Professor Donal O’Shea’s children had to grow in a house with no treats – or so his children’s friends mistakenly believed. “Some of the kids in school would bring in treats to give to my girls saying ‘I know you’re not getting it at home”.
“The biggest challenge is managing parenting and home”, he says of his life as a father of three daughters and consultant endocrinologist and HSE clinical lead for obesity. “My kids will say that I didn’t [manage it]”, adding that he’s “guilted” about this frequently by his children.
“We were gone at 8 in the morning but one of us was always home at 5 or 5.30 in the evening and we didn’t deviate from that.”
He’s enjoying this stage of fatherhood, after the more challenging teen years. “We get on really well now. There was that difficult period from 11 to 19 where they didn’t know who they were. We weren’t sure we liked them all the time. They certainly didn’t like us a lot of the time”.
So, did being an expert on hormones help with things like having ‘the talk’ about periods and sex with his daughters? Not quite, but O’Shea offers insightful and expert advice for parents in the thick of it, whose children are going through adolescence and the teenage years in all their hormonal glory and chaos.
The hormonal advice he offers isn’t just for teenagers, though. “All women who are perimenopausal should be having a chat with their GP about whether they should start HRT,” O’Shea tells me on the podcast.
“And as a parent, I’ll be advising my three girls - if I’m around when they’re post menopausal - that they need to be going on HRT.”
1 in 5 children are living with overweight or obesity, O’Shea says. “We do know that parents do not recognise obesity or overweight in their children, and by the time they think ‘maybe it’s a problem’, it’s actually a significant problem”. How can parents manage concerns about their children’s weight without making them self-conscious or overly body conscious? O’Shea offers his advice.
He also offers advice to parents on managing ‘pester power’, discusses whether fussy eating is really as big an issue as we fear, and explains when having a restricted diet actually becomes problematic.
O’Shea also explains his significant concerns about the problems that smartphones are causing for our children and teenagers. But cautions about picking your battles.
For parents of children who are questioning their gender identity, knowing where to turn for advice to best support their children can be hard. The adjustment for parents themselves, who were not anticipating this, can be difficult also. O’Shea is a doctor at the national gender service. He discusses how children of different ages gender question and offers advice to parents based on his extensive experience in this area.
“For a parent whose child comes along and says ‘I’m your daughter but want to be your son’ or ‘I’m your son but I want to be your daughter’ that parent is going to need support. That parent is going to grieve the loss of their son, before they welcome the arrival of their daughter”. O’Shea says. He discusses the importance of space and support.
O’Shea also discusses how his work has impacted his parenting, explains how he answers questions on having a favourite child, and takes on our rapid fire round with some questionable results.
You can listen to this episode of Conversations with Parents on the link above or wherever you get your podcasts.
If you’d like to get in touch with your thoughts, feedback or suggestions you can email us at parentspod@irishtimes.com.
