The hunt for votes can lead to grave errors

POLITICIANS in search of hands to shake should stay away from funerals, Mr Mark Killilea MEP told The Connaught Telegraph. Elected representatives should be concentrating on their jobs, instead of "rushing up and down to funerals and to meetings, finding out what the other fellow is trying to do and what funeral he was not at", he said.

In an editorial, The Connaught Telegraph said the church authorities should "issue an edict" to prevent funeral services being "hijacked" by politicians "at the expense of distraught families". It also backed Mr Killilea's call for the establishment of single seat constituencies with transferable votes. This would allow elected representatives to legislate instead of looking "over their shoulders wondering if any of their colleagues attended, obsequies that they missed".

The "phoney war" being waged by politicians in pre-election mode could soon result in "jaundiced voters", said the Leinster Leader. The Government's attempts to placate special interest groups have already backfired.

The Donegal Democrat said the announcement by the Minister for Communications, Mr Alan Dukes, on TV deflectors was creating as many problems as it was meant to solve, while the Leitrim Observer reported on the "water charges time bomb'", quoting Cllr Mary Bohan who believed "the Minister got a rush to the head".

"There is so much confusion, it is unbelievable. People are dismayed. What are we going to do about the group schemes?" she asked.

"The Taoiseach must have been delighted to see that the Western People had a front page picture of his wife, Westport native Finola Bruton, opening the Western Care Association's new enterprise centre, but the newspaper's editorial highlighted the plight of the people of Belderrig, who were delighted last December when the Minister for the Environment allocated them £92,800 for upgrading their community group water scheme. Now the responsibility has been handed to an "overstretched" Mayo County Council, however, Belderrig feels that the "system has let them down".

For those who have tired of election talk already, there is always the possibility that those hoping to woo the jaundiced voter will get hopelessly lost, just as foreign tourists tend to do. The Munster Express reported that road signs are disappearing "at a rate of knots" to be sold abroad as "pub trophies" for £50-£100 each on the black market. One hundred have been stolen in recent months, gardai and Waterford County Council confirmed.

"Mr Patrick Doyle of 1, Manapia Avenue, St John's Road, Wexford, has thrown his hat into the presidential ring. The Wexford People said that he wrote to the local authority requesting that it nominate him. Apparently all you need to become a presidential candidate are nominations from four local authorities.

After briefly discussing Mr Doyle's request, the council decided to defer the matter until the job actually becomes vacant. But the Wexford People left one question unanswered: who is Patrick Doyle?

Ghosts bring in tourists, according to the community development association in Cooneen, Co Fermanagh. The Impartial Reporter said it hopes to develop a haunted house as a hostel-style activity holiday centre - complete with poltergeist - where tourists can hill walk by day and shiver in terror by night.

Getting into the spirit, the newspaper said that countless acres of dark, dense and relentless afforestation have replaced the patchwork of poor and middling land, and today "even the strongest midday sun fails to penetrate the dense forest which surrounds the derelict dwelling house and it's easy to see why it still demands a certain respect, even among cynics". Why be cynical if the tourist pound is at stake?