Metal: a bluffer's guide

Kevin Courtneyexplains everything you ever wanted to know about headbangers but were afraid to ask

For the unititiated, the multifarious offshoots of metal seem impossible to fathom. One of the toughest conundrums is working out the diffence between black metal, death metal and doom metal.

Black metalis the dark, satanic stuff. The Norwegians are the dark lords of this extreme genre, throwing up such acts as Mayhem, Darkthrone and - the baddest of them all - Burzum (who make Lordi seem like Showaddywaddy).
Death metalfocuses on the Grim Reaper himself, revelling in all his nasty works. Morbid Angel and Cannibal Corpse are two of its more visceral exponents.
Doom metalfocuses more on the sense of unease you get when you realise you're about to have your head chopped off. It's typified by a funereal tempo and lyrics that evoke despair. Black Sabbath are a big influence on doom metal bands such as Pentagram and Candlemass.One of the great things about metal is that it can be fused with almost any other genre - so pick your favourite, put the word metal after it and off you go.
Funk Metal:hip-shakin' heavy rock (Extreme)
Glam metal:getting lippy with lippy (Motley Crue)
Industrial Metal:going at it hammer and tongs (Rammstein)
Prog metal:headbanging in 9/8 time (Queensryche; Opeth)
Speed Metal:goes up to 90 (Accept)
Thrash metal:the metal bull in the china shop (Metallica - before the Black Album)
Nu-Metal:metalheads mess with alt.rock (Limp Bizkit)
Christian metal:praise the Lord and pass the distortion pedal (Stryper)
Rap metal:gang-bangin' metal (Body Count).

They never went away, you know
The dinosaurs walk the earth again, and they don't call them dinosaurs for nothing, you know. Stampeding your way soon are . . .

Metallica:after being exposed as group-hugging bed-wetters in the quite brilliant rockumentary Some Kind of Monster, Metallica have a lot of lost cred to make up, and their Marlay Park gig in August may help them regain some ground with the metal grassroots. Kiss:those four ker-ayzee guys with the funny facepaint and tottering platforms, are back on tour and still acting like teenage comic-book heroes. Ace Frehley and Peter Criss are no longer with the band, but remaining members Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley have recruited two faceless members to don the famous make-up. Motorhead:Lemmy and co will be howlin' at the full moon on All Souls' Night at the Ambassador in Dublin. Judas Priest:The band who were once accused of inciting fans to commit suicide are releasing a concept album entitled Nostradamusabout history's great fortune-teller. Whitesnake:The ultimate cheesy metal band of the 1980s (frontman Dave Coverdale's full-bodied Wella hairdo inspired the term "poodle rock") have teamed up with that other 1980s relic Def Leppard for a UK tour earlier this month, which included a date in Belfast.

The new wave
The Answer:Who can carry the torch lit by Led Zep, Deep Purple and Black Sabbath? This loud 'n' proud bunch from Belfast. Voted Best New Band by Classic Rockmagazine, it is only be a matter of time before they're sharing a Lear jet with the legends of rock.
Municipal Waste:If there was such a genre as beer metal, these guys from Richmond, Virginia, would be at the forefront - their live shows involve chugging copious amounts of Anheuser-Busch's finest, crowd-surfing on boogie-boards and doing unspeakable things with inflatables.
Black Stone Cherry:If you were early for the Def Leppard/ Whitesnake gig at the Odyssey Arena in Belfast this week, you might have caught a glimpse of metal's future - in which Led Zep licks sit side by side with grungy chords and the southern boogie of Lynyrd Skynyrd.
Black Tide:The youngest guns on the metal scene, this band of Latinos from Miami, Florida, are mostly aged 20 - except for the singer, who's just 15. They have already played Ozzfest and Download, and have released their debut album on Interscope.

Dark days
Known as the Day of Darkness festival, Ireland's biggest, longest-running and most bodacious metal fest begins on July 4th, and if it feels like a long day in hell, that's because it's actually a two-day fest.

The goal of the festival, say the organisers, is to showcase both Irish and international metal bands, so you've got Sweden's Unleashed, Italy's Doomswordand Germany's Neocosmicdoing battle with such local noises as Mourning Beloveth, Celtic Legacyand Thy Sinister Bloom. With an expected attendance of only 500 fans expected to attend, it's hardly Oxegen, but you can bet those 500 fans will be utterly devoted to their metal cause.