A video of a nursing nanny "rolling out the barrel" is playing to full houses in a local pub in Kiltormer, Co Galway, according to the Connacht Tribune. The video features a nannygoat, purported to be the smallest in the west, balancing on a sideways barrel in order to nurse a filly foal whose mother died while giving birth.
The filly's grandmother, Lesebelle, had won the Galway Hurdle in the 1980s, so its owner was anxious to avoid a double loss. The Tribune saw fit to put a large picture of the nursing procedure on its front page to satisfy readers' curiosity.
Five man-eating sharks - three tigers and two browns - will be flying from Florida to Dingle thanks to the US ambassador, Mrs Jean Kennedy-Smith, and the US Air Force, the Kerryman reported. When the anaesthetised sharks arrive at their new 400,000-gallon tank in Dingle Oceanworld, they'll be groggy, so a team of divers has volunteered to administer a wake-up call. "Basically, it means the divers will have to push and coax them and make sure they don't rest on the bottom. It promises to be very interesting", said Kevin Flannery, Oceanworld's director.
The Nationalist and Leinster Times reported a strange scene in a disused shed depicting the possible birth of a baby. On Tuesday, May 26th, a local was shocked to discover a "lovely" newborn baby's shawl, nappies, items of women's underclothing, baby clothes, a baby bottle, a candle and a baby's bonnet. On the ground were two pools of blood and some of the clothes were bloodstained, so gardai are investigating, but they suspect that it could be a "cruel joke".
"The tide turned against Mr Ahern", said the Mayo News. "There has been enough smoke created to convince most of us of the existence of fire . . . and the smoke will not easily go away."
The Kilkenny People asked why the Taoiseach had been so protective of Mr Ray Burke. "Deviousness, economy with the truth and political cunning may buy short-term gains, but in the long run they'll be seen for what they are - shoddy and shallow antics. In the end, the public will not be misled."
The Sligo Champion believed that Mr Ahern "stands indicted on several fronts" and the Connacht Tribune asked: "When in God's name are politicians going to learn that they are playing political games in front of an electorate which is heartily sick of the business and who daily have less and less real respect for politicians?"
The Nationalist and Leinster Times was looking for "sacrificial lambs" of the Lester Piggott variety. "We must ensure that there isn't an impression created that there may be individuals who can escape the full rigours of justice. If this means jailing former Ministers or former Taoisigh, then so be it."
"Castrate sex offenders, says councillor" was the headline in the Tipperary Star. Fianna Fail's Michael Maguire, "a leading GAA figure", is disgusted by the alleged rape of a three-year-old girl by teenagers in the North and thinks we are "too soft, too lenient on those people".
"Traveller boycott urged by hotelier: Don't serve them in shops or pubs" was the headline in the Waterford News & Star. Joe O'Shea, a hotel-owner and Fianna Fail member of the town commissioners, was reacting to a "recent convoy of 50 travellers who descended on Tramore and literally forced two businesses to close for a short period".
The Roscommon Herald announced the formation of the Western UFO Society, which will investigate "flying saucers" in the Boyle area. The Herald heard several reports of three bright blue lights moving slowly backwards and forwards in the heavens in the early hours of Sunday, June 7th.
"For God's sake will all you people who live in Galway relax a bit, smile more and take it easy on the roundabouts. We are not impressed", said Father Colm Kilcoyne in the Connacht Tribune. He was writing after a frenzied afternoon of driving in the city, when the aggression of other drivers nearly hurtled him into "Kingdom come".
"The overall atmosphere of the town has got so functional. So hassled. Have you noticed that people don't smile much in Galway any more? I never thought I'd live to see the day, but I'm rapidly going off Galway. I have loved the place all my life, but lately it is losing its charm with a vengeance. What it has gained in prosperity, it has lost in civility."
The Leinster Leader asked what had gone "so terribly wrong" with our society, commenting on the 14.6 per cent increase in suicides in the Republic and in particular on Kildare's 33 per cent suicide rise. It blamed a devaluing of human life, coupled with higher material expectations and a general sense of "vacuity".
The Kerryman believed that the community which has produced the Celtic Tiger can, amidst all the newfound wealth and freedom, be "a very lonely place indeed for too many".
