Oh yes, it's another book on parenting

Have you ever felt that, as a parent, you are spending much of your time in constant battle with your three-/eight-/12year-old child? The settings range from getting dressed in the morning to having breakfast, from getting out to playschool or school on time to afternoon or evening activities. Do tempers flare, and both you and your child end up feeling powerless, emotionally exhausted and ultimately unhappy?

If so, join the fluctuating troupe of parents who sometimes feel they just can't do anything right. English clinical psychologist, mother and grandmother Sue Jenner promises that if you read and follow the advice in her new book, The Parent/Child Game, you will be on the way to creating a happier family.

Oh no, you say, not another ******* book telling me how to be a better parent? Yes, I'm afraid so but if you read on, you may pick up the crucial strands of her argument without recourse to vast tracts of psychological reasoning.

Take this for starters. How about, the next time you find yourself beginning the day with a string of orders and criticisms aimed at your child ("finish your cereal", "why can't you sit at the table properly?"," brush your hair before you go out", etc), search for something that is praiseworthy instead. Simply smile or comment positively on the nice t-shirt he or she is wearing, Jenner suggests.

Ignoring minor naughtiness is a key to happier family life, according to Jenner. "For children under about eight years, one minute of good-quality ignoring often does the trick. It may take from five to 10 minutes for older children," she writes. Once the child starts to behave well or at least acceptably, Jenner advises the parent to praise her for her good behaviour. Be cautioned, however: you may have several days/episodes of ignoring naughtiness before your child gets the message that no one is interested in this particular way of behaving. Break your resolve once and criticise rather than ignore and the process will take longer still.

"Praising children following their sociable behaviour is a much more constructive use of your naturally limited energy than is shouting or smacking after naughty behaviour," Jenner writes. She also repeats the now all-to-familiar maxim that the parent, not the child, should be the more powerful person in the equation. Back to those sticky patches in the day - getting dressed, mealtimes, bedtime and sleep routines. Jenner says a major reason for these fraught routines is that your child is more often than not in doubt about how best to win your praise and avoid your disapproval.

Instructive in style yet gentle and understanding in approach, Jenner's book is nonetheless only for those ready to jump into fullscale understanding of what makes us - parents and children alike - behave the way we do.

She invites parents to review their own "attachment history" to see what sort of baggage they are carrying into the next generation. Jenner then goes on to describe different parenting styles - "inconsistent", "authoritarian", "over-dependent", "distant", "neglectful" and "balanced". And while you may find that you seem to have some defining characteristics of each style, if you are to be honest with yourself, you will find that you can pitch yourself more clearly in one camp and then try, with Jenner's help, to move towards more balanced parenting.

For instance, "authoritarian" parents need to learn to let go of some of their power and become better friends with their children. "Distant" parents need to show their children their soft sides, realising that they can be fond and firm at the same time. To become a balanced parent, one must learn to congratulate oneself on tasks well handled, while acknowledging that there are still a few wobbly patches in your parenting prowess.

Jenner offers lots of tips for parents coming from the above-mentioned camps who wish to become more balanced parents. She also talks quite a bit about removing blame, guilt and labelling and accepting different personalities within families.

Having more confidence in your own ability to get it right is the bottom line for us all. However, no one said that being a parent would be easy and this book doesn't for a minute make it seem so.

All the same, if you can find the time and are ready to put in the effort to read and follow Jenner's well thought-out advice, you may well become a better parent in the process.

The Parent/Child Game: the proven key to a happier family by Sue Jenner is published by Bloomsbury (£16.99 in the UK).