Mary Hannigan/TV View: "We'll have our nappies on, and we'll want our mummies," said a trembling Bobby George, leaving BBC viewers in no doubt about just how much the Winmau World Masters in Bridlington means to the stars of darts.

So convincing and emotional was Bobby, in fact, it would have come as no surprise to learn that half the viewers (a big hello to Sadie and Ernie in Oldham) slipped on their Pampers before feasting on the darts fest served to us by the Beeb over the weekend.

Bobby, you'll remember, was the man who made darts sexy in the 1980s, emerging as the sport's Brad Pitt, even if the ring on his left thumb weighed more than the Hollywood cutie. Bobby was always a big lad, but these days you'd need a wide-screen telly just to accommodate his grin. A man of considerable substance, that's why we've always loved him.

There were better darts players than Bobby in his day - Eric Bristow, John Lowe, Jockey Wilson, Leighton Rees, for example - but none made you quiver quite like Bobby when he stepped up, in a highly sensual fashion, to the oche and managed to chuck his arrows at the board, despite his chucking arm being weighed down by stones and stones of gold-ish jewellery. No sports star jangled quite like Bobby.

He still chucks for a living, but younger chuckers have taken over, which is sad. Darts without a competitive Bobby is like a fried egg without chips - they can get by without each other, but it's just not the same. Separated they are palatable; together they rock.

So, Bobby was reduced to the role of expert analyst at the World Masters in Bridlington, the darts capital of England, with Ray "Stubbsie" Stubbs asking the questions. Unsurprisingly, Bobby didn't let us down. He never has.

"It's great to watch Ted Hankey when he's on song," said Stubbsie, after Ted defeated Gary "Greased Lightning" Anderson from Scotland.

"Well," said Bobby, "it's like reading a map - sometimes he wants the A40 but he goes up the A1, but when if he gets on the right road he takes some catchin'." "Absolutely," lied Stubbsie's face, while Bobby beamed, revealing a set of gnashers so nicotine-stained that Micheál Martin would probably ban them from entry at Ireland's ports, for fear they would pollute our atmosphere.

Ted, by the way, drives a car with www.tedhankey.com emblazoned across the windscreen, obscuring his view to such an extent that it's little wonder that he spends his life running into lamp-posts.

The big one, though, on Saturday was the clash of Andy "The Viking" Fordham and Martin "Wolfie" Adams.

"Are you reeeeeeeady?" asked the MC.

"Yeeeeessss," roared Sadie and Ernie.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, let's play daaaaaaaaaarts." But? The Viking v Wolfie was a massive anti-climax, with Wolfie failing miserably to find his form. Indeed, so dull and one-sided was the contest the commentator and his assistant were reduced to telling us who members of the audience reminded them of.

Camera focuses on a man with a yellow face and pointy hair.

"Reminds me of The Simpsons." "Bart?" "Yeah, Bart." "Bart. Yes." "Yep." "Where'd it all go wrong for Wolfie?" Stubbsie asked Bobby. "No scoring power, Andy really beat 'im up," said Bobby. And Andy, you should know, weighs in at around 20 stones - although in his youth he was big into track and field and was known as "the whippet".

"What's the way to beat the world champion?" Stubbsie asked Andy of his semi-final meeting with world champion Raymond "Barney" van Barneveld (he's Dutch, he plays Total Darts). "I can't really say on telly," Andy grinned, cagily. What did this mean? Did Andy intend sitting on Barney, thus squeezing the life out of his Grand Slam bid? Stubbsie didn't ask - too afraid, perhaps.

Gerry Kelly showed no fear when interviewing Eddie Irvine on UTV on Friday. Alluding to the fact Eddie has been an unemployed Formula One driver for the past year he asked if his lifestyle had changed. "Na," said Eddie, "just doing more of the same, but without my weekends getting interrupted."

Some folk don't cope well with retirement, Eddie isn't one of them. "How do you replace the buzz," asked Kelly. Eddie looked puzzled, then explained there was no buzz in the first place. It was, after all, Formula One he was involved in. "The best thing I ever did was getting into Formula One - the second best thing was getting out."

If only Bobby George felt so at ease with his sporting decline. Bobby and Eddie still jangle, but not quite as loudly.