Wherever he was, Micheál Martin’s ears must have been burning.
It was 2pm on a Tuesday afternoon and he should have been in the Dáil for Leaders’ Questions. But he wasn’t there.
Mary Lou McDonald and Ivana Bacik were extremely disappointed when they entered the chamber and saw Darragh O’Brien in the spot where the Taoiseach should have been.
The leader of Sinn Féin and the leader of the Labour Party soon made it clear they had been expecting to see the organ grinder, not another one of his ministerial monkeys.
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It’s happening all the time now.
Just as well Darragh doesn’t have any self-esteem issues. Those of a more fragile disposition might have been crushed by such a tepid reception.
The Minister for Transport told the House he was just back from “The Kop”. We didn’t know he was a Liverpool fan.
Apparently Micheál was there with him too, which sounds like a nice bonding session for the lads.
Apologies. Darragh and Micheál attended the Cop30 conference, which was not held in Anfield but in Brazil.
Darragh got back to Ireland a few days ago but Micheál was missing in action on Tuesday. It might have been do with the malaria tablets he may have been on for his trip to South and East Africa, which might have triggered confusion.
Because nobody seemed to know where he was.
Independent Ireland’s Ken O’Flynn was particularly interested in this line of inquiry, noting during Questions on Policy that the Taoiseach has travelled abroad on 20 occasions in the last 10 months.
“Have Government Ministers, on any of their events that they’ve gone across the country for, or out of the country for, been in receipt of Lariam at any stage or was there a different drug prescribed for the Government Ministers?”
“This is a joke,” groaned understudy Darragh.
Ken posed this unusual question after asking when the Government first become aware that the anti-malaria drug Lariam was associated with adverse side effects and if the drug was issued to all ranks in the Defence Forces.
“I suppose each Minister travels – and again, a head of government has to attend international events. In relation to what medication different Ministers used – I’ve no idea. That’s a matter for those particular Ministers,” replied Darragh, a bit fed up with all this talk about the missing Micheál by people who clearly didn’t see him as much of a draw.
Not only that, but he got a bouncy Brazilian blow-dry for his big moment taking Leaders’ Questions, so his hair looked lovely. Not that anyone cared.
When she saw him in the prime spot at the start of business, the first words out of Mary Lou McDonald’s mouth were: “Cá bhfuil An Taoiseach?”
Where was he? The Sinn Féin leader said she “understood” that Micheál Martin was back in the country. “He should be here, taking questions.”
The Labour leader was also missing him.
“Tá An Taoiseach as láthair, it seems,” said Ivana Bacik to his latest stand-in, before softening the blow with a little sarcasm.
It’s Leaders’ Questions, not Aspiring Leaders’ Questions
— Sinn Féin’s Conor D McGuinness
“Nice surprise to see you today,” she added in the welcoming tones of someone opening the back door to find the cat has left a surprise on the doorstep.
The Minister for Transport had to defend his leader against these insinuations that he was off on some sort of a frolic when he should be doing his job at home in the national parliament.
“He’s on Government business. He was at the G20 Summit.”
But that was a few days ago and word was that the Taoiseach would be home by late morning in time to take Leaders’ Questions as normal.
Ivana protested that the Opposition wasn’t notified that he would be absent.
“Sorry, excuse me for a second,” insisted Darragh. “Should he not go to that as head of the Irish Government? Should he not go [on] to the EU-African Union Summit?”
That was neither here nor there now.
“Is he in Dublin?” asked Sinn Féin’s Louise O’Reilly.
“Where is he now?” demanded her colleague, Pádraig Mac Lochlainn.
Darragh turned the tables and focused on their leader, Mary Lou. If Micheál was in Africa, where had she been?
“I know you’re just back from New York as well, right? But he was actually on Government business while your party are fundraising over there, filling the Sinn Féin bag full of cash.”
Deputy McDonald shook her head and laughed.
“But I’m here!”
Through the roaring and shouting, Ivana complained that all the Opposition wants is some “notification” on whether or not the Taoiseach will be in attendance.
Or, presumably, whether or not he will be lumbering them with Darragh O’Brien or any other mere Minister. In which case they could send in a couple of minions as substitutes.
Sinn Féin’s Conor D McGuinness joined the chorus of protest.
“It’s Leaders’ Questions, not Aspiring Leaders’ Questions.”
Nobody is saying that a taoiseach can’t travel abroad on State business, explained the Labour leader. “But we had understood he would be here today and it is a common courtesy that we would be notified in advance of Leaders’ Questions when he is not taking them.”
They were taking this turn of events very hard. Quite gratifying for him, in a way.
Later, Mary Lou couldn’t resist returning to the mystery of the missing Micheál after the House voted to accept the Order of Business for the week and Questions on Policy came around.
“Ceann Comhairle, the Minister might clarify the precise location of the Taoiseach, when he gets to his feet,” she began.
Darragh thanked her again for her concern and repeated it is not in the least bit unusual for a head of Government to attend international events abroad.
By now, even we were beginning to worry.
Was Micheál lost? Was it something to do with Ken’s malaria tablets? What could it be, because the Opposition seemed united in its view that the Taoiseach had gone AWOL.
Finally, some clarity from his stand-in.
“He’s travelling back as we speak.”
“He’s still away now?” gasped Mary Lou.
At least he had been found.
It was around 3pm at this stage. Micheál was actually home and travelling back from the airport to Government Buildings.
But he couldn’t make it into the chamber for even a brief appearance because he had to head straight into his office for a conference call with the coalition of the willing (the group of 33 countries that have pledged support for Ukraine), which went on until 5pm.
Still. At least the Taoiseach is back and they all can tell him on Wednesday how much they missed him.
