Old boys of the oche fall on slim times as Dutch rule

TV View: In many ways Andy "The Viking" Fordham and Bobby "Dazzler" George are only half the men they used to be, and for that you have to blame Celebrity Fit Club.

Between them they shed the combined weight of a well-nourished herd of African elephants when they took part in the series, and while this might have been a good thing health-wise, it's done nothing for their darts.

Granted, Bobby has been on the wane for a while, taking on a Steve Davis-like role with the BBC (ie, before he takes up his place in the studio he gets knocked out in the qualifying stage of the tournament they're covering), but it was only 2004 when Andy was King of the Oche, the last time he won the World Championships.

But these days, while the pair might be doing a whole lot less damage to weighing scales, they've been eclipsed by younger men, as we saw once again at the World Masters in Bridlington over the weekend.

They came, they saw and they got conquered, before we even had time to make ourselves comfy on our couch.

The only consolation was that his early exit meant Andy could spend more time with Jenny, the woman he got engaged to in 1980 and married in May 2000. Andy "No Rush" Fordham, they probably should have called him.

Jenny was with him in Bridlington (well, we hope that was her), one of the many fag-suckin', pint-slurpin' DWAGs on views. (For those of you who live far too sheltered a life, that'd be Darts Wives and Girlfriends).

Happily, you can see a bit more of Bobby and Andy on another channel this weather, captaining teams on Showbiz Darts on a digital channel (Challenge) we still haven't been able to locate, but we're not giving up.

Andy, Bobby, Keith "Cheggers" Chegwin, James "The Galloping Major" Hewitt, Vicki "The Vixen" Butler-Henderson and Holly "Hard to Beat" Willoughby? How much better can telly get?

But back at Bridlington, we had to make do without Bobby and Andy.

On Saturday, we tuned in for the clash of Robert Wagner and Michael van Gerwen.

Norway's Wagner, Ray Stubbs told us, was "the acrobatic part-time magician with a year-round tan".

Not only that, Wagner, who performed a hand-spring when he won a World Championship match a few years ago (if Andy had tried the same it would have measured 8.6 on the Richter scale), is a former bodybuilder, works as a technical analyst, has the nickname "Meat Eater" and emigrated to Norway over a decade ago.

Who said there are no characters in darts any more?

Wagner, whose biceps can only truly be appreciated if you have a widescreen telly, has a very large female following, but some of them seem quite apologetic about their origins.

"I can't help it - I'm Foreign (Norway)" read the banner held up by one of his admirers.

"Don't worry," said commentator Tony Green, "we welcome you here at Bridlington."

Sadly the Meat Eater was butchered by "Mighty Mike" van Gerwen, who is, at 17, sort of the Lionel Messi of darts, leaving the female contents of that Bridlington hall inconsolable.

Van Gerwen went on to meet Martin "Wolfie" Adams in yesterday's final, with Adams taking the stage to the strains of Duran Duran's Hungry Like The Wolf.

He had already beaten Steve Farmer, who had knocked out former world champion John "Boy" Walton, a case of: " 'night John Boy".

Wolfie huffed and puffed and blew Mighty Mike's house down in the opening sets, taking a 5-2 lead, but then the Dutch teenager rallied.

Green got very excited.

"It's a bit like Dickens in a way, int it, eh? Great Expectations," he gasped.

Green, incidentally, is the man who oft declares: "Kiss the chaffinch to reveal the truth!" And we thought Sid Waddell was tricky to decipher at times.

Any way, Mighty Mike gradually stripped Wolfie of his sheep's clothing, winning five sets in a row to become the youngest winner of a major darts event.

That the world champion, 21-year-old Jelle "Young Matador" Klaasen, is also Dutch didn't escape Stubbsie's notice.

"Why are the Dutch dominating darts," asked the king of alliteration.

"Well, they put a lot in to the yoof game, don't they," said Bobby, which left us wondering if there is an equivalent in the sport of the Ajax Academy, one that teaches budding Mighty Mikes and Young Matadors total darts?

Who knows, but whatever they're at in Holland they're peppering the bull's-eye.

Although, if you were Mighty Mike's Ma or Da you'd probably regret that he didn't concentrate on football.

His winner's cheque yesterday? £15,000.

Not to be sniffed at, unless you're a professional footballer.

Wolfie had to settle for £3,000, which is, incidentally, roughly what Andy and Bobby, managed to lose on Celebrity Fit Club.