Do put your daughter on the stage . . .

Do you remember occasions as a teenager when you had to speak in front of the whole class or the entire school and your palms would go all sweaty, you would blush bright pink and your voice would dry instantly to a whisper?

For some people these feelings would be rare, for others they may have featured on an almost daily basis. Shyness can be a terrible thing. At around the start of second-level school, children seem to suddenly become aware of themselves in a very self-conscious way. One woman recalls her own shyness-afflicted teenage years: "As a child I had big eyes and long fair hair which everyone remarked on, and it wasn't until I was in secondary school I also realised that I was plump. "I changed from being happy and outgoing to being a bookish person, a loner - lonely in fact - because I became excruciatingly self conscious," says Brenda O'Leary. "I went to college - all that reading paid off! - and my first summer working in London I discovered a way of diverting people's attention away from my size: I wore ripped black stuff, chopped my hair, dyed it blue and wore it Mohican style. It was 1979 and I became a punk! "Funnily enough, I loved the attention and I felt I could be me, because when you dress like that people expect you to be far more outrageous than you are! I had to leave it behind me when I finished college and started work, but by then I had learned to come out of myself without the props."

Being shy can be a great handicap for those afflicted with it because it holds them back from doing things, from joining in, and from expressing themselves fully. Not only are they not participating, but they are frustrated and miserable at being excluded.

While many shy children deny that they want to become involved with what everyone else is doing, generally they simply don't know how to overcome the barrier of their own feelings and get stuck in.

Mairead's daughter is 13. "I'm constantly on at her to pull her hair back from her face, because you can't see her, and to stop biting her nails. She's not one for joining in really, and she seldom has friends round. "I know she'd be happier if she'd only stand tall and speak out for herself."

So what can you do? Saying "Why don't you join the youth club?" or "Ring a friend and go out," while well meant by parents, isn't helpful, according to the experts - because the thought of doing anything so pro-active fills many a shy teenager with sheer terror. And saying "Everyone feels that way - you just have to snap out of it" does little to ease the situation.

The way to combat shyness is to build up confidence from early on, says psychotherapist Wendy Grant, who offers some helpful suggestions. "Look for areas in your child's life where you can genuinely offer praise. Use encouragement, not bribery. "Take your child's problems seriously; don't ever tell them their fears are silly - to them they are very serious. Consider their opinions and ideas as you would if they were offered by a friend or colleague - you could learn a lot. "Welcome their friends into your home - your child may at first feel safer in his/her own environment. Support their hobbies and interests - when we are good at something it helps to build self-esteem."

Actively participating in a sport or hobby can be invaluable in bringing a young person out of themselves. Something which seems to be particularly good in this area is drama. You might be surprised at the number of professional actors who originally took classes to help overcome shyness.

Patrick Sutton, executive director of the Gaiety School of Acting, says he has no doubt drama "is the one thing than can give the child the confidence to go on and flower into the person that they have the potential to be.

"There is nothing more satisfying than looking at shy young people gradually becoming more empowered. In the Gaiety School the emphasis is very much on bringing out the individual talent. The objective is not so much to get them out on to the stage, it's as much in the process as in the product. It's about developing confidence from the inside. "Shyness can lead to terrible misery and - it cannot be emphasised enough - there are far more people terrified of entering a roomful of strangers than would care to admit it."

Overcoming the shyness enough to sign up for the class and attend the first session can be a daunting step for a very self-conscious youngster.

"Actually crossing the threshold, is the biggest problem," Sutton says. "The first day at drama school can be quite terrifying, but we spend a lot of time on developing the group dynamic and it is very unusual for that shyness not to chip away. "The key thing is to respect the right of the individual to develop at their own pace."

Betty Ann Norton of the Betty Ann Norton Theatre School agrees. "Drama is very good for adolescents, helping them look inside themselves and discover their own resources. I think it should be mandatory for Transition Year. "Imagination is so important. Putting yourself in other people's shoes and looking at things from their angle also helps. And they can learn so much from working as a team."

If your youngster cannot be cajoled to tread the boards then find some other activity she's interested in, and join with her - if she's still at the stage where she'll let you be seen with her - to help build confidence. Explain to her also that, contrary to her belief, not everyone is looking at her, most people are more interested in themselves . .

In fact, if she's unsure what to say when she meets people, suggest she ask them about themselves - it's a subject most people are very good on.