Another chapter in the Taoiseach's litany of openings

When it comes to open government, Bertie Ahern delivers. He'll open anything. In fact, An Taoiseach has opened so many things in a long and distinguished career, he is now reduced to reopening places he already opened before.

He found himself in Dublin's North Great Georges Street again yesterday, where he performed the official reopening of the James Joyce Centre. "One more time, and, hopefully, the last time," he declared.

No ribbon to cut - Bertie probably used the last of it on a previous visit. No scissors, either. Fell apart due to overuse.

The cultural centre has had a rocky history, but Mr Ahern has always been on hand to give it a dig out. He takes up the story: "I've been coming here since the 1980s, when I launched the restoration project on the house. In the 1990s, as minister for finance, I got them the grant to do it up and we had another opening. When the centre got into difficulties again recently, I decided to do it again." However, even bountiful Bertie is not a bottomless pit when it comes to worthy causes in his constituency. Last year, the centre had to close, and there was talk of relocating to the Writers Museum up the road in Parnell Square and selling the building. Spearheaded by the indefatigable David Norris, the board members set about looking for State support to save the house.

A package was put in place to ensure the centre's survival. The Government is contributing €250,000 over the next two years, contingent on a restructuring programme being put in place.

Yesterday, Mr Ahern noted approvingly that the necessary changes have been made. Laura Barnes is interim director and manager of the centre, while a new board has been appointed under the chairmanship of Brendan O'Donoghue, a former director of the National Library.

"He was a considerable accounting officer of the highest quality, in his day," said Bertie wistfully, sounding like he could do with someone like Brendan to deal with his Government's penchant for overspending.

This was a happy day for An Taoiseach, partly because he revealed he had drawn Italy in his department's World Cup sweep. ("Not a lot of money.") And because he likes nothing better than to open houses. Any house, it seems.

Last Thursday, for example, the society columns reported that he opened Michael Smurfit's new home in Co Kildare, cutting a tape and making a speech. James Joyce's beautiful, if financially rickety, Georgian house must have been a bit of a comedown for Bertie.

While the wine on offer at the Joyce Centre opening was very nice, one understands why An Taoiseach didn't partake, given that he would have been spoiled by the Chateau Petrus on offer at Thurday's opening.

The literary/cultural merit of Michael Smurfit's gaff is not immediately apparent. Does this mean that Bertie, clearly running short of proper places to declare open, is on the market for private gigs?

You see, I've recently moved myself, and had been toying with the idea of having a low-key housewarming. So Bertie's welcome to officially open mine.

I have two toilets, a wine rack, a DVD player and a roll of ribbon. There isn't an indoor pool, but the garden is prone to flooding. Finger food will be served.

However, as I am neither a Nobel laureate, nor dead, inviting An Taoiseach to do the opening might result in friends calling me pretentious.