“Kick it in the net. It’s not rocket science.”
Burnley boss Sean Dyche on the advice he gave his goal-shy forwards before they played Everton. And then they scored three. Genius.
That's how many Republic of Ireland players have scored in the Premier League this season, Burnley's Nathan Collins the latest (after Matt Doherty, Shane Duffy, Shane Long, Adam Idah, Jeff Hendrick, Andrew Omobamidele and Seamus Coleman)
Dover pain for P&O workers
Saturday pretty much summed up Dover Athletic’s season thus far. Hanging in there, 0-0 after 84 minutes, then they have a man sent off, and then they concede a 92nd minute winner to Maidenhead United.
Not that the result mattered a great deal, the club having already been relegated from the National League with 11 games to go. As it stands, they’re on -3 points, 36 adrift of safety, having won just one of their 36 games so far. Granted, a points deduction of 12, as punishment for being financially banjaxed, didn’t help.
But hats off to them, last week they made a very kind gesture to the 800 workers sacked by P&O Ferries, offering them, their partners and children free entry to their remaining home games.
The gist of the social media reaction? As you might fear. Eg: “Kick those people while they’re down, why don’t you?” Tut.
Word of Mouth
“K9 is Spiderman. K9 is Wolverine. K9 is that building doorman. K9 is your best friend. K9 is your grandmother. K9 is the president of the US. K9 is your parachute jump instructor. K9 is your guardian angel. K9 is God!”
Former Real Madrid goalkeeper Iker Casillas just a bit impressed by Karim Benzema and his Champions League hat-trick against Chelsea last week.
“Can you guys imagine? You are Ronaldo, one of the greatest players ever. And what’s his name is your captain?”
Bayern Munich’s Alphonso Davies is not only at a loss to understand why Harry Maguire is captain of Manchester United, he can’t even remember the poor fella’s name.
“I watched the match again and got angry at home in the middle of the night. The amount of chocolate I needed to get through it again was immense.”
Thomas Tuchel left with a decidedly sweet tooth after Chelsea’s Champions League defeat by Real Madrid.
Crypto kills Superman
Crawley Town manager John Yems was well chuffed last week when the club was taken over by a group of American cryptocurrency investors, a development that he reckons will bring some benefits during the summer (and beyond).
“We’re all off to Florida for a pre-season tour! We’ve entered the Americas Cup yachting race! We’re going to a rodeo! And I’m going to be chief cowboy on the horse!”
Yems did concede, though, that he had absolutely no clue what the new owners were talking about when he joined their press conference, not least when they vowed to bring “Web3’s most innovative ideas” to the club.
“I don’t know anything about computers,” he told the Sussex Express, “and to be honest, when you talk about crypto, I thought it was the kind of thing that kills Superman.” You’re not alone John, you’re not alone.
More Word of Mouth
“If we look at what I’ve done this season it’s quite fair and factual to say I’m among the best wingers in the world.”
A somewhat immodest Arnaut Danjuma - but in fairness, he then went and scored the winner for Villarreal against Bayern Munich in the first leg of their Champions League quarter-final, so maybe his assessment was fair and factual after all.
“We sensed that they would play 5-3-2, but they adjusted and they became 5-5-0. In prehistory, today and in a hundred thousand years, it is very difficult to attack a 5-5-0.”
Pep Guardiola on the challenge of breaking down a somewhat cautious Atletico Madrid.
“I got quite a few lighters thrown at me - maybe it will stop them smoking, so take the positives from it.”
Liverpool’s Andy Robertson on the health benefits of Benfica chucking their lighters at him during last week’s Champions League game.