off to any corner of the world. No stamps required.
9 You want something from the west but need it delivered in Dublin? That's no problem to Presents of Shop Street, Tuam, Co Galway (093-24626 or 093-24865) where unusual Christmas decorations made by members of the Tuam Craftworkers Guild are available. All kinds of Christmas floral arrangements made from dried flowers and silk, including garlands, swags and topiary trees in terracotta pots can be ordered from Tuam and delivered to Dublin, no problem.
10 BYOB - bring your own bauble. Travel so far away from Christmas that you'll forget what day it is on December 25th. Michael Stein Travel (014785707) is sending 200 Irish people on two-week Christmas tours of South Africa, including a few nights in a lodge at a game reserve where you might wake up with a zebra or buffalo on your lawn. The cost is approximately £1,500 each standard, £2,500 luxury class.
Another Christmas-free zone is the exclusive island of Kuredu in the Maldives. With Sandymount Travel, in Dublin (01-668 4399), seven nights in a superior room overlooking the clearwater lagoon is approximately £1,050 each economy, £1,350 first class. The ultimate escape is an oceanfront suite at the Grace Bay Hotel in the Turk and Caicos Islands in the Bahamas. Ten days cost the guts of £10,000 each, via Concorde, a mere £6,000-£7,000 on ordinary, first-class flights. Talk to Travel Broker (018333921).
Ever since Bing Crosby first sang White Christmas, skiing has been the ultimate romantic Christmas date. At the Crystal Club Resort in Vail, Colorado. a seven-night ski holiday costs s3]2,500 per person including four-star accommodation, flights, ski school and equipment. For half the price, 14 friends can share a four-star seven-bedroom chalet two minutes from the lift at the posh Courcheval ski resort in the French region of Les Trois Vallees (1,200 per person per week, including ski equipment and insurance). Step back in time by spending Christmas in a Scottish castle, manor, tower, folly or cottage.
The Landmark Trust is an independent charity that rescues and restores architecturally interesting and historic buildings and lets them for self-catering holidays. Rates vary from £726 a week for the Appleton water tower (sleeps four) to £1,194 a week for Clyptha Castle (sleeps six). Kitchens are outfitted to high standard but in keeping with the spirit of the trust there are no phones, no TV, no microwaves. For bookings and information call 0044-1628-825925; the handbook is essential and costs £8.50, refundable against booking.
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