So the Dáil is up for the summer.
It was an uneventful first half. Just the resignation of a taoiseach, the coronation of a new one, a couple of elections, some opinion poll shocks and obsessive speculation about an impending general election to keep us going.
Here are a few gongs.
Stand-out Anniversary award
There was one hell of a hooley in Kerry back in February when the Healy-Rae dynasty celebrated 50 years in politics. Danny, Michael, Johnny, Maura and Jackie jnr invited the entire Kingdom to a Friday night dance in the ballroom of the Gleneagle Hotel in Killarney. “Free admission.”
Miriam Lord: A fitting farewell to Dickie Rock as ‘king of Cabra’ gets full house for his final gig
Gift-wrapped Simon Harris switches on Dáil Christmas tree lights in glow of peace and harmony
Joy is a word Conor McGregor returns to again and again. Nikita Hand paints a much darker picture
Mischievous Micheál cheekily grabs the GE24 champagne bottle from under Simon’s nose
Speaking of dynasties, Cathal Haughey, grandson of former taoiseach Charles Haughey, was elected to Fingal County Council in Howth-Malahide area. His uncle Seán announced in February that he was retiring from politics after nearly 40 years as an elected representative.
Ambush by Cake award
Another anniversary – just a few days ago. Paschal Donohoe and Heather Humphreys were ambushed by the Taoiseach on Wednesday and presented with a big cake to mark the 10th anniversary of them becoming Government Ministers.
Simon Harris (has there ever been anyone so openly happy about being Taoiseach?) gave Heather a bouquet of flowers and a card, and Paschal a book token and a card. They pretended to be mortified.
Best Dáil Row award
This will come as no surprise to “the people watching at home” who are regularly addressed by the Taoiseach from the chamber, but proceedings in Dáil Éireann can be deathly dull. A good row livens things up.
Unfortunately, Simon Harris is almost militantly civil in his dealings with Opposition TDs, which leads to fewer rows. Although, if he keeps rolling out clunkers like “Mary-Lousplaining”, there may be an angry backlash.
The row between Minister of State Seán Fleming and members of People Before Profit was noisily entertaining, not least because Michael Ring was in the chair and trying valiantly to keep order on himself while belting lumps out of the chamber’s ciúnas bell.
Seán referred to them as “Putin’s puppets” and Paul Murphy, Richard Boyd-Barrett and Bríd Smith lost it. The Ringer abandoned his bell and suspended the House.
Comeback Kid award
Former minister of State and TD for Longford-Westmeath Kevin “Boxer” Moran made a triumphant return to local politics and Westmeath County Council in the local elections, topping the poll with one of the biggest votes in the country.
Thrilled to be back after four years in the wilderness, Boxer can’t wait to get back to work on the important issues of the day. Will he run again for the Dáil?
“You’ll certainly be seeing my name on the ballot paper,” he said after his election in June.
Waste of Time award
A nailed-on winner at this stage, our Waste of Time award goes to Dáil Éireann’s annual snorefest which is the hours set aside to hear Statements on International Women’s Day. This year, Minister for Everything Roderic O’Gorman read the opening speech to an empty house.
A small number of breathless female TDs rushed in with their speeches and then, for what seemed like a month but was probably only half the day, deputies rambled in with their supplied scripts, said serious things about women and nice things about their mammies and wandered out.
Groundbreaking.
Naff Decision of the Season award
It probably seemed like a great idea at the time: “Hey guys, let’s hold the referendums on replacing that bit in the Constitution about a woman’s place in the home with aspirational stuff about carers and the headwrecking one about defining families on International Women’s Day.
“We won’t have to explain anything properly or go out campaigning or anything. The women will love it. It’ll make us look so good.”
That went well.
Speech of the Season award
The speeches on the day of the State apology to the families of the Stardust victims were powerful, heartfelt and long overdue, but the one from Sinn Féin’s Thomas Gould on the day Ireland recognised the State of Palestine sticks in the mind.
The TD for Cork North Central fought back tears as he described in graphic detail the slaughter of the children in Gaza on the orders of Binyamin Netanyahu and his government.
“The world stands by while 15,000 children are being slaughtered. It’s unbelievable, the genocide that’s happening – and they say it’s a mistake!”
Shaking with fury, he cried: “I hope Binyamin Netanyahu burns in hell the same way that them children and their families burned.”
Afterwards, while not doubting deputy Gould’s passion and sincerity, some Government members were wondering when his party might think about similar retribution for the callous IRA murderers whose bombs killed and maimed so many children here and across the water.
Modesty Forbids award
Former Fine Gael minister Michael Ring is still playing games by refusing to say whether he will stand in the next election. Most people think he won’t but he’s enjoying milking the moment.
