For generations it was a taboo. Nowadays, ask almost any family with young children and they'll admit to often, always or sometimes sharing the "marital" bed with their sons and daughters. Call it what you like - bed-sharing, co-sleeping, musical beds - but you can't ignore it. Be it with a breast-feeding new-born or a sleep-disturbed toddler, co-sleeping is now a common practice; sometimes it means one partner sleeping in the spare room. Bed shops even note an increased demand for six-foot wide beds. Dermot Quigley of Arnotts says that such beds now account for 10 per cent of all bed sales. But is co-sleeping a good idea? Some people tut-tut the notion, believing that once you let the little creatures in your bed, you'll never be rid of them. Others are sincerely afraid of smothering a baby under a large duvet or heavy blankets. Still, when they're honest, many parents admit that their toddler or baby spends more time in their bed than in the cot or single bed designated for them.
Such parents usually only succumb to the family-bed scenario as a means to get more sleep themselves. However, a small yet significant number of parents are now actively welcoming their children into their beds, assured that the warm, cosy atmosphere can only bring them comfort and security. Meanwhile, doctors and childcare experts - not to mention marriage counsellors - continue to disagree on the merits of the family bed. The new edition of Deborah Jackson's Three in a Bed - the benefits of sleeping with your baby (Bloomsbury, £12.99 in UK) firmly backs co-sleeping. Drawing references from medicine, anthropology, psychology and her own experience as a mother of three, Jackson backs up her argument with both anecdotal and scientific evidence on the advantages for babies and adults.
"When you sleep with a small child, it feels easier to be a parent," she writes. "You are literally in touch with the infant, not at odds with him. The level of satisfaction and contentment rises and capability increases, along with a sense of doing the `right' thing. For both parents, there is an increased tenderness which brings them closer to their child." She quotes child psychotherapist Janine Sternberg: "The experience of sleeping with a new-born child is strangely comparable with keeping vigil at the bedside of someone who is dying. Rather than easing someone out of life . . .you are holding the hand of someone slipping into it."
Jackson suggests the reason more people don't share beds with their children may be linked to residual Victorian ideas of cleanliness. In Ireland perhaps the memory of two - or many more - in a bed together is still too fresh for 1990s' families to see it in a positive light. Then, of course, there's Dr Spock. The guru of a generation of parents advised them never to allow their child in their bed. Jackson notes that in Western society, the emerging pattern is for bedsharing with older babies and small children; in eastern countries, the tendency is to begin with new-borns in the big bed, weaning them out after a year or two. From this finding, she draws some startling conclusions, notably the suggestion that Sudden Infant Death Syndrome ("cot death") is virtually unheard of in countries where mothers and young babies routinely share the same bed. Jackson presents evidence suggesting co-sleeping may prevent SIDS in some cases. "It is clearly not advisable for a baby to get too hot in the night. The baby on his mother's skin takes her temperature, and she his. If it gets too warm under the duvet, she will feel this herself, and respond by throwing off the cover. Sleeping with his mother, the baby remains at his ideal temperature," she writes. Co-sleeping might also address other problems: the nocturnal separation of mother and baby, according to Jackson, may be a trigger for postnatal depression.
But even if you secretly believe the family bed is good for the children, what about the adults, desperately seeking a few hours away from their energy-draining offspring? Don't children intrude on the couple's time for intimacy - itself now seriously curtailed by their very existence? Do parents in a family bed have to kiss goodbye to spontaneous sex, cosy cuddles in the early hours of the morning or even private chats undisturbed by nappy rumblings or sleepy snuffles? Not at all, says Jackson.
Not only does she suggest that co-sleeping parents themselves will sleep better (and therefore have more energy for sex), but she also believes the physical proximity of youngsters should not deter adults from sexual closeness. "When parents want to be alone together, they do not have to banish the child from the room. When the baby is asleep nearby, there is nothing whatsoever to prevent intimacy. There is no need to whisper unless you want to, because a baby is used to sleeping through noise in the womb." Hmmm. We may need a little more conditioning before we can indulge our sexual passions with a young baby in the bed beside us.
However, for those convinced by Jackson's arguments and already on their way into the nursery to bring the little one into the bed beside them, there are a few important precautions to take. First, and most obvious, sleeping with a baby after drinking excess amounts of alcohol is out of the question. Similarly, an adult who is ill, taking strong medication or is very overweight should not share the bed with a baby. Sick children are also not good bed partners. No one should smoke in the bed or near the baby. Water beds should be avoided, and pillows arranged so that they cannot fall and smother the child. Babies should, at all times, be free to move in the bed, yet never close to the edge. And once they've settled in, when can you expect them to leave the family bed? Well, now there's a question. "You are literally in touch with the infant, not at odds with him"
