Business as usual, but it was all rather uninspiring

"Could this be the Last Supper?" asked a journalist as press and politicians gathered for dinner in the Stormont canteen

"Could this be the Last Supper?" asked a journalist as press and politicians gathered for dinner in the Stormont canteen. But if there were fears that the whole shebang could fall over decommissioning, it was still business as usual at the Assembly yesterday.

And the business, it had to be said, was rather uninspiring. David Trimble and Seamus Mallon faced their first Question Time. The Regional Development Minister, Peter Robinson, and Environment Minister, Sam Foster, were also in the hot seat.

They arrived in the chamber with shiny blue folders like children on their first day at school. Trimble and Mallon were hardly stretched.

Sinn Fein didn't even bother asking anything. The only mischief came from the Rev Ian Paisley and his son, Ian jnr. So keen was Dr Paisley to ask his question that he kept standing up when it wasn't his turn.

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He wanted to know why Mr Trimble was wasting time lobbying for a £100 million loan for farmers when the proposal had already been rejected by the British government. "I would have thought the honourable member would have a little more persistence than that," retorted Mr Trimble.

Ian Paisley jnr chivalrously went to war on behalf of the SDLP Agriculture Minister, Brid Rodgers, who had complained of being kept in the dark about the UUP proposal. Mr Trimble should apologise immediately, shouted Mr Paisley jnr, not normally known for taking up the cause of the SDLP.

He demanded to know what kind of "half-baked administration" the First Minister was running. The UUP's Sam Foster didn't face any difficult questions. It was just as well.

The Environment Minister failed to sparkle yesterday. "The only good thing about his answers is they're short," said one reporter.

Peter Robinson was in a league of his own. The questions came thick and fast at the Regional Development Minister: the A29 from Moneymore to Desertmartin; anti-skid surfacing on the roads; the railway line between Antrim and Knockmore Junction; the water supply at Tandragee.

The DUP man rhymed off a list of facts and figures that must have turned his cabinet colleagues green with envy. "£22 can buy a ton of asphalt that lasts 20 years or a ton of salt that can be washed away in 20 minutes," he thundered.

Nothing was too small for Mr Robinson's attention. In response to another question, he informed Assembly members that he had placed leaflets on road-gritting in all their pigeonholes.

The Education Minister, Martin McGuinness, didn't face questions yesterday but was sporting a new pair of thicker glasses. "Martin's trying to look like a swot," quipped one journalist.

The liveliest debate was on the Patten report. A DUP MLA, the Rev Willie McCrea, said the "gravy train of the sellout of Ulster on the Belfast Agreement track" had taken the RUC "like lambs to the slaughter". Mr Trimble had said Patten hadn't "got the mixture right". What did the First Minister want, "to rub more salt into RUC wounds?" Mr McCrea asked.

He knew what police officers thought of Mr Patten and his commissioners: "dirty tramps". It wasn't a peace process. It was "a piece-by-piece process". It broke the link with Britain, gave a role to Dublin, and destroyed everything "good and decent", said Mr McCrea.

His party colleague, Nigel Dodds, was equally angry. "What republicans could not accomplish by the bomb and bullet, this government has delivered through an Act of Parliament," he said.

The DUP said Dublin had no right to point the finger at the RUC. The Garda badge wasn't neutral but was "tied to the State" and the force was hardly overflowing with Protestants.