That's men for you/Padraig O'Morain's guide to men's health:How would you know if you are likely to be violent towards a woman with whom you are in a romantic relationship?
How would you know your daughter or friend was getting into a relationship which was likely to include violence?
These matters cannot be predicted exactly - but there are danger signs to look out for.
Some of these danger signs have been outlined in a study of more than 2,000 people by researchers at Florida Atlantic University in the United States and the University of Kassel in Germany.
The study looked at what a small minority of men do to hold on to the women they love and at which of these behaviours is likely to lead to violence.
The key warning sign is emotional manipulation, according to the results of the study in the journal Personal Relationships, published by Blackwell.
Emotional manipulation involves such behaviours as telling the woman that he would die if she ever left or that he cannot live without her.
Another example would be the man pretending to be angry over something to make the woman feel guilty.
Women who are manipulated emotionally by men in this way are twice as likely as average to experience serious violence.
Vigilance is another important predictor of violence.
This includes calling in on the woman unexpectedly to see what she is doing or ringing her to make sure that she is where she said she would be. Sometimes the man will get his friends to check up on her and she will not even know that she is being watched.
Reading your partner's mobile phone messages is something that goes on in a lot of relationships leading to unpleasant surprises in some cases.
But if the man is reading his partner's messages all the time or is opening her mail all the time, this may well be a warning sign of violence down the road.
Why don't women notice this and get out? First of all, they may not interpret what is going on as something that could result in violence.
After all, they love the men in their lives. Secondly, the tactics used by this small minority of men to keep their women to themselves can send confusing messages.
For instance, men who are extremely attentive sexually and who meet all their partner's sexual demands may be doing so out of a fear that she would otherwise leave.
Researchers have consistently found a link between relationship violence and what they call sexual inducements in which the man will do anything to please the woman sexually.
In reality, the man may be motivated by sexual jealousy.
This does not mean, by the way, that every man who is good in bed is going to become a wife beater. We are talking here about a minority and that is important to remember.
Men who are likely to be violent towards their women can also be very romantic. The so-called "hearts and flowers" stage in which the man showers his wife with flowers and chocolates after beating her is well known.
Similarly, the man who showers his girlfriend with gifts may well be doing so out of a belief that this is what he has to do to prevent her going away with other men.
Such a man may very well resort to violence at some future stage in the relationship, if he thinks she might be about to leave.
From this, it is easy enough to see how it might take a very long time indeed for the penny to drop with the woman. The behaviours, after all, are meant to keep her there.
The researchers see these behaviours as a sort of evolutionary throwback. To pass on his genes, the man must ensure that the woman stays with him.
Whether or not they are correct about that, there is no doubt that a man who finds himself behaving towards women in the ways outlined above should take a long hard look at himself and at his motivations.
Padraig O'Morain is a journalist and counsellor accredited by the Irish Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy.