Miriam Lord's week

‘X Factor’ twins go Green; keeping up appearances; last of the gentleman newsreaders; FF pirate queens; cumanns and camáns; bags for balls; box cleverness

Go-Go and Jedward: the Green Party dream team?

IF SHOWBIZ doesn't work out for X Factortwins John and Edward Grimes, they might yet consider a career in politics.

The cherubic teenagers from west Dublin have become a media phenomenon on both sides of the Irish Sea as a result of their compulsively atrocious song and dance routines on the hugely successful TV talent show.

Not a day passes without a new “Jedward” story in the newspapers (“close to breaking point” they were, yesterday) as their celebrity value continues to soar in tandem with their improbable quiffs.

In their hometown of Lucan, Jedmania is in full swing while, as we reported on Wednesday, local Green Party TD Paul GoGo Gogarty was spied in Leinster House sporting what looked suspiciously like a Jedward hairstyle. Now, we hear that the winsome twins (they do everything together) worked in Paul’s constituency office when they were transition year students in Kings Hospital school. “They worked in the office in spring of last year and made great impression,” recalls GoGo. “They were good workers and very competitive, asking if they were the fastest leafleteers we ever had, and yes, they probably were.”

Despite the huge amount of publicity surrounding the teenagers, Gogarty says he kept quiet about his connection with them because he didn't want to appear to be jumping on the bandwagon. (It was Minister Eamon Ryan – star-struck by association, even though he's never seen The X Factor– who spilled the beans to us.)

"They came back to see us in the office at the start of summer and said they were going to be on The X Factor. They even sang us a song, and before they left they drew a picture of me and my parliamentary assistant, Brian Murray, on the white board. It stayed there until a group of protesting students invaded the place and wiped everything off."

Deputy Gogarty is looking forward to tonight's performance from Jedward. "I never watched The X Factor, but now I can't wait to see what their song and outfits will be," he says. "They are very genuine kids, from a lovely family and I hope they do very well."

And is he claiming them as Green supporters and possible candidates for the future? “I would like to think they are Green supporters and they certainly seemed very interested in politics, so you never know. They might have to tone down the hair a bit, although I got elected in 1999 with a ponytail and highlights,” muses GoGo, who used to do some singing himself having busked for years outside Grogan’s pub in Castle Market.

As for his own Jedward upstyle? “Yes, I did have a quiff during the week, but it was totally unintentional. I spiked my hair with gel as it had grown too long and was getting unmanageable. Then a few people in the Dáil pointed out the similarity and I decided to keep the quiff for the week in honour of John and Edward.” In Gogarty’s book, Jedward have what it takes to be politicians: “They are well meaning, earnest, a little bit naive but full to the brim with talent.”

O’Rourke keeps cheques in the post – to charities

Fianna Fáil’s Mary O’Rourke never seems to be off the radio and television these days. In comparison, Labour’s Pat Rabbitte, himself no stranger to the microphone, is like a Trappist monk.

On Monday night, she made yet another foray into the world of light entertainment when she featured as a panellist on TV3's The Apprentice: You're Fired!The voluble Mammy O'Rourke, who is barred from every donkey sanctuary in the country because of the danger she poses to their hind legs, was an excellent guest. She seemed quite taken by Breffni, the wannabe apprentice "fired" by businessman Bill Cullen in the preceding programme.

But back in Leinster House, some politicians are a bit miffed by all the nice publicity that Mammy manages to get for herself. “She’s such a media tramp!” sniffed one jealous deputy, adding that Deputy O’Rourke must be raking in a fortune in appearance fees.

She isn’t, as it happens – at least not personally.

“I’m glad you asked me that question,” said Mammy, not unaware that her high profile is getting up some jealous political noses. “All my appearance fees go to charity.”

O’Rourke has earmarked a number of local and national charities for her contributions. “Everything I earn – modest enough sums, though grand to get them – is sent back out again. I even have a little book done to keep track of everything. I tell you what I do, now that I’ve really got into it. I tell the programmes to send the cheques directly on to them. That way, I don’t have to be signing stuff and posting it on.”

There are few programmes that haven't had O'Rourke along as a guest, but it's been many years since she appeared on the popular RTÉ current affairs show The Panel. Now might be a good opportunity for the media-savy Mammy to star again. The Panelis now hosted by David McWilliams, who recently had a run-in with Minister for Finance Brian Lenihan, who is a nephew of Mary O'Rourke. With any luck, things might turn nasty, in which event, our money is definitely on Mammy.

Time to usher in a new era after 22 years

Oireachtas usher Tony Dunne retired yesterday after 22 years looking after politicians and members of the public in Leinster House. The hooley across the road in Buswells Hotel went on into the early hours last night.

Before switching uniform and landing in Kildare Street, accomplished musician Tony played flute, clarinet and sax with the Army No 1 Band for 27 years.

