There is a rather sweet and jolly Christmas image, derived no doubt from a Norman Rockwell painting, of Dad standing proud at the head of the table, brandishing a sharp knife and two-tined fork, as he prepares to carve the bird Mum has just brought to table.

The bird is on a large platter, surrounded by all the trimmings: spuds, sprouts, carrots, sweet potato, and so on.

It is a jolly picture, and it is completely daft. Carve the bird like that, and the family will spend most of the meal picking "all the trimmings" up off the floor. Carving is a serious business, and not a piece of theatre designed to dazzle the guests. So, first bring in the bird in all its glory to let everybody have a gawk at it, but then confine your carving to the kitchen and re-present the bird beautifully sliced.

Carving by the rules

1. Work on a large chopping board, not a plate. The secret with carving is to be able to hold the bird steady while you work.

2. Use a sharp knife. Various kitchen shops offer a knife-sharpening service (Kitchen Complements of Chatham Street, in Dublin). The classic carving knife has a pointed end, is flexible enough to follow the contours of a bird, yet strong enough to cut straight through a joint. If you can handle a knife steel, then remember to sharpen the blade of the knife by running it along the steel away from yourself.

3. Use a large two-tined fork to hold the meat while you cut, but be careful not to prong the meat with this fork - cut one side of the bird first, using the back of the fork to hold the bird. Then turn the fork around to get a good grip on the carcass as you carve the other side.

4. Carve only as much as you need for one serving.

5. Removing the wishbone allows for easier carving, and neater slices. Remove the wishbone be- fore cooking, when you stuff and truss the bird. Pull back the neck skin from the bird and, using a small knife, cut through the flesh under the contour of the bone on both sides, just enough to free it. When it is attached only at the end, hook your finger under it and pull the wishbone free.

Tackling a turkey

The turkey should be sitting breast side up on the carving board. Remove the first leg by cutting the skin between the thigh and breast. Find the hip joint and slice down through it. Cut the leg in two portions, separating the thigh from the drumstick. If you like you can reduce these portions further by slicing thickly, parallel to the bone.

Then remove the first wing, from the same side as the leg you have removed. Slice through the corner of the breast, towards the wing. Find the joint and remove wing with a piece of breast attached. This will make one serving.

Next, carve the breast on the same side as you have been carving. Slice the meat diagonally, while holding the back of the fork against the breast. Repeat the whole process on the other side of the bird.

Carving a goose

Remove the wing first by cutting down firmly through the joint.

Next, cut through the skin in an arc around the leg. Press the knife down between the thigh and the body. The leg will fall away and the joint will be exposed. Cut through the joint to free the leg. To carve the breast, work from the front of the bird with the knife blade close to horizontal.

Turkey times

Most people have their own theories for roasting the bird, and if you have a tried and trusted method, stick to it. If you are roasting your first bird, or if you have forgotten what you did last year, then you should learn that there are many theories on how to achieve a moist, perfectly cooked turkey. Some start cooking it at a high temperature, then turn the heat down (people who cook in an Aga often do this, starting the bird in the top oven, then moving it to the lower oven). Some start at a lower temperature, then turn the oven up after an hour. Some say the bird needs 20 minutes per pound, some advocate 15 minutes, others suggest 12 minutes.

Who is right? All have their disciples, but my own experience leads me to believe there are some things to avoid. Starting the bird in an oven that is too hot can cook the skin too fast, leaving you with a overly-crisp skin that is not pleasant to eat. This is especially true of fan ovens, where temperatures should always run at 20 degrees Celsius lower than conventional ovens. If you start the bird at 180 degrees Celsius in a conventional oven, you should be cooking it at 160 degrees Celsius in an oven with a fan.

I don't think it is wise to stuff the bird, as this increases cooking time and so increases the risk of the bird drying out. Instead, I would suggest cooking stuffing alongside, wrapped in foil. If you are worried about the bird becoming dry, then consider covering it in butter-soaked muslin to protect it from the h0eat. Some people always cover the bird with a large square of foil to protect the breast meat. Don't encase the bird in foil, however, as it will steam rather than roast. A vital thing to bear in mind with the turkey is that it must rest for an adequate time - at least 15 minutes - to allow the juices to return to the muscle tissue. This also helps you to carve it properly. You can simply switch off the oven, leave the bird inside and the door ajar. Or you can take it out and cover it with foil while it rests.

Roasting a big bird requires a fair degree of judgment, and so you need to keep basting and testing as it cooks. If you cook the bird at 180 degrees Celsius/350 degrees Fahrenheit/ Gas 4 (160 degrees Celsius in fan oven), allow 15 minutes a pound, protect it with foil or muslin, baste it from time to time and keep your eye on it, and let it rest before carving. Then you should wind up with a cracking turkey.

Fowl fridge?

The most common source of food poisoning is caused by having uncooked fowl too close to cooked meats or fish. If you refrigerate the turkey, make sure it's on a shelf on its own.