Miriam Lord: Like a rave from the grave with Dr Dave

Halloween came to Dublin early this week when a Dawson Street bookshop hosted the equivalent of a political fright night for those of a nervous disposition.

Hodges Figgis was stuffed to the gunwales with stalwarts from Fianna Fáil’s swashbuckling Celtic Tiger period for the launch of a new book by a former senior adviser to the party.

"It was like an ard fheis from the good old days," sighed a nostalgic attendee. Present leader Micheál Martin (he was a big noise back in the pre-crash days too) joined his predecessors Brian Cowen and Bertie Ahern for the launch of Brian Murphy's Forgotten Patriot – Douglas Hyde and the Foundation of the Irish Presidency.

All three smiled and posed together for a photograph, but away from the formalities, relations between the three – and in particular between Martin and Ahern – looked a little chilly. Like most observers present, RTÉ broadcaster and author David McCullagh, who launched the biography, was very struck by the Back to the Future feel of the event.

"Great to see so many familiar faces – it's like 2007 all over again," remarked the Prime Time presenter, before pausing briefly for dramatic effect. "Sure what could go wrong!" And everyone fell around the place.

Dr Dave (he has a PhD in politics from UCD) described the DIT academic’s “superb” book as an important piece of work of “very substantial scholarship” which brings new insights into Douglas Hyde and the development of the presidency.

“I’ve known Brian for around 15 years or so, from his time as speech writer for Bertie Ahern and Brian Cowen and my time covering politics for RTÉ – or as we’ve recently been rebranded by Ireland’s answer to Donald Trump, the ‘rat-infested North Korean union shop’,” said McCullagh, whose books include a biography of John A Costello, Fine Gael Taoiseach of Ireland’s first coalition government.

Bawdy Limerick

In the course of his entertaining speech, Dr Dave referred to a bawdy limerick written by Myles na gCopaleen (then a senior civil servant) on the subject of Hyde’s reputed weakness for the ladies. However, to spare the blushes of any sensitive types in the audience, he decided not to read it out. Look away now if you so wish.

There once was a man called an t-Uachtaráin,

who lived in Áras an Uachtaráin,

He was fond of his nookie,

He had a go at the cookie,

And there is the couch that he f-uachtaráin.

After the launch, sponsored by Hyde Whiskey, the happy Fianna Fáilers fanned out around the local hostelries like it was old times. They had a definite spring in their steps, clearly of the belief that their party is well on the way back following its brief 2011 election blip.

Bertie had his tea in Marco Pierre White’s restaurant on Dawson Street and was seen departing for dinner afterwards with former press secretary, Eoghan Ó Neachtáin. Mandy Johnston, Bertie’s trusted media lieutenant for much of his tenure, met up with the old backroom crew from those heady days in Merrion Street while Pat McPartlan, Micheál’s communications director, kept an eye on the current boss and those serving TDs and Senators who turned up. The book, published by The Collins Press, sold out in jig time.

Brian Cowen retired to Buswells with his crowd, while veteran party members and supporters, along with a plethora of former advisers and handlers (many now pulling in a handsome shilling in the corporate consultancy/ communications game) headed for the watering holes near Leinster House.

They should all go out treat-or-treating. No masks, just torches under their chins in the dark.

Knock on a few non-FF doors and when they open, shout: “We’re baaack!” Wouldn’t that be frighteningly hilarious? They haven’t gone away, you know.

WON’T SOMEONE THINK OF THE ANIMALS?

There was something touching about the way Fianna Fáil and Fine Gael awkwardly tried to stay nice to each other during the week’s continuing budget discussions. Their “can’t live with ‘em, can’t live without ‘em” relationship was one of the more interesting storylines from their Beige Budget.

Micheál Martin shocked radio listeners on Tuesday by casually dropping the “f” word into his measured defence of the Noonan/Donohoe/McGrath/Calleary-designed package of measures. He said it after presenter Sean O’Rourke pressed him over whether his party unduly influenced Fine Gael to go down the populist route by giving away too much money when the funds could have gone into services.

“How wise was it to push the government so hard on the giveaways?” “In terms of the fundamentals . . . I think we are being very responsible,” replied the Fianna Fáil leader. Fundamentals. The last time the Irish public was reassured about them the country went bust. But these are changed times, as one of the party’s new breed of politicians told the Dáil on Thursday.

