How you shouldn't motivate your little genius

What ambitious parent hasn't spent money on drama/music/horseriding, etc only to discover that the child has no interest in the activity whatsoever? You can motivate your child by, first of all, not choosing an activity without full and frank discussion. Once the activity is under way, talk with the child about the long-term benefits of sticking with it. Praise each small accomplishment - but never offer bribes.

It's a mistake to force the child, as in: "I don't care if you hate horse-riding. I paid for the classes and now you're going." The child will simply go through the motions, getting no value out of the experience whatsoever.

Don't compare your child to siblings or other children, or to yourself, as in: "You still aren't practising your scales? I was playing Mozart at your age." Your child will assume a mantle of failure because he or she doesn't meet up to your standards. Resist the temptation to reason and lecture, as in "You won't do well in life unless you learn to commit. Unless you start practising your violin, you can kiss that PlayStation 2 goodbye."

The effect will be to convince your child that you won't care about him or her unless he or she succeeds. The worst thing you can do is to criticise, as in "Of course you fell off the horse, you probably weren't listening to a word the instructor said."

This kind of comment does not repair a child's inability to concentrate and listen while maintaining peak co-ordination and a positive relationship with the horse, a deficit of which the child is probably already well. Talk like this, and your child will never want to try anything new again.