Keep it real if you want to succeed at online dating

If you want to succeed at online dating then drop the flash approach and get real.

People looking for love online are less attracted to someone who is too slick, and more likely to go for someone who sounds like a real person, according to a study released today in the US.

You get a chance to produce a profile of yourself when you sign up for an online dating service, but don't even think of exaggerating, or at least keep it to a minimum. If you are too perfect you will just put prospective love interests off.

“It’s tough when it comes to dating profiles because we want someone who seems like an amazing person, but we also hopefully will have a relationship with this individual, so we want them to exist,” said Prof Andy High, of the University of Iowa’s department of communication studies.

One in 10 Americans make use of dating sites to meet people according to a 2013 study. This new study by Prof High and research collaborator Dr Crystal Wotipka shows that honesty is the best policy when it comes to attracting a partner.

Prof High and research collaborator Dr Crystal Wotipka decided to look at online dating from the view of a person drawing conclusions about another’s profile. “We wondered what do people like in a dating profile?” Wotipka says. “Whom are they most likely to contact? Whom are they most interested in meeting?”

They devised eight profiles of four men and four women. They included varying amounts of two characteristics, either a glowing profile with all the positives and none of the negative aspects of their personality described, or they included lots of information that suggested that this was a real person, not someone completely made up.

These were shown to 317 adults familiar with dating sites and with a mean age of 40.

Far from being impressed, the self promoting profiles were a turn-off for a majority of people. But if you were not too generous in describing your good points, but also included information about your work or jobs or life, then these were the profiles most likely selected, the study found.

If the person seemed too good to be true then they probably were and were shunned. But if the profile succeeded in getting something a bit more real across then they were more likely to be selected.

The key seemed to be balance, said Prof High. “You want to balance all that is wonderful about yourself with some things that aren’t negative, but more humble or realistic about yourself.”