Tony revived the Oireachtas choir and put in many hours preparing the singers for the annual Christmas carol recital on Leinster Lawn. With such an educated ear, listening to the discordant notes blasting from the Dáil chamber must have been torture for him.

He’s enjoyed his time in Leinster House and says he’ll miss his colleagues but he won’t miss the long hours.

And will he miss the politicians? “No. Some of them think they are Gods. You nearly have to genuflect when opening the doors for them.” In fairness, he says he doesn’t mean them all – a lot of the TDs and Senators are very sound.

Tony is off to Las Vegas next month and he will celebrate 40 years of marriage to Teresa with a Caribbean cruise in April. After a life enjoying music, Tony says he wants to give something back. A licentiate of the Royal Irish Academy – at one stage he was under the tutelage of Frank Aiken’s wife Maud – he is going to teach music at Riversdale Community College and at Castleknock College.

Hammond’s last broadcast

Another retirement bash this week took place in the RTÉ newsroom, where newsreader Ken Hammond bowed out after a quarter of a century in Montrose.

Much to his surprise, Ken’s colleagues threw a party for him after he read his final radio bulletin at 9pm. Ed Mulhall, head of news, spoke of Ken’s kindness, particularly to young reporters starting out in the business.

He also remarked that Ken was representative of that great RTÉ tradition of gentleman newsreaders – the likes of Charles Mitchell, Maurice O’Doherty and Don Cockburn – known for their preparation, attention to detail, sartorial perfection and wonderful delivery.

News anchorman Bryan Dobson recalled his early days with Ken in the pirate station, Radio Nova. "We go way back. I remember how Ken Hammond was recruited – they had open auditions at Nova and hundreds of people turned up. Ken was one of them. He sat down behind the microphone, he started to speak and he had the job immediately. He's a natural broadcaster." Opera buff Ken was presented with a pair of tickets for Richard Strauss' Der Rosenkavalierat the Royal Opera House in Covent Garden. And Anne Doyle presented the always impeccably turned out Hammond with a Charvet shirt.

Formidable, these Fianna Fáil women

This week’s “Modesty Forbids Me Award” goes to Fianna Fáil Senator, Áras an Uachtaráin aspirant and shrinking violet, Mary White. She informed the Seanad on Wednesday morning: “The Fianna Fáil women are formidable women in the image of Gráinne Mhaol. I put myself in that league.”

Donie Cassidy cannot declare war?

What a relief Willie O’Dea offered comforting words during Wednesday’s Seanad debate on the Defence (Miscellaneous Provisions) Bill, when he reassured the nation that if Ireland decides to go to war, the Upper House will play no part in making the call.

“Under the Constitution a declaration of war is a function reserved to Dáil Éireann alone. Seanad Éireann has no role in the matter. In the Defence (Amendment) (No 2) Act 1960, as amended, decisions regarding the deployment of the Defence Forces on UN-mandated overseas peace support operations is reserved to Dáil Éireann alone where such approval is required. Consistent with the provisions of the Constitution in regard to a declaration of war, Seanad Éireann has no role in the decision process regarding the overseas deployment of the Defence Forces.”

David Norris was overjoyed. “It comes as a considerable relief to myself and I am sure to other Members of the House that the Leader of the House, Senator Donie Cassidy, is not in a position to declare war.”

Meanwhile, in the same debate, Norris was flying the flag for his Independent colleagues. He says members such as Senators Shane Ross and Feargal Quinn possess a depth of wisdom and experience on financial matters which is not appreciated.

Norris: My final point is that we could not conceivably make a bigger balls of the economy than the present crowd have done.

Geraldine Feeney: That’s unparliamentary language.

An Cathaoirleach: That is not relevant and it is unparliamentary language.

Norris: In that case, I’ll replace the word “balls” with the word “bags”.

An Cathaoirleach: The Senator has said enough. I call Senator Cummins.

Senator Feeney: Why does the Senator not use the Irish word, liathróidí?

Norris: Liathróidí.

An Cathaoirleach: I call Senator Cummins to proceed without interruption.

Maurice Cummins: I hope we won’t make a bags of these amendments . . .

Byrne getting down with the young folk

Fianna Fáil deputy Thomas Byrne was appointed Chairman of Ógra Fianna Fáil at their annual conference in Donegal last weekend. Thirty-two-year-old solicitor Thomas is hardly a spring chicken in youth terms, but then Éamon Ó Cuív (59) is still known as “Young Dev”. The position of Ógra chairman is in the gift of the Taoiseach, and usually goes to a young Dáil deputy.

The TD for Meath East took over from junior minister Dara Calleary, while former chairmen include Micheál Martin, Seán Haughey and Bertie Ahern.