“Personally, I welcome the new politics. I find it very normal and democratic,” said Kildare North’s James Lawless. He’s a big fan of minority government. And he said, with no small amount of pride, that the Welsh National Assembly studied the confidence and supply arrangement between FG and FF “for guidance” before forming their own minority government.

James regretted that some TDs “struggle with our new arrangements”, yearning to go back to the adversarial system of the past. Whereupon he took an old-fashioned swipe at Minister for Transport Shane Ross for using most of his time in the budget debate to heap “scathing invective” on Fianna Fáil because he had little of substance to announce from his own department.

“I know his origins are in the Fine Gael party and perhaps he has gone native, back to type with the increased zeal of the convert.” Lawless then made a pitch to become the intellectual engine, the Michael D Higgins, of Fianna Fáil. Shane Ross’s “partisan” approach reminded him of debates which took place when democracy was in its infancy “with the gradual realisation that peace was preferable to war and pooling sovereignty delivered better results”.

“The early political philosophers like Locke, Hobbes and Rousseau rejected the idea that the state of nature is a state of war and moved on from that. They also noted that, in the absence of co-operation, life in the wild is not attractive. Life, or in this case ministerial careers or government terms, could be, in the words of Locke, “nasty, poor, brutish, and short”. But we’ve moved on, we hope.”

Fianna Fail, proudly practising compassion in politics by caring for endangered Fine Gael wildlife. Who’d have thought it? Animal rescue, Leinster House style.

LABOUR, SINN FÉIN AND THE ART OF MEASURING SUCCESS IN SQUARE METRES

Success for political parties isn’t just measured in votes, it can also be calculated in square metres.

Labour’s reduced circumstances are reflected in the compact suite of ground-floor offices which the party now occupies.

Before the election, TDs and senators enjoyed rooms at the top of Leinster House with lovely views from the fifth floor.

They also had plenty of space for meetings in their airy party room in the modern Leinster House 2000 annex.

On the plus side, their new home is on a corridor which runs alongside the Dáil bar, so members and staff don’t have far to go when they want to go off and cry into their drinks.

But one party’s adversity is another’s advantage and Sinn Féin’s 23 TDs, 7 Senators and numerous backroom staff have the run of the corridors Labour used to call home. They also have the key to their conference room.

Delighted though Gerry and Mary Lou were with their new surroundings, there was one major drawback – a very large artwork depicting figures from the national and international Labour movement through the ages. While it features Connolly and Big Jim Larkin, and scenes from the 1798 Rising and the French Revolution, it also portrays Labour Party leaders and prominent TDs.

Unsettling

It was unsettling, to say the least, for the Shinners to have to hold meetings under the painted gaze of luminaries such as Frank Cluskey, Dick Spring, Proinsias De Rossa, Joan Burton, Emmet Stagg, Michael D, not to mention a full-length representation of Ruairí Quinn in side profile.

Why didn’t they simply remove it? The mural, as everyone calls it, is huge. It’s also a very valuable piece of art and the authorities didn’t want to act until they could find a new location for it.

Week after week, Sinn Féin begged the OPW to come and take it away. The Labour survivors, cheek by sweaty jowl in their new tenement, pined for its return.

All to no avail. The picture would not be moved until a scheduled repainting job on Labour’s new broom cupboards was completed.

Two weeks ago, in desperation, Sinn Féin informed the OPW that if the offending canvas wasn’t removed immediately they were going to rip the damn thing off the wall themselves.

The picture, commissioned by Quinn when he was leader, was duly repatriated to its grateful owners. It just about fits in their downsized meeting space.

Sinn Féin, meanwhile, has a painting of hunger striker Kieran Doherty – who was elected to the Dáil for Cavan-Monaghan before his death – ready to hang in its place.

TOP OF THE CLASS: O’SULLIVAN LEADS THE WAY AS GAEILGE

When the Dáil returned from the summer recess at the end of last month, some TDs and Senators also returned to school.

Irish classes started up again, with Independent deputy Maureen O’Sullivan flying to the top of the class after the first lesson. Maureen has since been joined in the star pupil bracket by former Labour minister for education Jan O’Sullivan and the Green Party’s Catherine Martin.

Jan and Catherine decided they wanted some politics with their lessons and sought translations for a few specific terms.

So now they can talk about the opinion poll – pobalbhreith, sound bites – giotán fuaime, populist – pobalach, and rainbow coalition – rialtas bogha ceatha.