The Golfers' Wives and Girlfriends (GWags) might as well have pitched up beside any old paddock in Co Kildare (where a pair of thoroughbreds is de rigueur in any self-respecting garden) for all they saw of the Curragh yesterday. Kathy Sheridan reports from the Curragh.
The organisers either; (a) missed those jolly ads promoting horse-racing, where mingling with the punters is the whole point or; (b) lost the plot entirely about security.
Interestingly, one punter who only wanted to get into the racecourse had to take his shoes off to satisfy security. Delivered by bus to the door of their little tent, stashed away on the non-punter side of the track, with only the Million Pavilion (Ronan Keating et al) next door for company, the sharper Gwags would have found a few clues to their whereabouts.
The racing colours (theme: uncontroversial purple) used to cover the dining chairs, or the occasional sound of galloping hooves would have helped. Then again, the sun was shining so they probably thought they were in Kentucky.
While the rest of us had a gay old time eyeing up the likes of nine-foot tall model Jodie Kidd, in her exemplary unfussy blue jeans (and minded by a PA called January, naturally), and those with respiratory problems galloped from Brown Thomas's best-dressed woman with the barn-full of feathers on her hat, the GWags only got to show their hats off to one another.
A PR minder insisted that theirs was "a private visit". A private visit to an Irish race meeting? Is that possible, or even quite sane? The two Queen GWags did emerge to present a trophy. Glendryth (Glen) Woosnam, in her neat suit and hat, looking like she'd escaped from the set of the Darling Buds of May, and, speaking in a friendly Shropshire accent, said they might as well have handed their betting vouchers straight over to the bookies. It wasn't clear if they knew there were horses involved.
The very glamorous, very tanned and vivacious Melissa Lehman had never heard the term Wag, so we had to explain about the footballers' Wags dancing on German tables.
So does she think she's a Wag ?
"I think it's totally appropriate," she said. "It could be worse," she said after a pause. "It would be Spouses And Girlfriends," interjected a wag. "I'm certainly not going to be a Sag! I'm okay as a Wag".
Concerned about information overload, we desisted from telling her about the Wams (Wives And Mothers), a new acronym coined in Enniscrone, according to a golf fan.
By the sound of it, Glen and Melissa are regarded as Wams by the younger women who come to them for advice, according to Ms Woosnam.
So how are they shaping up for the big match? Melissa chose her words carefully, demonstrating what makes her the Queen Wam. "Some of us have seen personal tragedy . . . We have this in perspective now. Sometimes, things have to put us in perspective, which is a shame . . ."
They all left at around 3.30, giving us only a glimpse as they teetered towards their bus, armed with Waterford Crystal goody bags. For the record, the winner of Shelbourne Hotel Goffs Million was Bill Durkin - "He won a million, so he can add it to his others," said the commentator - and Jodie Kidd's syndicate came second, winning €300,000.
But the happiest man we met was the one who was owed €60 by a bookie and was paid €600 instead. Some mistake clearly. Will he give it back ? "Will I ****?", he roared, in a phrase with resonances no GWag would understand.