At the conference, the UCD Kevin Barry Cumann put forward its annual motion calling on the Government to remove VAT on hurleys and GAA equipment. There was also a motion in the Clár calling on Ógra to invite US president Barack Obama to attend next year’s conference. One young delegate was overheard to remark: “There’s more chance of Obama turning up to talk to us than the VAT on hurleys being dropped.”

O’Connor always has Tallaght on the mind

Fianna Fáil’s TD for Dublin South West, Charlie O’Connor, is famous for his ability to name-drop Tallaght into every public speaking opportunity that comes his way. Sometimes he varies things by mentioning other areas in his constituency, which lies in the foothills of the Dublin mountains.

He managed to get Tallaght, Kilnamanagh and Bohernabreena into his Pre-Budget Outlookstatement on Tuesday night.

“I know that deputies will believe that farming is not a significant issue in Tallaght, but there is a rural community in Bohernabreena, which I am happy to represent . . . I managed to get four votes from Bohernabreena.” A colleague cornered Charlie in a corridor afterwards and asked him if he had ever, ever, made a speech to the Dáil which didn’t include a reference to Tallaght.

O’Connor thought a while then replied: “Yeah, once. On crime.”

Extending the clove of peace to Lenihan

A well-known journalist, who shall remain nameless, was guilty of a brazen example of grovelling to Brian Lenihan during the week after he got an earful for writing a story which did not go down well in Finance.

Clever Minister Lenihan, who spends a lot of time massaging the ego of the Fourth Estate with regular tete-a-tetes in the canteen, joined a few hacks to shoot the breeze over lunch on Wednesday. The reporter, who penned the piece on AIB which did not meet with his approval, sidled over and attempted to mend fences.

After some urgent whispering, the pair appeared to part on the best of terms. But our intrepid friend had left nothing to chance.

Minutes after Brian Lenihan departed, a staff member emerged from the kitchen carrying a side-plate and looking rather baffled. “Here’s what you ordered” she said, placing the plate, on which three peeled cloves of garlic rested, in front of the blushing hack.

“Peace offering for the Minister,” he explained sheepishly.

French, Irish fall out over box incident. Fancy that . . .

Those who laugh last, laugh longest . . .

We had a good giggle last weekend when a website called The Irish Soccer Insider had some fun at the expense of French president Nicolas Sarkozy, who is a little on the shortish side.

"French and Irish Fall Out Over Box Incident" screamed the heading over a series of "leaked" letters which caused "a major breakdown in communication between the French government and the Irish over the upcoming World Cup qualifying play-off. There is now a full-blown diplomatic row brewing." But that was before "The Hand of Frog" (as the Sunput it) fiasco on Wednesday night, when Thierry Henry's blatant handball nearly did see the French and Irish fall out over a box incident.

The original spat is well worth a read as it comes complete with the entire body of “correspondence” between Paris and Dublin.

The first letter to the Department of Foreign Affairs, dated October 20th, is from a Mons Jacques du Maurier of the Consulate General de France and he requests the following: “I am writing to you on behalf of the French President, Monsieur Nicolas Sarkozy. Following the recent announcement of the World Cup play-off match between our two countries, the President has requested that you provide a VIP box for the game as he is very keen to attend.” So far, so good.

A swift reply wings its way to “Rue Des Blageur” from a Bill O’Leary in St Stephen’s Green. Naturally, Ireland is most delighted to hear that President Sarkozy wishes to attend and looks forward to welcoming him.

“We would just like some clarification regarding the VIP box as there are a number of options available. Do you have any preferences re: size?” Our friend Jacques, by return, expresses surprise that the boxes come in different sizes. “Do the dimensions have any bearing on one’s enjoyment of the game?” Bill in Foreign Affairs is keen to help: “The overall match experience will certainly be influenced by the president’s choice . . . The first box is 30cm high and will allow the president to see most of the Croke Park pitch, though he may not be able to see play in the northwest quadrant. The second box is 60cm . . .” And so on.

Matters go downhill from there. “There appears to be some confusion,” writes an unhappy Mons Du Maurier. Foreign media may make wisecracks about President Sarkozy’s diminutive stature, but it is not the sort of conduct one expects from a representative of the Irish government.

Mr O’Leary is most apologetic: “Genuine misunderstanding . . . never intended to cause offence . . . the president will enjoy an executive VIP box with full security and hospitality arrangements in place. The boxes will then be placed discretely inside.”

Merdé! Jacques is incensed. He rattles off a stinging letter and declares complaints will be lodged at the highest level. In view of the lack of respect shown to his office, “the president has decided to watch the match in Paris instead”.

Whereupon Bill in Foreign Affairs signs off: “Fair enough. We look forward to seeing the Boys in Green give your lot a good hammering.” Which they might have done, had there not been that real “box incident”.