Added value of privilege days for making tax returns

Pitching to revenue following a recent ruling from Emerson’s arbitration board

DEAR REVENUE Commissioners,

Please find enclosed my annual self-assessment form. You will note that for reasons of historical privilege I do not pay tax on May 24th (Empire Day) and the first Saturday in June (the Queen’s official birthday) and I have adjusted my return accordingly.

Yours &c.

Dear Mr Emerson,

The Office of the Revenue Commissioners is committed to respecting your unionist heritage. However, you are still liable for tax throughout the year by law. To avoid further action, please forward your outstanding balance of €46 before the October deadline.

Yours &c.

Dear Revenue Commissioners,

I am aware of the law but I am surprised you are not aware of the recent ruling from the Emerson Arbitration Board, comprising myself and the learned counsel of my wife. This found that our sense of grievance at paying you €46 would be disproportion to the gains of you receiving €46. I am really not sure how much clearer this can be.

Yours &c.

Dear Mr Emerson

You appear to be under the impression that you and your dependants can overrule the long-standing policies of successive elected governments, based solely on whether or not they displease you. Let me assure you, for the final time, that this is not the case. Your balance remains due.

Yours &c.

Dear Revenue Commissioners,

I am not an unreasonable man and accept the possibility of further negotiation. If you will consider my non-payment of tax on these two days as part of the wider issue of all tax evasion throughout the private sector then I may be prepared to co-operate with your findings. Until then, I must ask you to respect both my unionist heritage and the integrity of my formal mediation process.

Yours &c.

Dear Mr Emerson,

While we do take the issue of tax evasion seriously, we are entitled to address it on a case-by-case basis. We see no reason why your case should be an exception.

Yours &c.

Dear Revenue Commissioners,

I believe my case is an exception due to the relatively small amount of money involved, compared to the impact of doing something I don’t want to do. I refer you once again to the ruling of the Emerson Arbitration Board, which found that saving €46 is not “consistent with the transformation that is required”.

Dear Mr Emerson,

Underpaid tax attracts a daily penalty interest charge and may also lead to a fine or prosecution. Please see attached leaflet for details.

Yours &c.

Dear Revenue Commissioners,

I feel the tone of your last letter shows the dangerous level of tension that already exists within the fiscal system. Forcing me to give you €46 would only widen the differential between myself and other taxpayers, creating further antagonism and perhaps even leading to direct action. For the sake of the country, I urge you to restrain yourself.

Yours &c.

Dear Mr Emerson,

We have selected your return for a revenue audit. An inspector will contact you shortly.

Yours &c.

Dear Revenue Commissioners,

I am pleased to inform you that I have been able to make the transformation required to pay an extra €46. However, I will be deducting €6 from this for the traditional hour allowed to go to the bank.

Yours &c.