I’ll never forget the time my taxi app told me I’d spent almost €500 in one month. That was before you counted the money I needed to actually do anything else at the end of those journeys. Before food, clothes, anything – this outlay was merely what it took to get from A to B.
At the time, in my late 20s, I was still living at home earning just enough to get by, working for a magazine. I despaired, thinking: “How am I ever going to afford to be able to live an actual life here?” Rent, save, travel? Deep down I knew I’d have to leave the country, but with a physical disability it felt insurmountable.
Public transport was the hardest and most expensive challenge due to my Cerebral Palsy (CP). It comes with a host of difficulties, including fatigue and a severe startle reflex which means I’ll never be able to drive.
I couldn’t stand and wait for buses if they didn’t arrive, which was almost always. Most stops were too far to walk to – even with my walking aid. I didn’t live near a train station, so I was stuck with taxis, which cost an average of €30 each way. My medical card was also taken off me for going over the earnings threshold (which has since gone up slightly), even though I was earning very little at the time.
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The Irish benefit system is of little help to disabled people, because everything is means-tested. You could work part-time and still be entitled to some support, but it’s not enough. You can’t live an independent life on such a small income, never mind that your disability might mean you are never able to work. Getting assistance for housing is possible, but can take years.
To make a move like this as a disabled person ... was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do
All of this combined with almost no accessible renting options and so few work opportunities, made me feel I was just surviving. Dublin was unlivable because just getting around drained me of energy and cost a fortune.
The basics were against me – and this was before I got into medical costs and money needed for everything else.
I had always wanted to travel, but emigration had become a necessity. I was angry and felt stuck, while everyone else around me seemed to move on.
To make a move like this as a disabled person – I would be leaving an invaluable support network behind – was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, but I felt there was no other choice.
So I saved for two years, put my life on hold and at 31 decided it was now or never.
The pandemic took over, and it was May 2021 when I arrived back in London to stay put after two years of back and forth.
The difference in terms of quality of living in London compared with that in Dublin is akin to night and day.
I have a life here that I’d never get in Ireland. An accessible, ground-floor flat (still cheaper to rent than in Dublin), several bus stops around the corner from where I live with buses that run every two minutes, and 24-hour buses too; and a GP, hospital visits, consultancy appointments and prescriptions that are all free on the NHS.
You can work full-time here and still be eligible for government benefits. You get free travel anywhere in London, money back on taxis and affordable dentists.
It’s not easy by any means, and I’ve been lucky. My disability is visible, so it has been easier to get on to the system here. I feel cared for and the basics are no longer so challenging. Friends and strangers are helpful and frequently kind, and any fellow Irish person makes a beeline for you when they hear even a sliver of an accent.
The Irish Government knows the disabled community exists, but we shouldn’t feel that we’re just existing – we deserve full, easier lives
I miss home every day. The Irish people, the chats, the smiling eyes, the fresh air, my godson’s laugh (so adorable I could burst). My mam’s cooking is a big loss, but I can’t see myself ever returning to live in Dublin unless there are many drastic changes to housing, transport and the rest.
Public transport is a challenge even for a non-disabled person. In Dublin in 2022, taxis are like gold dust. Plus a means-tested benefits system means you’re never in with a fair chance if your life is already hard.
And accessible, affordable housing options? That is still a dream.
The Irish Government knows the disabled community exists, but we shouldn’t feel that we’re just existing – we deserve full, easier lives.
And I would like to return home one day – if only for my mother’s cooking.
If you live overseas and would like to share your experience with Irish Times Abroad, email abroad@irishtimes.com with a little information about you and what you do
Jennifer McShane is a writer from Dublin
