Some people agree to wear blindfolds and do strange things with pots of flavoured yoghurt. I know what you're thinking - and the answer is heavens, no. We're talking here about a wine lecture. Perfectly respectable. Admittedly, in the world of wine (still a fairly conservative corner of the planet), the Jonathan Ray approach to teaching the essentials is, well, kind of kinky. But if you're an absolute beginner - somebody who wants to learn a bit without sinking in a sea of jargon - it may be the very thing you need.
The week after next (on September 19th, 20th and 21st), Ray is coming to Dublin to give three of the lighthearted but instructive tastings which began last year with the launch of his book, Everything you need to know about Wine. Although it's now high-season for enrolment in wine appreciation courses, classes stretching over weeks aren't for everyone - and he knows it. "If you want to be an expert, by all means sign up for serious courses and buy all the authoritative books. But if you just want to be able to hold your head up in a restaurant or put a decent bottle on the table for your in-laws, it's easy to get started. I'd like to think I might be able to give people a modest legup."
Jonathan Ray is engagingly low-key. As the son of Cyril Ray, a noted London wine writer in the 1960s and 1970s, he must have had some rather decent bottles to sample from a disconcertingly tender age. Working for Peter Dominic, Oddbins and Berry Bros can't have harmed the tastebuds either. He shrugs. "I still think a lot of people take wine far too seriously," he says, "and they ostracise other people in the process. The most important thing is to relax and enjoy it. A bottle of cheap claret drunk out of a toothmug on the lawn with your best friend can be terrific." Maybe this refusal to be overawed by wine is in the genes. He mentions in passing that his dad's favourite drink was Guinness.
The Ray sense of fun is refreshing, too. Cyril was famous for penning salty wine limericks, some of which must have shocked uppercrust England 30 years ago (and might not, alas, pass the sub-editing police in a reputable newspaper even today). His son, while also a dab hand at dodgy verse, infuses his wine talks and wine writings with a more subtle, wry humour. In his book, instead of stuff about tannins and terroir, there is a section headed "Trivia" for each wine region. Take north-west Italy, for instance: "Barolo is supposedly the wine of kings and the king of wines - according to Barolo makers, of course." Or Germany: "Most Franken wines are bottled in a squat, green flagon called a Bocksbeutel, said to be modelled on the scrotum of a goat."
But, unlike the authors of some of the jokey bluffers' guides on the market, Ray balances such occasional shots of levity with plenty of basic, vital information. His talks also zero in on the essentials. "The three most important things about any wine are: What does it taste like? What other wines taste like it? And what foods does it go with? I try to teach people how to remember the smell and taste of a wine, so that they'll be able to recognise it, or find something similar to it, or maybe even avoid it, next time. It's a bit like Impressionist painting or music. If you like Manet, you'll probably like Monet or Pissarro. If you like Mozart, you might also like Haydn. Somebody who enjoys New World Chardonnay might also enjoy Chablis."
Once you learn how to taste wine properly, keeping a completely open mind and using the senses of sight, smell and taste to the full, it's easy to steam ahead without tuition. "Just buy a few bottles, invite your mates round and get that corkscrew out," Ray urges. "This is the only subject I know that requires you to start drinking in order to progress."
As for the blindfolds and the yoghurt, you'll just have to go along and find out.
Jonathan Ray is holding tastings for beginners at Berry Bros & Rudd in Harry Street on Tuesday, September 19th, Wednesday, September 20th and Thursday, September 21st, 6.308.30 p.m.; the Tuesday tasting is exclusively for Irish Times readers. Admission by ticket only, £15 (including £10 voucher towards orders of a case or more placed on the night). Tickets should be obtained from Berry's in advance; credit card bookings 01-6773444, e-mail: sales@bbr.ie or drop in to 4, Harry Street.
Everything you need to know about Wine by Jonathan Ray is published by Mitchell Beazley, price £7.99 sterling.
