When and where are they on?
The 88th Academy Awards take place on Sunday night, February 28th, in the Dolby Theatre, Hollywood. It used to be known as the Kodak theatre before digital filmmaking came along and ruined everything.
The red-carpet shenanigans kick off at midnight Irish time, with the Academy Awards ceremony itself starting at 1.30am. Expect the whole thing to be wrapped up by about 5am. The very first edition took just 15 minutes, while the most bloated ceremony was in 2000 with four hours and four minutes of gushing speeches.
How can I watch them?
If you are a nominee you’re probably reading this from the vantage point of the latest gift suite you’ve been ushered through in downtown LA (always take the watches, there is great resale value in them). If not, then reserve yourself a comfortable spot on the sofa.
Sky Living starts its red-carpet preview at 11.30pm. The E! channel will not be beaten though; its red-carpet bitch fest starts at 10.30pm and runs all the way until 4.30am. Well, it is their equivalent of the general election.
For the ceremony itself though you'll have to go to Sky's dedicated Oscars channel Sky 331/Virgin Media 307. Alex Zane and Zoe Ball will handle the previews until Chris Rock takes over at 1.30am, when the hunger games begin.
Of course you would be much better served keeping yourself glued to irishtimes.com. We'll have a live blog of the red carpet and the ceremony with Tara Brady, while Donald Clarke will be reporting from the ceremony itself.
Some of us have real jobs. I can’t be bothered staying up all night.
Then you can catch up on highlights of the event on Monday evening at 9pm on RTÉ2, when the event will be condensed into a more manageable two-hour package.
Go on then – what are our Irish chances (and yes we are entirely biased)?
Don't expect a haul. Brie Larson is 1/33 to pick up an Academy Award of Merit (the Oscar's official name) for her stunning turn in Room. Variety recently through its weight behind Benjamin Cleary's charge in the best live action short category (Stutterer is at 3/1). The others though remain outside bets. Room and Lenny Abrahamson are at 66/1 and Brooklyn is at 200/1.