Is the new Panamera a cynical marketing exercise or the answer to many a wealthy individual's prayers? PADDY COMYNdrives it to find out
HOW THINGS have changed all of a sudden. It's 2009, and Ireland isn't the Las Vegas of Europe any more. We all became gamblers in the Celtic Tiger Casino for a few years. Bet on property, you can't lose! Bet on foreign investment! Bet on clever politicians! Bet on bankers! For a while we became the nouveau riche, drunk on our success and keen to spend our winnings. We embraced it with open arms.
But like the casinos of Las Vegas, without windows, without any visual clues of what is going on outside, we became blinded to our own foolishness and now the cold light of day has been revealed. Brown Thomas and Range Rover have been replaced by Aldi and Nama, and if we are honest, there are few of us who don’t feel a little bit silly. What a shame for Porsche, then, that they couldn’t have caught us in that altered reality.
Wind back the clock to 2007 and Porsche was having a record year in many markets, as many brands were having record markets in our own little European parish. Land Rover in Ireland was selling as many Range Rover Sports as it could get its hands on and Audi’s Q7, which was and remains one of the most obnoxiously big SUVs on the road, was a bizarrely common sight on urban streets. If Porsche had brought out its new Panamera to Las Vegas Ireland then, there would have been a stampede.
Suddenly, however, we have developed a conscience – but perhaps we have taken it too far. Our guilt-encrusted DNA has come alive again and now, deeply ashamed of ourselves, we have abandoned material excess. And nowhere can this be seen more than our own, beleaguered motor industry.
When we tell our European colleagues in the motoring world that Ireland’s car market has dropped by 65 per cent, they visibly wince.
So I know I am supposed to pour scorn on the new Panamera – but I’m afraid I just can’t.
I was fully prepared not to like it – especially as, from many angles, and in some colour and wheel combinations, it is something of an eyesore. Quite how the conversation started – “How will we turn a 911 into a four-door coupé?” – remains a mystery, but there simply must have been drink taken.
We were in Silverstone at the UK launch and we tried three versions of the new four-door coupé: the Panamera S, the 4S and the Turbo. So far, in the UK at least, 90 per cent of buyers have chosen the 4S or Turbo.
The S comes as a 4.8-litre V8 with 400bhp; the 4S adds four-wheel-drive and PDK transmission; and the Turbo gets twin turbos, 500bhp and enough in the specifications list to mean most buyers wouldn’t need to tick any options.
We drove all three cars on a series of exercises and the results, even to this hard-to-impress hack, were astonishing. Bearing in mind that this car, in Turbo form, weighs almost two tonnes, it has – quite simply – brilliant handling.
On a winding handling track, it was as flickable and adjustable as a Cayman. On the circuits, during many braking and skid tests, the car’s plethora of electronic aids with hard-to-remember acronyms (PDCC, Porsche Dynamic Chassis Control and PSM, Porsche Stability Management being the most impressive) reigned in the car’s mass and power even under heart-stopping, physics-defying changes of direction.
This is a sumo wrestler that can run 100 metres in nine seconds. It is a prop forward that is also a chess grand master. The interior is luxurious, although a little heavy on buttons and switches. It has the feeling of a low-slung coupé, but there is lots of space behind the front seats, enough to sit two six-foot plus adults easily.
And it is fast. The Turbo is biblically so, 0-100km/h swallowed in 4.2 seconds (along with huge gulps of fuel). But with the addition of such things as stop/start technology and Porsche’s clever PDK double-clutch gearbox, the fuel economy throughout the range is bearable, if never really frugal.
The bottom line is, in Ireland this car is going to cost upwards of €137,258. With this beast being anything but subtle – and with those who might have bought it now likely to be in Paraquay, sporting fake beards – the chances of seeing many Panameras in Ireland are slim.
Love the shape or hate it, there is no denying that this is a proper Porsche in the way the Cayenne SUV could never really have been. It is a very competent four-seater sports car with tonnes of character, great to drive and feels luxurious, too. If you have money, there no longer exists the decision between sports car and practicality – instead, the only decision you have is whether you can be seen to buy one.
Factfile Porsche’s Panamera range
PANAMERA S
Engine:4,806cc V8 petrol engine, 400hp and 500Nm of torque, rear wheel drive
Transmission:six-speed manual or seven-speed PDK double-clutch transmission
0-100km/h:5.6 seconds
Top speed:285km/h
Fuel economy:12.5l/100km
CO2 emissions:293g/km (manual – 253g/km with PDK)
Tax:€2,050/annum, Band G
Price:€137,258
PANAMERA 4S
Engine:4,806cc V8 petrol engine putting out 400hp and 500Nm of torque, four-wheel drive
0-100km/h:5 seconds
Top speed:282km/h
Transmission:seven-speed PDK double clutch transmission
Fuel economy:11.1l/100km
CO2 emissions:260g/km (manual – 253g/km with PDK)
Tax:€2,050/annum, Band G
Price:€146,794
PANAMERA TURBO
Engine:4,806cc V8 twin turbo petrol engine putting out 500hp and 770Nm of torque, four-wheel drive
Transmission:seven-speed PDK double clutch transmission
0/100km/h:4.2 seconds
Top speed:303km/h
Fuel economy:12.2l/100km
CO2 emissions:286g/km (manual – 253g/km with PDK)
Tax:€2,050/annum; Band G
Price:€181,157