VICTORIA GALLAGHER-O'HOULIHANlooks back on her most extraordinary week eva
I THINK I speak for the entire nation when I say it's a pretty historical time. Who, this week, was not moved to shed a little tear of joy? Such affection. Such articulacy. Such pride. Rachael and Finn are finally together. What an emotional Gleeseason finale this has been.
For once all is fab with the world. With the entire country welcoming still-hot-for-his-age Johnny Depp in the brilliant new Pirates of the Caribbean, I only just noticed the windswept arrival of Michelle Obama and her husband.
Having seen and even met people who have been directly affected by the recession and many subsequent tribunals, I was thrilled when President Obama arrived to call time on Ireland’s economic downturn. Best. Prez. Eva!
As an occasional New York shopper, it’s great to be able to openly America-worship again. All the negativity of the Bush years is gone, just like that, with three simple, humble words: Eraserhead Hair Malfunction.
Or so I thought. I mean, did you see those people in jumpers standing outside the GPO? Do these unfashionable unfortunates never read newspapers or watch President Miriam O’Callaghan’s weekly addresses or something?
Listen up, polyester jockeys: it was President Bush who had army men deployed in Iraq and those other countries where trouble flares up oh so easily. And how could Barack Obama be a “war criminal” when he was never even a soldier, you dummies?
Some people are just ignorant. If they weren’t they’d realise that nobody takes political opinions seriously when the placard holder doesn’t know the value of a manicure. Even the republicans manage bomber jackets, dear.
Still, as my neurolinguistic programmer explained to me, we have to be patient with the stupid and mirror their ignorance if we wish to communicate with them successfully. There is no point in talking to meatheads and spoilsports in normal human language like you or I might use: “This is the single greatest moment in history! I da best Bama fan eva. You disgree, send da shit pruving u betta. :]”
These people get American presidents confused – it’s not like they’re going to be literate! But following this week’s very productive neurolinguistic anchoring session, I was ready to see these scruffy, unlearned brethren with a new, pitying understanding.
But then I had to walk all the way down to Samuel Beckett Bridge to cross the river. And then I failed to make my waxing appointment on Molesworth Street on time. So then I got bumped for 20 minutes.* And do you know why? Because the bridge was closed for Barack Obama.
I’m thrilled he’s ended the Irish recession. I’m delighted Michelle Obama stood freezing her ass off in the same wind that blew up my own skirt. But I’m with the crazies on this one: Visiting Foreign Dignitaries Go Home!
* Well, they managed to swap things around so I was waiting five minutes in the end. But for those five minutes I was sure my fate was sealed.
