They're at it again and there'll be no way of stopping them for the next three weeks. So just how can you avoid the election and the politicians? Roisin Ingle and Robert O'Byrne have a few suggestions
1. Leave the Country.
It may seem an extreme step but it pretty much guarantees escape from all baby-kissing politicians on the lookout for photo-opportunities. The plunging value of the peso makes Argentina a particularly attractive option at the moment (and the weather's not bad either).
2. Join the Workers Party.
No further explanation necessary. If you have to ask, move immediately to option 3.
3. Get thee to a nunnery.
Join an enclosed religious order; their numbers have fallen drastically in recent year, they will be thrilled to welcome a new (albeit temporary) vocation and they are not allowed to listen to any news. Plus, some of those habits can look awfully fetching.
4. Discover your inner child.
Ingratiate yourself with a group of teenagers. As is well-known, they are completely apathetic, have absolutely no interest in politics and spend all their time text-messaging each other. The lxn will never b mentioned. Gr8! (Hey. If you're going to ingratiate yourself you better get with the lingo...) And don't mention Westlife as Bertie Ahern's daughter is still dating the band's Nicky Byrne. Do brush up on Britney Spears and the Staines Massive. Booyakasha!
5. Make some money.
Set up the political equivalent of a swearbox in your house and every time anyone mentions the E word, a forfeit of five euro will be payable instantly. You have three weeks (yes it really is going to last that long) to make your fortune.
When the kitty's full, consider our first option and please, send us a postcard from Buenos Aires.
6. Be on the ball.
Immerse yourself in Ireland's preparations for the World Cup. Who cares what Bertie, Ruairi, Michael or Mary are up to - we're MUCH more concerned about the state of Roy Keane's hamstring and who's eventually going to be picked by Mick McCarthy (Fancy your chances Ulrika?)
7. Music to your ears?
Stop being so parochial and adopt a more pan-European outlook. Who cares what happens on this little island, when in a few weeks time, the Eurovision Song Contest is scheduled to take place in Estonia.
Even though Ireland isn't even taking part this year, the competition's outcome is still going to have far more lasting consequences for all of us - fashion wise anyway.
8. Run away.
Get in training for the women's mini marathon in Dublin on June 3rd (this one may pose a bit of a problem for men, unless of course, they are planning to run in a frock).
Put on a pair of earphones and start pounding the pavements. Just don't look up at all those posters... on the other hand, don't look at your feet and run into a pole.
9. Head south.
Book a three-week holiday immediately in Fermoy, Co Cork. Apparently, the town's sensible citizens have banned all election posters. According to a very informative local website "the town is famous for attracting future professionals and scholars who spend their formative years in Fermoy" but obviously politicians are less welcome.
10. Be Nice As Pie.
As Bertie Ahern can testify, the one thing guaranteed to drive away all politicians is a custard confectionary. Check with Delia, Nigella or our very own Darina on how to make your pie filling especially runny.
And if none of the above don't preserve your sanity, you could:
Read only Hello!, VIP, and Stars on Sunday.
Go visit the unmissable Antique Tools Auction (we kid you not) in Rochester, New York (if you haven't got a better excuse to go to NY, that one will do). It's on the same day as polling.
Go to Northern Ireland. No, listen a minute. Destiny's Child are on that night at the city's spanking new Odyssey Arena. Hell. It's Destiny's Child! Go anyway.