Newton's Optic: As delays and counter-delays stall meetings and pledges of office up North, Newton Emerson offers a timetable
October 17th: First meeting of the Shadow Preparation for Preliminary Discussion on Experimental Government Committee. Then tea and biscuits.
October 29th: Ian Paisley phones Pope Benedict XVI to explain why he still hasn't talked to Gerry Adams.
November 5th: Mitchel McLaughlin signals Sinn Féin's first move on policing by dialling 999 to report a stolen lawnmower.
November 11th: Republicans begin unionist outreach by taking part in Remembrance Day. Martin McGuinness lays a wreath at the tomb of the Unknown Informer.
November 18th: Ian Paisley climbs Croagh Patrick on his knees rather than talk to Gerry Adams.
November 21st: Police Service of Northern Ireland recovers Mitchel McLaughlin's lawnmower.
November 24th: Ian Paisley and Gerry Adams board a British Airways jet and fly west across the international date line to extend the devolution deadline by an extra day. Historic first words exchanged. Suggested text: "You can have my orange juice if I can have the window seat."
November 25th: Assembly reconvened. Ian Paisley and Martin McGuinness appointed First and Deputy First Ministers. Members observe a minute's silence for all the victims of the troubles, especially everyone who slept with Kevin Myers.
December 1st: Gerry Adams says: "Northern Ireland".
December 12th: Sinn Féin's ardchomhairle calls an ardfheis of ard men to formally endorse the PSNI. Ardliners claim there is still grass in Mitchel McLaughlin's lawnmower. Martin McGuinness swears an oath.
December 19th: Ian Paisley declared clinically alive.
January 2nd: Independent Monitoring Commission confirms the complete disbandment of its independence.
January 3rd: Argument begins over whether the forthcoming vote on the preceding agreement should be an election or a referendum on one or both sides of the Border or an election and a referendum on one or both sides of the Border. Worker's Party folds after suffering more splits than members.
January 5th: IRA robs a post office, just to see what happens.
January 12th: Irish Language Act passed. Republicans required by law to act as if they speak the Irish language.
January 26th: All loyalist organisations disarm and transform themselves into peaceful community associations pledged to combating crime, racism and sectarianism. Also, all dreary steeples coated in titanium.
February: Completely blank month for no apparent reason.
March 1st: Election or referendum on one or both sides of the Border, or election and referendum on one or both sides of the Border. Ian Paisley lays a wreath at the tomb of the Ulster Unionist Party.
March 2nd: Full Assembly meets. Executive appointed. D'Hondt mechanism explained on BBC News 24 by a panel of guests that must include at least one Muslim.
March 3rd: Argument begins over devolution of policing and justice powers by May 2008. Ian Paisley threatens to give Gerry Adams a good talking to. Martin McGuinness threatens to have Ian Paisley arrested.
April 1st: Assembly completes its first month of business. Peace officially declared. Two little boys from either side of the sectarian divide meet by chance on a beach and swap their kite and football while British officials film them secretly from the sand dunes. Eventually, both children's fathers arrive and warn them about British officials, kite-flying and balls.