CYBER SORTER:Social-media agony aunt AMANDA BROWNgrapples with holiday snaps and finding exes on Facebook
Dear Cybersorter
I went on holiday with the girls and took lots of photos. I stuck them up on Facebook, and one of the girls lost it because she’s in a bikini. But she posed for me, and my FB settings are friends-only, so what’s her problem? These photos include several of us, and I don’t want to take them down just because this one girl has got into a strop. What do you think?
SN
Dear SN
You didn’t sneak a zoom lens into your suitcase and stealthily take shots of your friend from behind a cactus. The pictures do not incriminate her, except possibly with the beach fashion police (and they are so 2006). You own these pictures of your holiday, which you had permission to take. If her vanity is crushed because she wasn’t in front of a skinny mirror, it’s not your fault. It is reasonable to de-tag her from the picture, although she can do that herself, but unreasonable for her to demand you take them off the site.
Of course, she may never talk to you again, but would that be such a terrible loss?
Dear Cybersorter
I’ve recently added my ex as a friend on Facebook. Browsing through his photos, I was pleased to see that his new wife is less attractive than me. This has made me wonder about other ex-boyfriends and flings. Would it breach FB etiquette to look them up, just to see who they’ve ended up with?
AC
Dear AC
Beware friending the ex on Facebook. Remember, there’s a reason you aren’t buddies in real life: one of you detests a rather large part of the other. Or, worse, at least one of you is still in love.
Of course, checking out the ex’s new missus is a primary motivation for many to ditch their privacy fears and open a FB account. The fact that you even ask if it is wrong marks you out as rarely ethical.
It is tempting to friend them and make sure the new missus looks like Shrek’s bottom and works in a fish-gutting factory. But what then? Stay friends? Start instant- messaging each other after a row at home? That said, immediately defriending them after finding your info would be rude, shallow and self-serving.
But what is bad Facebook etiquette can make good gossip, not to mention boost the ego. To a large extent we are making the game up as we go along, and all’s fair in love and war. Just don’t get a jolt if you find out that creep you once had a fling with is married to a model with a PhD.
E-mail social-media queries to cybersorter@irishtimes.com
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