Some fine excuses do not atone for one holy show

THERE was a bizarre twist this week in the continuing revelations about the circumstances in which the Redeemer of All Mankind…

THERE was a bizarre twist this week in the continuing revelations about the circumstances in which the Redeemer of All Mankind came to be born in a stable when His parents were turned away from one of the country's leading hotels. Following an investigation by a Dail committee, it was revealed that the owner of the hotel was not, as some scribes had reported, a leading member of Fianna Fail, but his son, a Fine Gael member.

The confusion arose as a result of both men being called "Mr Keeper". It had been widely rumoured that the owner of the premises from which the Virgin Mary and her husband Joseph were turned away was Mr Neanderthal Keeper, a member of the King Herod Cumann, but it emerged in the course of the committee's investigation that the hotel was the property of his son, Mr Noel "Nicey" Keeper, who left Fianna Fail in 1985 to join the Progressive Democrats and later transferred his allegiance to Fine Gael.

Opening the Dail debate in the wake of this new set of revelations, the Taoiseach said that Mr Keeper should be given time to investigate the matter before making any public statement. The media had a responsibility to behave with dignity and responsibility, and should not be allowed to convict Mr Keeper on the basis of rumour, denunciation and hearsay.

The Fianna Fail leader said that the Taoiseach's attitude contrasted sharply with his remarks of last week, when he had stated that the exclusion of the family from the hotel was "one of the greatest scandals of our time, a blight on our democracy and a putrid running sore on the upper lip of our society.

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He asked the Taoiseach to state categorically whether he no longer believed that the culprit in this affair should be scourged, stoned and crucified, and if not why not? He called on the Taoiseach to apologise to the family in question and to "the entire multitudes of humanity, past, present and to come" for having misled the Dail on the matter of when he became aware of the imminent arrival of the pregnant mother and her husband. (The Taoiseach had claimed that there had been no advance notice of the arrival of the Virgin, and that the hotel had been block booked by a leading businessman for a golfing weekend coinciding with the winter solstice.)

THE Fianna Fail leader alleged that the imminent arrival of the Messiah had been heralded for some time. "It is nines," he said, "since the Angel of the Lord appeared unto Mary, who then conceived of the Holy Ghost. This was more than enough time to put in place the necessary arrangements".

The Taoiseach responded that, while acknowledging mistakes had been made, it should be remembered that this was a totally unprecedented situation. "The Coming of the Redeemer is not something that happens every day," he said. The manner in which the authorities in Heaven chose to release this information was most unorthodox, he added. For what could only be construed as security reasons, the Almighty, instead of calling a papyrus conference to announce the conception to the media had chosen to send his programme manager, Mr Gabriel, to directly convey to the Blessed Virgin that she was to be mother to the Son of God. It was easy to be wise after the event, said the Taoiseach, but at the time it all seemed most implausible.

It was at this stage that details of the alleged replica case the "Baptist" case began to emerge. The Fianna Fail leader said that, contrary to the Taoiseach's statement, there had been a case, just six months before the visitation to the Blessed Virgin, in which this Gabriel fellow had appeared to Zachary in the temple and said to him, "Fear not Zachary, for thy prayer is heard". He had gone on to tell him, in categorical terms, chat his wife Elizabeth would soon bear him a son, whom they would call John. This case, the FF leader said, was virtually identical to the subsequent announcement of the coming of the Messiah, and should have provided the government with ample warning.

The Tanaiste responded that the Baptist case related merely to the coming of a doctor and prophet whose function was to go before the Lord in the spirit of Elias to prepare unto Him a perfect people. This was quite different to the advent of the Messiah per se. There was "a world of difference", he said, between a precursor and a Messiah. In any case, he said, the nature of the announcement to Zachary was highly ambiguous, and it was by no means clear that the Archangel's exhortation to "Fear not, Zachary, for they prayer is heard", was a specific reference to the couple's desire for a child, especially in the light of their advancing years. The Archangel's statement could have been construed as a reference to the daily supplications of Zachary on behalf of the people, in the routine matter of obtaining pardon for their sins.

The Tanaiste also stated that the fact that the birth occurred on June 24th, coinciding with the beginning of the summer recess, caused the significance of the incident to be overlooked. Moreover, it should be remembered that, as a result of apparently doubting the Archangel's word, Zachary had been struck dumb for the duration of his wife's pregnancy, and had been unable to say what had occurred.

The FF leader said even a cursory knowledge of Scripture would have enabled the government to know that this John the Baptist was the one sent to prepare the way of the Lord, as predicted by several prophets. He read an extract from Gabriel's statement to Zachary, which he said made this quite clear. "For he shalt be great before the Lord and shall drink no wine nor strong drink and he shall be filled with the Holy Ghost even from his mother's womb. And he shall convert many of the children of Israel to the Lord their God. And he shall go before Him in the spirit and power of Elias." AT backbencher quipped that this Baptist fellow sounded like an ideal PD candidate. At this point the Ceann Comhairle intervened to warn deputies against casting aspersions on individuals outside the House.

THANKING the Ceann Comhairle, the PD leader said the people had a right to be told what further steps the government was taking, "apart from closing the stable door". The Taoiseach then revealed that he and the other coalition leaders had already been to the stable in an attempt to set things to rights. They had brought with them gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh, and these had been accepted by the parents of the Redeemer.

A Fianna Fail backbencher said that this was "a typical act of cynicism by the three cute hoors on the government benches". The PD leader, however, said that the public would be much more interested to know something of the origins of these gifts. The Taoiseach responded angrily that these gifts had come into their possession as a result of legitimate political solicitations. "They have been fully declared to the Revenue Commission he said. The debate continues.