Fatal attraction

DEIRDRE - not her real name - is a professional married woman in her early 30s

DEIRDRE - not her real name - is a professional married woman in her early 30s. She was pursued by a stalker all the way from the US home to Ireland. It was the start of a nightmare that has lasted almost a decade. She agreed to tell her story in the hope that it would hasten reform of the law and make stalking a criminal offence.

"The stalker was someone I knew. I'd worked in an office with him and a number of others while in the States. I'd considered him a friend, so much so that I'd leave him the keys to my house when I visited home and ask him to water the plants and so on.

"When I told him I was leaving the job and going home [to Ireland] his attitude changed completely. He began to pledge his `undying love' and asked how I could do this to him. While I tried very hard to sort it all out, he just wasn't accepting facts. First of all I was married and, secondly, I was going back to Europe.

"Anyway, it got to the point where he was following me around in my car and parking his car outside the house and staying there for hours on end. He was writing letters and popping them into the mailbox and saying he'd placed bugging devices around the house.

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"In fact I think he probably did because he was able to report conversations to me which there was absolutely no way he could have known the contents of. Anyway, I subsequently moved back to Ireland and I thought that would be the end of it. In fact as soon as I got back I found that he'd been ringing the family. I actually answered the phone to him at my parents' house. I asked him how he got the number and he said he'd taken my address book and diaries from my house in the States.

"Within about three weeks he'd arrived in Ireland. I had just started a new job. He'd handwritten a note which was incredibly obscene, describing me in all sorts of compromising sexual situations with him which were total fantasy.

"He photocopied it and mailed it to every single person in my address book. All my family, all my friends - everybody got a copy of it. It turned out he stole undeveloped film as well. He was obsessed with my private life, obsessed with my every waking and sleeping moment.

"He was able to establish where, I worked. That wasn't too hard because in their innocence my parents gave him my work number. Then while in Ireland he would constantly call at my parents' house. I wasn't living at home. I'd moved to a flat and" once my parents had wised up to what was happening they obviously weren't giving him my address.

"But people in Ireland are innocent in terms of giving away a person's private phone number or address. Somebody that's a bit clever or chatty will get information out of almost anyone. Unfortunately, he established where I lived and where I worked. And once he'd established that, he used to pace up and down at my office building around the time that I was due to come into work or leave work. This happened every day for a fortnight.

"For the first couple of days the security man, who I asked not to, under any circumstances, let him into the building, acted as if he thought it was somebody I'd, had a minor tiff with, and that it wasn't all that serious.

"Then he started mailing the same letters into my office and the security man realised it was quite serious. This guy had to return to the States, but over a period of 18 months going on two-years, he phoned my parents, and me, and some friends at all hours of the day and night. He also came back to Ireland five times in that two years.

"On one trip he had a photograph of me he must have developed from the roll of film. He'd handwritten this poster, very obscene, with my picture on it, saying I was wanted in the States for the spread of AIDS. He'd had it photocopied and put it up in men's toilets all around the city centre. In fact one of my male, friends here in Dublin said he'd seen it.

"At this stage my nerves were in shreds and it also caused incredible tensions in my marriage, so much so that it has broken up. I lived very close to a police station and twice went to it to say what was going on, and twice they said they'd keep an eye outside the house and warn him off.

"I felt fairly satisfied with that because the police station was very close, and I felt that they would do that, but for the period that he was in Dublin 1 used to have to have somebody walk me to work, walk me to a taxi rank.

was absolutely terrified to walk out on the street in case he would accost me in any way.

"On his final trip to Ireland - and bear in mind five trips in 18 months is a lot, and also the excessive phone calls in between, and letters and so on he did approach me. I was unfortunately on my own because I hadn't realised he was in the city. I was terrified and just ran and ran. I went straight to the police again.

"At this stage my nerves were completely in shreds. But I'm afraid it was the usual thing. They were very sympathetic but said that unless he physically assaulted me there was nothing they could do. They couldn't have him warned off. They couldn't have him deported from the country. Non-physical harassment, or stalking, is not a crime in Ireland - and one of the main reasons I'm willing to talk to you is that I really feel the law should be doing something about this. Because I'm not the only one I know that it's happened to.

"Another incident happened a couple of years ago when my husband had to go back to the States for about a month. This guy found out by accident that my husband was there and every single day for the time he was there would ring me at work or at home to say that he knew where my husband lived, that he was there, and that he would kill him. You can imagine the terror that struck in me.

"I SHOULD say that as regards his mentality he was quite a gentle, funny individual when I knew him as a friend. I knew he was a Vietnam war veteran and in retrospect maybe something in Vietnam triggered all this. I really don't know. I'm just trying to find an explanation for the whole thing.

"It has a dreadful effect on your ability to work. My performance at work suffers tremendously. My home life suffers tremendously. My relationships with my family were under an awful lot of stress because my parents were being called at all hours of the night and day. They're quite elderly and certainly didn't need that.

"In the meantime it's not over yet. Though his ardour seems to have dwindled quite a bit I still get about two letters a year addressed to my parents.

"When you're the victim your thoughts turn to revenge. You feel `What can I do to stop this person hurting me any more?', and even if you're a rational, calm, thinking person, when you re under stress like that all sorts of options enter your head. Naturally I didn't act on any of them, but you have to admit to thinking them sometimes.

"A few people know of my story and it's amazing how often it actually happens here. It's indiscriminate. You can be a married woman in your mid-50s and still have somebody following you. It's totally indiscriminate."