When our children get older and start to "spread their wings", going to parties and hanging around with their friends, we as parents need to know where they are, who they are with and what they are doing.

One of the main reasons for children experimenting with alcohol or drugs is pressure from their peers, so we parents need to support each other in the care of our children and create a safe environment and healthy atmosphere for them to grow up in.

Most parents will try to create a healthy atmosphere for their parties or get-togethers; however, a few things have come to my attention recently which made me stop and think again.

One incident was a 16-year old girl's party where the parents just went out and left them to enjoy themselves - of course they all got drunk and one girl ended up in hospital getting her stomach pumped. Another time I spoke with what I thought was a like-minded parent who stated she allowed the boys at a 16-year-old's party to bring alcohol, including spirits. The third was a parent who was very upset about an over-18s horror movie being shown to her 10-year-old daughter at a friend's house; her daughter has been having nightmares ever since.

You may say: "I always telephone where my son or daughter is going and make sure the parents are staying at home." Which brings me to another story of a party that was for adults and children - the parents were worse than the youngsters, drunk and falling about the place.

In parts of the US they have formed SAFEHOMES Parent Networks that co-operate with the schools and police to create a healthy atmosphere in which the use of drugs and alcohol is not considered the norm. To do this they encourage the parents to follow guidelines that are really common sense for most parents.

Know your children's friends and their parents.

Know where your children are and let them know where you are.

Take a firm anti-alcohol and drugs stand.

Be aware or ask to be awakened when young people and their friends come home at night.

Reassure your children that they can phone you at any time, day or night, and that they will be given a lift home if they get into difficulties.

Telephone ahead to verify a party or activity.

Set rules for weekdays and weekends about how late it is acceptable to come home - and stick to them. Discuss with them ahead of time the consequences if the rules are broken.

At parties, encourage them not to invite too many, do not allow any gate-crashers, do not allow any alcohol or drugs and be visible hosts.

If any problems do arise and you suspect a child of being drunk or stoned, be willing to protect the child from her/ himself or others until the parents or the necessary medical help comes.

In America this SAFEHOMES network is highly organised. There is paperwork involved - and parents even sign contracts. Perhaps that may be too much for our society to contemplate, but many of the guidelines are sound and it is well worth communicating with parents of your children's friends about how they feel about these issues.

Increased communication among parents can only increase the opportunity of having a safe environment for our children. When you think that alcohol is a drug that is widely abused and misused here in Ireland, and that most children have their first drink in their young teenage years, we as parents need to be very aware of the temptations of both drink and drugs that are out there for our children today.

We need to talk to our children about alcohol - the different types and the effects it can have. We should also make ourselves aware of the drugs that are commonly available for young people.

Talking with other parents will help raise awareness of the temptations and of how parents can support their children. It may also put pressure on the parents to be cognisant of their responsibilities when giving parties or having other children in their home.

Talking and sharing about children can help parents give support to each other in setting standards of behaviour with regard to temptations such as alcohol and drugs.

There is no doubt that we cannot supervise our teenagers 24 hours a day - we cannot always be at home. But together, parents - knowing, supporting each other and communicating with the parents of our children's friends - can have a loose network of caring, with common-sense policies set in unison.

Together all the children will understand the policies and know the consequences should those policies not be adhered to. Though they may not admit it, teenagers are happy to accept reasonable limits as long as they are consistently and intelligently applied and explained.