PARENTING PLUS: How to use mobiles and the internet safely
WHAT DO you do when you receive a text and are in the company of others? I’m guessing most of you will interrupt your conversation to read the text. You may even send a quick response. On occasion, therefore, the mobile phone has become an invidious part of life. Many of us, and our children and teenagers, are becoming addicted.
Teenagers become dependent on their phones for the simplest of social arrangements. The fear of missing out drives many teenagers to want to stay connected. This is backed up by findings of a US study which showed that more than half of the teenagers surveyed see their mobile phone as the key to their social life.
Both the ease and wide extent of communication that mobile phones and online social networking provide are good things. It’s good that teenagers can be in contact. Teenagers need safe, adult-free zones where they can be with other teenagers. In both social networking sites and a social phone network teenagers create a digital space to interact without parents and other adults.
However, as with many good things, there can also be dangers involved in both the mobile phone and in social networking. For example, a 2008 study in Sweden on youngsters between 14 and 20 showed that teenagers who excessively use their mobile phones during the day are more prone to disrupted sleep, restlessness, stress and fatigue.
Bullying by phone and online is also easier and more faceless and you’ll often see hurtful comments being passed by text or online, profiles being altered online, or humiliating photos being taken and shared.
A survey conducted by the National Centre for Technology in Education (NCTE) in Ireland in 2008 found that more than half of teenagers who use social networking sites had suffered or witnessed cyber-bullying such as hate messages, unsolicited pornography, threats or abusive solicitations.
Other research from Ofcom in the UK, in 2009, showed that 78 per cent of children between the ages of five and seven, and almost all nine to 11 year olds, use the internet. In that study 36 per cent of parents of 12-15 year olds claimed they were concerned about whom their child is in contact with online.
If we are that aware of the dangers of being online then we must be responsible for educating our children and teenagers in this regard.
So start teaching your children early about safe use of the phone and the internet. Agree rules from the day one of your child’s first mobile phone or when teaching them how to use the internet.
The website, webwise.ie, which has been developed by the NCTE, is a great resource. It has information for parents about the technology involved and the benefits, risks and how to keep safe online. It has similar but separate information for children and teenagers.
Always remember that as a parent you are trying to minimise risks that might be involved for your child.
* As a general rule, the more talking you do about your expectations for both mobiles and internet use, the easier it will be later, as your teenager will accept that you have a role in how they use these social tools.
* Create certain times of the day as mobile-free zones, for example, mealtimes.
* Create mobile phone curfews of 11pm and, if necessary, be prepared to physically take the phone from your child at that point.
* Similarly try to restrict the time allotted to internet access and negotiate separate time for homework-related access and social access.
For now, most of us can still monitor our children’s use of the internet by having the computer in a public place in the house, creating the understanding that you will randomly monitor their usage. This becomes harder as internet-enabled phones become the norm.
Clinical psychologist David Coleman is presenter of RTÉ One’s
Teens in the Wild