Bullying is insidious, but need not be inevitable

Teaching Matters: Speak to parents about what worries them most about their children's school life and most will not mention literacy, numeracy or Leaving Cert points straight away.

Most will raise the fear that their child could be bullied at some stage. Are these parents being too precious? Is the extent of the problem exaggerated? And, sure, it happened to all of us in our time and never did us any harm.

Definitely not. Bullying, like the poor, has always been with us. The outward appearance of it can change over time but a simple fact remains. Whatever form it takes, bullying is unacceptable.

Contrary to what some will say it doesn't "make a man of you". In recent years, we have learned more and more about this dreadful phenomenon and many adults still remember the stomach-churning feelings they experienced at the hands of the school bully. It is natural for parents to want to protect their child.

Nowadays, we know a lot more about how damaging this behaviour can be and, to some extent, why some people behave in a bullying manner. But in spite of all this increased knowledge, trying to stop bullying in the school environment is very difficult. Does this mean that we should accept that we can do nothing about it? Again, definitely not. Bullying is not an inevitable part of the growing-up experience.

We can begin by acknowledging that bullying is a real problem. Victims are left feeling powerless, may exhibit a range of symptoms including a lack of concentration, deterioration in school performance, reluctance to go to school, physical illness and depression. Yet in spite of this, many adults, even if they notice these symptoms, fail to consider bullying as a possible cause. In addition, surveys of children reveal that many do not tell an adult. Among the reasons given are the fear of reprisals and a belief that adults can't do anything effective. Any child can become a victim but it is most likely to happen to children aged nine to 15 and involves boys and girls from all socio-economic groups.

Children who engage in bullying behaviour often display a lack of empathy, have a poor self-image and show aggressive traits. They often have good leadership qualities which could be used in a positive way. But they fail to realise this and instead terrorise others, often to boost their own egos. They ensure success by intimidating their victims into silence. These children also need help to change their behaviour and to learn acceptable social skills.

Not surprisingly, parents of victims want the bully punished (usually severely and summarily). Some even blame the teacher for not seeing it happen - forgetting that, for the most part, bullying is done in secret. Parents of the bully often don't accept their child is responsible.

The teacher, caught between these conflicting demands, is obliged to treat all children and parents fairly. The teacher must consider the needs of both bullies and victims as both are students in the school. Parents sometimes tell their child to hit back if someone hits them. Teachers discourage this as it leads to more violence and teaches children that violence is a way to solve problems. You can see where each group is coming from but adults must present a united face to children if we are to overcome this problem.

So is it possible to tackle this issue? Bullying could be drastically reduced if the school community is determined to work together to support these children. It involves a number of stages. The first is to teach children to understand and recognise bullying behaviour. Some bullying behaviour is obvious but some is very subtle and may not be recognised as bullying. Just as an adult feels isolated and undermined when left out of the communication loop at work, children need to recognise exclusion by their peers as bullying.

But not all incidents of bad behaviour are bullying. Parents often fail to realise this. Bullying is deliberate and systematic. It is repeated behaviour - physical, psychological or verbal - designed to intimidate and abuse another.

Children need to have confidence in adults (parents and teachers) to deal with this issue and treat it seriously. They need to learn how to tell, and schools need to develop a "culture of telling". All involved need to understand the consequences of this type of behaviour and the adults must be consistent in implementing whatever strategies they agree on.

There are many methods or programmes available to support schools, whatever path the school decides to follow - from mediation, negotiation, "no blame", "common concern" to "zero tolerance". We know that building children's self esteem is important for motivation and success in learning but it is also important in helping them to respond to this issue. We need to create an environment where children can talk and be heard and to this end, circle time in school is very popular and effective.

Punishment can sometimes just move the problem from one child to another so it is very important to involve the bully in the solution if they are ever to learn how to relate to others and solve problems in an acceptable manner. Likewise, moving children from one school to another can send the wrong message and is not always advisable, feasible or supportive.

Finally, bullying is easier to detect in a small group setting. There's another argument for reducing the size of our classes!

• Valerie Monaghan is principal of Scoil Chiarán National School, Glasnevin, Dublin