The Last Straw Frank McNallyIt was a proud day for us all recently when the Minister for the Environment announced that the "fly-over" had replaced the "pot-hole" as a symbol of Irish roads. Perhaps Martin Cullen's claim might be disputed in some parts of Ireland.
While pot-holes are now rare in Cavan-Monaghan, for example, fly-overs are even rarer; and where they occur at all are often the work of map-reading errors by Aer Lingus or the British army.
But what the Minister probably had in mind was the new M1, from Dublin to Dundalk. And right enough, travelling north on it during the week, it was like Flyover County, Arizona. Here, at least, the Government has achieved 50 per cent of the targets first set out in the ancient Irish blessing: "May the road rise to meet you, and the sun be always at your back." The sunshine part of the manifesto is a longer-term aspiration, but no doubt Seamus Brennan will announce a pilot project soon.
A few years ago, when the Corrs were receiving saturation coverage on radio, it was popular to compare the band with the main road between their home town and Dublin - the N1 as it was then. The Corrs and the N1 both came out of Dundalk, music lovers would joke bitterly, but at least you could turn off the N1 occasionally.
The truth was, such were the bottlenecks en route, drivers were often tempted to turn off and take their chances on back roads. Now, however, the whole Dundalk trip has changed. For one thing, radio is not nearly as congested with the Corrs as it used to be, and there are hopes for a bypass soon. As for the new road, the M1 is like a 50-mile runway, empty both of cars and of any visual distractions (except fly-overs). You only have to turn off it if you need petrol, food or contact with other humans.
Some of the traffic using it so far is probably tourism, drawn by its sense of wilderness, rare in the east of Ireland. The other big visitor attraction is the new bridge over the Boyne. The authorities charge you to see it, but it's only €1.50 a car, regardless of the number of occupants, so it's a great-value outing for families. Also, although the bridge is illuminated at night, ticket prices remain the same. It doesn't make sense, but it's great.
Even the modernist "toll plaza", where you pay for the bridge visit, adds to the sense of theatre, and the feeling you're in a foreign country. In this sense, it's a bit disappointing that the first thing you see after leaving the plaza, north-bound, is a sign for the "River Nanny". I'm not saying there isn't a place for a River Nanny in 21st-century Ireland; just not here. Another slight criticism is that, north of Dundalk, the road gradually degenerates into a sheep track. Those small points aside, the Government can be proud of the M1, which is of course linked to the M50. Clearly, there's still some work to be done on Ms 2 to 49. But I think the great priority now in terms of infrastructure is to extend the M1 right up to the Border, just for badness. God knows, they were laughing at us long enough.
Only kidding, Northern readers. Not that I'd expect you to take it the wrong way. In fact, whenever I'm in Belfast, like this week, I'm always amazed at how the political situation here ever got so out of hand, since the people of the North are so uniquely talented at reducing issues to their proper perspective. The obvious example is the way that, in everyday speech, they constantly use the word "wee" to defuse potentially awkward situations.
I was again reminded of this when my hotel receptionist, told I was paying by Visa, asked if she could give the card "a wee swipe?" My first reaction was to say that she could give it as much of a swipe as necessary - that it was well used to it, and she needn't hold back. But then I remembered this was just the Belfast manner, so I handed the wee card over, and kept my wee mouth shut.
Some problems are beyond reduction, unfortunately. It's no coincidence that one of the main obstacles to political progress in the North for decades has been "Big Ian" Paisley (in fairness, "Wee Sammy" Wilson has done his bit too). Even so, as the North emerges from this week's assembly elections, all decent people will hope that the communities succeed in minimising their problems, Northern-style. Or that, in the immortal words of the 1960s civil-rights anthem: "Wee shall overcome, some day."