Before the advent of the wedding list, a couple had to accept cock-eyed generosity. A ghastly vase wrapped in kind intentions. An umbrella stand already passed through the hands of 17 other couples.
It was pure chance how many versions of the same present they would get; how often they would have to react with delight that they had received a toaster. They relied on people to guess their tastes; marvelled at how close friends could get it so wrong. "We've known them 10 years. Have they ever seen us eat fondue?"
Thanks to the wedding list, the process is now far more precise. It absolves the wedding guest of the responsibility of picking an awful gift - the couple has already done it for them.
As well as receiving only a single toaster, vase or pedal bin, they will receive exactly the one they wanted. It will be the stainless-steel Trashomatic 2000 pedal bin, so avoiding the embarrassment of the white-plastic Trashomatic 2000. And it will all fit perfectly with the delicately balanced aesthetic of their house, which the wedding list gives them the opportunity to exhibit. Because the list is more than a simple guide to appropriate gifts, it is a surreptitious statement of their style, which the couple presume will be greeted with envious approval. In fact it is as likely to be met with disparagement - "what a ghastly bin!" - and disgust at the chutzpah of putting it on the list in the first place - "Who in God's name will spend €250 to buy them a bin?"
Someone will. It is an immutable law of the wedding list that the extravagant, expensive, absurd items disappear first. The guest who picks up the list online, and spends some time mulling over it, is likely to return to find that all the decent stuff has gone and that they will have to buy three fish knives rather than the exquisite candelabra.
Although there is always one guest who knows that the couple don't actually want something from the list. That they would prefer something individual as a gift, something personal. Or is just annoyed that they received only an invitation to the afters. So, despite all their efforts, thanks to Auntie Nora the happy couple will still end up with a Belleek marmalade dish. And it will share the cabinet with all their tasteful John Rocha crystal, a cuckoo in the nest until it is dropped in an unfortunate accident. Some things, after all, must remain traditional.