When the new Taoiseach was appointing new Ministers of State, the Ringer humbly announced that Simon Harris offered him the choice of two jobs, both of which he turned down because they weren’t important enough for him.
He said he suggested to the Taoiseach to consider giving one of them to his fellow Mayo man, Alan Dillon. Which was big of him. Former Mayo footballer Dillon is well able to look after himself.
Survivor of the Year award
Minister for Justice Helen McEntee looked to be on shaky ground at the start of the year as Opposition politicians focused on the aftermath of the November riots in Dublin and her repeated assurances that crime was not an issue in the capital, despite alarming evidence to the contrary.
Sinn Féin’s harsh criticism of her performance allied to Mary Lou McDonald’s call for the resignation of the Garda Commissioner saw the Government circle its wagons in defence of McEntee.
When Simon Harris picked his first Cabinet, Helen’s place at the table was rumoured to be in danger. But she’s still standing and still in Justice.
Obviously, Tánaiste and Fianna Fáil leader Micheál Martin is also in the frame. He’s been in charge since the great meltdown of 2011 and now people are mentioning him as a possible contender for the Arás. If the big bomb ever goes any time soon, the only survivors will be the cockroaches and Micheál.
Image of the Political Season award
There were crowds outside the gates of Leinster House on Merrion Street in May, jostling to take photographs of the Palestinian flag flying in front of the Irish parliament building along with the EU flag and the tricolour.
A less edifying image was of those people mooning across the Atlantic Ocean through the Dublin to New York video link portal on North Earl Street.
Local TD and Minister for Public Expenditure Paschal Donohoe flew to the defence of the north inner city. “I don’t accept the premise that everybody who was involved in that behaviour came from the north inner city.
“That is an assumption that I don’t accept. I was delighted to see the portal located off the main street of our capital city. I feel that the very small number of people who have been involved in inappropriate behaviour have let us all down.”
Comedian Jason Byrne agreed with Paschal. According to the Irish Daily Mirror, he remarked that this bad behaviour could have happened “in Grafton Street, Dame Street or Temple Bar… The Irish are messers, that’s our job in the world... you could have put it in the Dáil and they would have been flashing their mickeys.”
Celebrity Island winners
All conquering jockey Nina Carberry, former Rose of Tralee Maria Walsh, former RTÉ broadcaster and Eurovision presenter Cynthia Ní Mhurchú and former RTÉ correspondent Ciaran Mullooly all landed seats in Europe while “shock-jock” 98FM broadcaster Niall Boylan narrowly failed to take a seat in Dublin.
Also dancing off to Europe are Fianna Fáil’s twinkle-toed troupe, The Billy Barrys. Barry Andrews (Dublin) and Billy Kelleher (Ireland South) retained their seats and Barry Cowen (Midlands North-West) will be joining them.
Pot Calling Kettle Black award
Mary Lou McDonald accusing Simon Harris of playing to the gallery. Ah, here.
Hissy Fit award
Senator Niall Blaney for throwing a monumental strop in front of his party leader, Micheál Martin, during a European election media event because he felt he wasn’t getting as much attention from headquarters as the other candidates.
He should be used to it. The Senator from Donegal rarely gets any attention in the Seanad either, but that’s because he never says very much.
Winner of the Political Season
Not Simon Harris, because he’s winning everything. Thirty-seven and Taoiseach. Thirty-eight in October. A birthday election would be nice.
Maybe Tánaiste Micheál Martin, who has cemented his grip over the leadership of his party by appointing Jack Chambers of Commerce as his deputy leader and Minister for Finance and who continues to perform well in the leadership popularity roles.
Young Jack (younger than Simon) certainly was a winner.
But the award goes to veteran political sage and former tánaiste, Senator Michael McDowell, whose strong intervention in the referendum campaigns on the family and care is widely seen as one of the main reasons voters turned against the Government and its watery campaign.
In the heady aftermath of victory, Senior Counsel McDowell clutched his copy of the Constitution and smilingly demurred when asked if he intended running again for the Dáil, setting up a new political party or taking a tilt at the presidency.
Loser of the Political Term
Sinn Féin is having a difficult time of it as its once buoyant support figures slumped dramatically as the months went by. A much poorer than expected showing in the local elections fuelled fears that the dream of a Sinn Féin-led government is dying on its feet and the jeering of party stalwarts on the election trail by former loyal supporters was a culture shock.
But the party did badly in the locals last time out too, only to roar back spectacularly in the general election. Can they do it again?
Senator of the Season
It has to be David Norris, who retired from the Seanad as Father of the House after 36 years of sterling work. His portrait now hangs in Leinster House and, as he approaches his 80th birthday, he is as interested, opinionated and mischievous as ever.
