The Bigger Picture: One of the sad things about our modern, industrialised culture is that it has inadvertently robbed us of an ability to do things that feel "too difficult". As such, we have collectively lost our sense of the greater good, and with it a framework of values we can rely on - something essential to a meaningful life. One of the places I first noticed this was with fairytales.
As a child, I loved the story of The Little Mermaid by Hans Christian Andersen - I'm not sure why. I had seen an animated version of it on television, long before Disney made its all-singing, all-dancing blockbuster.
In the version I saw, a range of emotions came through clearly for me: fear, uncertainty, a genuine need to try, and the will to give innocently and passionately of one's heart. Most of all, what struck me deeply was the idea of dilemma.
The little mermaid loved a human, and so bought a potion to turn herself into a human at great cost to herself. She needed her love returned in order to survive as a human.
However, as the story unfolded, the one thing that was unforeseen, unexpected, but completely possible occurred: the man did come to love her deeply, but as a friend and sister, not lover. Instead, he wished to marry someone else. This led to pain, struggle and impending tragedy for the little mermaid.
As the story moves on, the little mermaid realises her life can be saved if she kills the man. Instead, she chooses to be true to her heart and to take responsibility for her choices - even though the consequences are unimaginable.
Watching her make these choices for integrity, truth and responsibility had an incredible impact on me.
I don't know why I wasn't terrified by the story as a child. Perhaps it was because the little mermaid's death was poetically buffered in the form of "eternal foam on the waves", or because Andersen's ending added a reprieve where her pure heart was acknowledged and so she was transformed into a more hopeful state than death. Perhaps it was because I understood the story was fiction - mermaids and magic, etc - and children can work within the realms of imagination. Far from being terrified, I learned something insightful about life.
The original fairytales had purpose. They used magic and fantasy to walk us through some of life's most painful experiences, giving us a remote and manufactured setting in which to grapple with them, and the opportunity to develop skills as we did. These stories were not just emotional exercises, however.
Each one showed us complex circumstances and conflicting agendas. As we worked our way through them, we learned to think in the face of deep feelings and make decisions about our character and beliefs in the face of awesome consequences. They taught us something about ethics, compassion and insight, awakening us to life experience.
Today, our style of telling fairytales (particularly as represented by Disney) has lost much of this purpose. We are entertained and experience fear, but are not challenged to question ourselves through the potential for tragedy. Thus, we do not learn to build ourselves into thoughtful people, or forge out meaningful lives. Rather, everything is in anticipation for the happy ending.
I cannot lay all this at the hands of Disney. This has been a trend model of our time. Current society deals only with fear and happiness - we are taught to be afraid of "threats" and "others", and believe things are good only when we feel happy. Ironically, despite our attention to numbing ourselves, society today is pre-occupied with our feelings. We are perpetually afraid and addicted to seeking pleasure. As a result, we commonly feel insecure. Our mental health is at stake.
This is further marked by the fact that the original fairytales were told or read to us. They were not watched on TV, video or DVD. Children today often embark on these stories on their own, without the support and guidance of adults.
Since parents today are working harder for less - distracted by the "need" for "simple comforts" - most are drained of time and energy. Today, we not only send our children to watch these stories on their own, but use technology (TV, DVDs, etc) as a means of occupying them so we can have a break. The result is simple: adults haven't the time to be with their children, providing warmth, safety and love as they explore the feelings and questions of life.
Finally, on the topic of stories with life lessons, yesterday marked the end of the Indian festival of lights, Diwali. Including several narratives, the epic Ramayan features at the forefront.
This story demonstrates to us how fear, insecurity and above all power can corrupt us; the great strength of loyalty and love; and the potential for enlightenment within each of us. You may enjoy reading it, and certainly I wish you happiness, strength and insight in this time.
Shalini Sinha works as a life coach and Bowen practitioner in her clinic, Forward Movement.