Everyone up in arms in the Irish Federal Republic after failing to ratify treaty

NEWTON'S OPTIC:IRELAND CANNOT participate in our operations because it did not ratify the Lisbon Treaty back in 2008," said Euro-General Francois Allemande.

Ireland, subsequently known as the Irish Commonwealth Confederacy and the Irish Federal Republic, also failed to ratify the Lisbon Treaty, subsequently known as the Naples Treaty and the Finglas Treaty, in 2011, 2014 and 2020.

In Athlone, the federal government is facing calls from a new coalition of pressure groups to take urgent unilateral action.

Join The War was launched yesterday with speeches from Sinn Féin, New Sinn Féin, Continuity Sinn Féin, Éirígí, Siptu, the Socialist Party, the Socialist Worker Party, the Socialist Worker Party half of the Labour Party, Youth Attack, a virtual reality simulation of Patricia McKenna and the influential right-wing think tank Four Blokes With a Website.

Local councillor and former MEP Mary Lou McDonald stressed that Sinn Féin only supports an incursion into Britain for humanitarian purposes.

"We'll just go in, lay a few landmines and maybe drop some cluster bombs. But only if we really have to," she told the cheering crowd.

Four Blokes With a Website immediately offered to source landmines and cluster bombs at competitive prices, although Siptu said it would prefer to see support for a home-grown arms industry.

Middle-aged republican group Éirígí urged people to "spread the spirit of Connolly" by destroying London's Post Office Tower, while Joe Higgins promised to personally lead a Turkish battalion.

Activists also volunteered to repair any military aircraft landing at Shannon, although this was dismissed by Euro-General Allemande. "Why would an aircraft land at Shannon?" he asked. "It does not have an airport."

Many other protest groups have already expressed support for the Join the War campaign.

"The Scots are fellow Celts and we should vigorously protect them from the Anglo-Saxon hordes," said the Anti-Racist Network.

"A ground offensive could easily pay for itself through a sustained onslaught of murderous looting," said the People Before Profit Alliance.

"Let's go kick us some Brit ass," said the Peace and Neutrality Alliance.

Only the Irish Anti-War Movement has expressed reservations, primarily because of its name. The organisation says it may get around the problem by either choosing a new name, setting up a committee to redefine "war" or just admitting that it is another front for the Socialist Worker Party.

Join the War members insist that there is no contradiction whatsoever between their current objectives and their long-stated opposition to militarism, imperialism, colonialism, capitalism, neo-liberalism and military adventurism.

"All that stuff was always about sticking it to the Brits and everyone always knew it," said one. "I can't believe the French are keeping us out of this. No wonder we didn't trust their damn treaty."

The violent break-up of the former UK has been a testing time for the Irish Federal Republic. Most observers have praised the leadership shown throughout the crisis by President Peter Robinson. However, Join the War feels that the president is guilty of hypocrisy. "When he was in the UK he got to invade us," said a source. "It wasn't much of an invasion, right enough. But it's the principle of the thing."