Honourable mention to Lynn Boylan (off to Europe) for her work on dog welfare, Róisín Garvey for her no-nonsense approach to rural detractors of the Green Party, and Malcolm Byrne for being everywhere, interested in everything and taking on the thankless task of flying the flag for the referendum on a Unified Patent Court (no idea either).
Exit Package of the Season
This would have gone jointly to RTÉ’s executive crew who bailed out after the Tubsgate debacle with very handsome pay-offs. There were gasps at the media committee when RTÉ boss Kevin Bakhurst revealed that the organisation’s former chief financial officer departed with a €450,000 golden handshake.
But God only knows what the final bill is going to be for all the TDs and Senators bowing out of national politics at the next election.
Bakhurst, by the way, can never escape the RTÉ payments scandal. Recently, at a Lyric FM evening in the Bord Gáis Energy Theatre, MC Marty Whelan told the audience that the DG was in the house.
And he kept showing off all these lovely things listeners had crafted for his new granddaughter – a pink knitted hat with a moustache, beautiful crochet and patchwork blankets and cuddly toys.
Marty kept stressing that these gifts had “no intrinsic value”.
Exit of the Season and Shock of the Season
Leo Varadkar returning from the St Patrick’s Week festivities in Washington and announcing, to universal surprise in Leinster House, that he was stepping down as Taoiseach.
White House, please copy.
As astonished TDs, Senators and party staff struggled to process the news, team Simon Harris clicked immediately into gear and wrapped up the vacant leadership position within 28 hours.
Leo had nothing left in the tank. Simon is bursting with energy.
The former taoiseach looks like a new man – relaxed and enjoying life. His decision to move on has proved a winner for the party too, with a definite “Harris Hop” putting a new pep in the step of its formerly flagging parliamentary party.
Leo says he will contest the next election. Will he? Really?
Don’t Mention the War award
Sinn Féin take the gong for suddenly forgetting to call for an immediate general election at every opportunity. It might be something to do with the party’s alarming slide in the opinion polls and less than heartening results in the local elections.
Best TV Moment of the Season award
Minister for Media Catherine Martin starred in a riveting episode of Prime Time when she rocked up to the studio in Donnybrook one night in March and, surprising everyone – apparently even herself – more or less sacked the chair of the RTÉ board live on air.
Best Named Bill award
Michael McGrath’s Access to Cash Bill, introduced to ensure that the number of ATMs around the country stays at pre-pandemic levels. Banks will have to provide a set amount of machines per 100,000 people and also make sure nobody is more than 10km from one.
When he was confirmed as Ireland’s next EU Commissioner, Michael’s personal access to cash improved considerably. With pay and perks, he’ll be taking home double the amount he earned here as minister for finance.
Best Hair award
Sure they all have lovely hair – Niamh Smyth’s golden tresses, Dessie Ellis’s tache, Norma Foley’s signature fringe, Michael Healy-Rae’s cap… But a new entry in March blew everyone out of the water when Siún Ní Raghallaigh’s replacement as chair of the RTÉ board was announced.
When former KPMG managing partner and current chair of the ESB, Terence O’Rourke, took over in a blaze of publicity, his exuberant mane of Ibec hair got almost as much attention as his installation in the Montrose hot seat.
Word We Didn’t Think We Needed to Know award
Throuple. This description of a three-way relationship burst into the referendum confusion when Roderic O’Gorman introduced it into the Dáil debate on the doomed vote. This caused further confusion because Clare TD Michael McNamara, who had been banging on about polygamy at the time, thought Roderic was talking about truffles.
McNamara’s successful opposition to the two referendums – along with his questioning of the Minister for Justice’s understanding of migration policy at an Oireachtas committee – elevated his public profile just in time for the European elections and he’s off to Brussels now.
Most surprising nugget of political trivia: This came courtesy of the Speaker of the Malaysian parliament, the Hon Tan Sri Dato’ Dr Johari bin Abdul, who visited the Dáil in April.
“Maybe I can tell you a little secret,” said the Ceann Comhairle to TDs. “In the course of a lunch with the honourable speaker, he told me that you, Deputy Boyd Barrett, have become quite a hit with the public in Malaysia and some of your speeches here have been relayed widely throughout the country.
“So, if the people of Dún Laoghaire are no longer interested in your services, it’s quite likely there could be a seat for you somewhere in Malaysia.”
And the delighted Speaker pointed in recognition at RBB and gave him a big thumbs-up.
The deputy for Dún Laoghaire didn’t elaborate but it’s a safe bet that his speeches on Palestine are the reason he’s so big in Kuala Lumpur.
Politician of the Year Award
Simon Harris – new style, fresh energy and an air of decisiveness about him. He’s personally chairing numerous Cabinet committees in an attempt to overcome the silo mentality of different government departments by bringing them together to reach consensus.
Can he keep this frenetic pace until the general election, which he insists will be held next year? Can he continue plying people with cake?
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